tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9539724.post753093635207898373..comments2023-06-24T07:53:47.609-07:00Comments on Hollis Polk's Change Your Life in 10 Minutes a Day: Quick: Would you rather be liked or respected?Hollis Polkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17221165807308394193noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9539724.post-21848898529683647232010-11-09T13:11:52.953-08:002010-11-09T13:11:52.953-08:00Being respected does not mean closing yourself to ...Being respected does not mean closing yourself to anyone or anything else, including new ideas. To me, it means acting in accordance with your highest ideals, and I personally include love and an open heart in those.Hollis Polkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17221165807308394193noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9539724.post-88313053724593296552010-11-03T19:36:54.430-07:002010-11-03T19:36:54.430-07:00How do you see this in relation to the issue (that...How do you see this in relation to the issue (that is raised in couple's therapy oftentimes) of choosing between being "right" versus being loving (accepting). There the dilema is that oftentimes people will insist on being "right" (sometimes framing it as a "respect" issue) and in the process make their partner "wrong". That can then destroy the loving acceptance between them that the relationship needs. I wonder if your reasoning in this article would be read as suggesting that people should choose being "right" over being "loving"? I do see the value in not giving up one's "self" just to be liked... and yet I think it is also important to remember that we can also go too far in the other direction- of valuing our opinions, our thoughts, above relationships, above love, above even the reality of the moment. And thoughts (which are not really "self") are often distorted and often change- such that what you fight for vehemently one day, you may not even believe the next- and yet you might lose real and meaningful love and connection in the process... Maybe what grates at me is the seemingly implied message that if there is conflict/disagreement, then it is always best to just hold onto your own viewpoint, don't open yourself to any possible outer influence (beware the dreaded codependence), and if they won't see it your way, then move on (no wonder our divorce rate is so high)... That sort of approach can definitely lead to serious loneliness and disconnect and loss of meaning in life- and sometimes for no good reason. I guess I'd be more inclined to encourage people to think carefully about what is most important to them in that situation(to the best that they can discern that)and then assess what choices would best move them in that valued direction. Sometimes the choice would then be to choose love (and not worry about who is right... it often is an unanswerable question anyways and not of any real import)and sometimes the choice would be to continue along your path despite opposition... in either case you can have self-respect, because you are doing your best to live your values. Maintaining a balance between how much you give to your relationships with how much you give to your self is another important piece to this puzzle. - would love to hear your thoughts on this. thanks & be well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com