Intense feelings of love use the same parts of the brain that pain uses. So preliminary research shows that when you're feeling madly in love, you are less likely to feel physical pain.
Love takes up where pain leaves off, brain study shows
Maybe this is why a break up hurts so much? Because you're now feeling pain you haven't felt in a while?
The study also shows that distraction alleviates pain, too. This is something you can use. Next time you feel pain, enumerate sports that don't use balls -- or think of your favorite food, or your happy place.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Book Recommendation #2: "Crowdsourcing"
What do iStockPhoto, Barack Obama's 2008 Presidential campaign, "American Idol" and Wikipedia have in common?
They're all crowdsourced, which means that a vast number of people contribute, either information, opinions or money. This is the wave of the future, and is already changing a number of industries, from journalism to publishing to entertainment. More than that, it's changing society, back from a consumer culture to one where the line between producer and consumer is blurred (think about it, before mass production, a small group pretty much consumed what it produced).
The rewards that drive the crowd are not, primarily, monetary. They are, instead, the ability to create, to share what they've created, to learn, collaborate and to have a good reputation among their peers.
The book has a clear history of crowdsourcing, and why it works, as well as a first take on the 'rules of crowdsourcing' -- how to make a crowdsourcing effort work. Oh, and a great investment tip, too!
They're all crowdsourced, which means that a vast number of people contribute, either information, opinions or money. This is the wave of the future, and is already changing a number of industries, from journalism to publishing to entertainment. More than that, it's changing society, back from a consumer culture to one where the line between producer and consumer is blurred (think about it, before mass production, a small group pretty much consumed what it produced).
The rewards that drive the crowd are not, primarily, monetary. They are, instead, the ability to create, to share what they've created, to learn, collaborate and to have a good reputation among their peers.
The book has a clear history of crowdsourcing, and why it works, as well as a first take on the 'rules of crowdsourcing' -- how to make a crowdsourcing effort work. Oh, and a great investment tip, too!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Book #1: This Isn't the Story You Think It Is
If you have ever tried to stick to your spiritual beliefs (like staying positive) in a crisis, this book is for you.
It's a beautifully written memoir, by a woman navigating a crisis that threatens to tear her life and her world apart. She writes clearly and candidly about what she sees, like this:
"...here's what I am convince of. In fact, I think it's the key to a relationship. Any relationship:
"If you get out of someone's way, they will fight and they will kick, but eventually, there's nothing they can do but look at themselves and get real. Very, very real. Or totally self-combust in a life of lies. Or that dear opiate, denial."
She holds her ground, using Buddhist principles (though she doesn't mention Buddhism till about page 200, and then only in passing). She uses the situation to look at herself, learn lessons, and shift -- an example for us all.
It's a beautifully written memoir, by a woman navigating a crisis that threatens to tear her life and her world apart. She writes clearly and candidly about what she sees, like this:
"...here's what I am convince of. In fact, I think it's the key to a relationship. Any relationship:
"If you get out of someone's way, they will fight and they will kick, but eventually, there's nothing they can do but look at themselves and get real. Very, very real. Or totally self-combust in a life of lies. Or that dear opiate, denial."
She holds her ground, using Buddhist principles (though she doesn't mention Buddhism till about page 200, and then only in passing). She uses the situation to look at herself, learn lessons, and shift -- an example for us all.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Reading and Writing
I read a lot. Really a lot. Usually at least one book a week, often two -- and I've done that for most of my life. When I was a kid, my dad used to refer to me affectionately as Connie, the Constant Reader (he inculcated the habit in me). I've even been known to read while walking. It was a big relief that at Harvard Business School, other people were doing that, too -- I was no longer the only one!
I've been wanting to share the really good books with you -- the 'keepers', the ones that either make a big impression on me, or the ones that I know I'll be referring back to with some regularity. Now Amazon has made that easy! I can't promise that I'll have a book of the week, or even a book of the month, because I read a lot I can't strongly recommend. I do have a backlog, though, so there may be more than I think...
As an aside --
I credit reading with any writing ability I have -- William Goldman (author of The Princess Bride
, Marathon Man
, and many others) taught me to write. I was captivated by his first book, Boys and Girls Together
, which my dad shared with me when I was probably way too young for him to have done that, maybe 13. So I searched out other books Goldman had written, and loved that he told stories not in any fancy language, but as if he were literally talking to me. (The Princess Bride is really amazing for this. Although the movie
depicts the fantastic story-within-a-story very colorfully, it pretty much leaves out the real world part, which was my favorite part. If you loved the movie, you should still read the book.) Adventures in the Screen Trade
and Which Lie Did I Tell?
are two more 'write as you'd speak' books.
