4 Ways to Deal with Death and other Losses

My sweet Creature, my faithful companion of more than 18 years, aka 'the reading kitty', left her body a week ago. She loved nothing more than literally being on me, sitting in my lap while I did client sessions (An animal communicator once told me that Creature thought she was getting a healing each time.) She was fine till two days before she checked out (the vet gave her an AOK about 3 weeks previously), then suddenly had a hard time walking and finally didn't want water. I knew the end was near, and she breathed her last while in my arm, immediately after a reading. [If you're reading this on Facebook, many thanks for your thoughts, stories and prayers. I'm not rehashing old ground, rather, I'm sharing what I've learned from the experience.]

The experience got me thinking about the human experience of loss, what makes it so difficult and how to make it easier. I see four issues/remedies. The first two are for just about any loss of a person/relationship -- a romantic or marriage breakup,  a child going off to college, going into the military or just moving out, the ending of a friendship due to betrayal, and of course, your garden variety 'death', that is, one of sickness or old age, or even accident. [Murders feel very different -- trust me, one of my friends was murdered a while back.] The second two really relate only to 'death'. 

Issue 1 - Cords:  When you have an intense and/or long-term relationship with someone, your energy bodies (that is, the electromagnetic fields we all have) create electromagnetic connections with each other. These are  called 'cords' because they literally look like cords of energy between the two of you. This is why we say things like "my heart goes out to you" -- we have created an energy cord between our hearts. When one of you drops your physical body, or ends the relationship abruptly (even if it's planned), the cords, and their connections to your energy body are abruptly torn, leaving holes in your energy field. This is generally interpreted as emotional pain, though in truth, it's quasi-physical (one of the layers of the electromagentic body is emotional). This will usually heal in time, because bodies do know how to heal themselves. You can also intentionally heal the holes through visualization (call me at 888-4-hollis if you want help).

Issue 2 - Triggers: When you see your pet's favorite chair -- now empty, or hear 'our song', or catch the waft of a familiar cologne on the breeze, or taste Grandma's madeleine,  it can trigger a strong memory of the relationship you used to have. What you do with that memory, how you compare it to what exists in the present, and how often you access that comparison affects your experience of the loss. If you only compare what was (which you liked) to what is -- and label that change 'missing', you are probably going to be miserable. One really simple solution to this: if you are constantly experiencing the comparison, and finding it unpleasant, just 'Be here now" -- focus your attention in the present.

Since memories are carried holographically in our energy field, you can change them. What you do is  change yourself, your energy field, to match what is, not what was.  (Again, call me at 888-4-hollis if you want help, because there are specific NLP ways to deal with triggers).

Issue 3 - Beliefs: Many people have the mistaken notion that mourning, feeling bad, somehow honors the dead. Nothing could be further from the truth. Why would someone you love want you to suffer? This is the experience of one of my clients, who is also a medium. He says he's had multiple encounters with those on the other side, who say, 'please tell my loved on to move on -- I want him/her to be happy.'

If you truly believe your loved one is in a better place,  then you should be happy for him/her -- and the only person you are feeling bad for is you. And you can change that -- see (1) and (2) above.

Issue 4 - Transcommunication:  Which brings us to communication with the other side. Yesterday, I 'got' that Creature wanted to show me how much she loved me, and I could feel her little paws on my thighs as I sat. Now that I know she's fine, I'm fine. So do your best to communicate across the veil, and if you need help to do it, get help.

A Simple Way to Cultivate Non-attachment

I hadn't heard from Sally, a long-time friend, in quite a while, either by phone or email. I got a little worried, as this really isn't like her. I called a few weeks ago, left messages on both her home and cell phones, and she didn't return the call. So I called again yesterday, and she picked up the phone! Hooray!

Now, Sally is unbelievably capable. At one point, she was raising a son as a single mom, running an apartment complex -- and finishing her undergraduate degree at Harvard. She has always managed to provide for herself and her (now grown) son -- often quite well. But she bought too much investment real estate too late in the bubble, and is now underwater on all of it -- not to mention its negative cash flow. Luckily she's still employed, still likes her job. And she's writing a book to help others cope with the chronic illness her son has.

She said she's been hiding out. That she really doesn't want to see me, or anyone for that matter. That sometimes, during the week, she'll make plans with someone for Saturday or Sunday, and then not be up to following through when it gets around to the weekend. She said something that struck me, though -- that she's had to let go of her identity as a successful business woman.

I'm not sure I agree with her. She still had all the successes she had -- she just made a bad judgment or three.

In any case, as people lose jobs, or homes, or investments, they are letting go of their identities as successful workers, or homeowners or prosperous investors. Perhaps letting go of the identity is more painful than the actual loss -- after all, as Sally says, you wouldn't know anything was different by how I live -- nothing's really changed.

I ruminated on her comments all day yesterday, and woke up in the middle of the night with this exercise:

1) Get a lined 8.5x11" pad.
2) In a column down the left side, write a series of "I am" statements, filling the page. Here are a few examples:

• I am a human being.
• I am a woman.
• I am a homeowner.
• I am a teacher.
• I am afraid.

3) Next to each one, write a '/' an then the corresponding "I am not" statements, like this:

• I am a human being./ I am not a human being
• I am a woman./ I am not a woman.
• I am a homeowner./ I am not a homeowner.
• I am a teacher./ I am not a teacher./
• I am afraid./ I am not afraid.

4) Ask yourself how both of those things can be true. So,

• I am a human being -- but I am a spirit in a human body.
• I am a woman, but as a spirit, I may or may not be female.
• I am a homeowner -- but does my home more own me?
• I am a teacher, but I do other things, as well.
• I am afraid -- some of the time, but much of the time I am not afraid.

The effect should be a real neutrality, or non-attachment.