I've been wanting to share the really good books with you -- the 'keepers', the ones that either make a big impression on me, or the ones that I know I'll be referring back to with some regularity. Now Amazon has made that easy! I can't promise that I'll have a book of the week, or even a book of the month, because I read a lot I can't strongly recommend. I do have a backlog, though, so there may be more than I think...
As an aside --
I credit reading with any writing ability I have -- William Goldman (author of The Princess Bride
, Marathon Man, and many others) taught me to write. I was captivated by his first book, Boys and Girls Together, which my dad shared with me when I was probably way too young for him to have done that, maybe 13. So I searched out other books Goldman had written, and loved that he told stories not in any fancy language, but as if he were literally talking to me. (The Princess Bride is really amazing for this. Although the movie depicts the fantastic story-within-a-story very colorfully, it pretty much leaves out the real world part, which was my favorite part. If you loved the movie, you should still read the book.) Adventures in the Screen Trade and Which Lie Did I Tell? are two more 'write as you'd speak' books.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Thursday, October 07, 2010
My Life in Pictures
If you are my friend on FB, you know that I post a photo just about every day (courtesy of my iPhone). It started as a way to share the amazing things I saw each morning when I walked. Then I realized it was a way to show up without having to think of anything to actually say. Because there are lots of days when I don't have anything special to say.
Now I realize it's a photographic diary of my life. Because all those photos of flowers and dogs and rabbits and turkeys and mountains and beaches are my memories. When I look at one of them, I can recall exactly where I was standing, and who, if anyone, was there with me, maybe even the conversation that happened. It's a full 3-D recall, partly in my body, looking at the phone's screen as I framed the photo, and partly outside my body, looking down from the sky. Looking at a photo, I can reach back into that morning, and maybe even recall a bit about how the rest of the day would unfold.
Does that happen for you?
I don't think it happens for everyone. In fact, my teenaged stepson has a kind of inverse reaction. A few months ago he told me that the only thing wrong with last night's party was that no one had taken his picture. The gist of the conversation was that if he wasn't in anyone's photos, then somehow, he wasn't quite there.
I'm rarely in the photos -- I'm usually the one taking them, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Now I realize it's a photographic diary of my life. Because all those photos of flowers and dogs and rabbits and turkeys and mountains and beaches are my memories. When I look at one of them, I can recall exactly where I was standing, and who, if anyone, was there with me, maybe even the conversation that happened. It's a full 3-D recall, partly in my body, looking at the phone's screen as I framed the photo, and partly outside my body, looking down from the sky. Looking at a photo, I can reach back into that morning, and maybe even recall a bit about how the rest of the day would unfold.
Does that happen for you?
I don't think it happens for everyone. In fact, my teenaged stepson has a kind of inverse reaction. A few months ago he told me that the only thing wrong with last night's party was that no one had taken his picture. The gist of the conversation was that if he wasn't in anyone's photos, then somehow, he wasn't quite there.
I'm rarely in the photos -- I'm usually the one taking them, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
In Praise of Doing Nothing
We live in a culture that prizes busyness -- as if, the more busy we are, the more important or valuable we are. That's a fallacy.
There is a difference between being busy and being productive. You can be busy doing almost anything. I know one woman who managed to make cooking and cleaning a 3 bedroom apartment a full time job -- for over a decade. And that worked for her.
But if you are continually doing something, and you'd rather be doing something (anything?) else, then you need to compare how you are spending your time, to see if it matches what is important to you. Try keeping a diary of how you spend your time for a couple of normal (i.e. non-vacation) weeks. You can do this easily by keeping a small (2"x3") notebook with you, and noting the time that you changed activities. You might learn some really interesting things about yourself.
At a minimum, you might figure out what to let go of. Do you need to change the sheets every week? Would every other week be okay? Do you have to do the laundry? Can someone else do that?
On the other hand, productivity can look very lazy. Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network, TV's The West Wing) recently said that when he writes, he spends a long time, months even, pondering all aspects what he's going to write before he puts pen to paper. And that pondering can look like a lot of watching ESPN.
Even when you're not pondering, sometimes there's just nothing to do. You've done all the prep you can, you've made all the calls, and you have to wait for an answer, whether it's from a huge potential client or the universe. You can make yourself crazy while you wait -- or you can relax and do nothing.
So what looks like doing nothing can be a precursor to something big.
There is a difference between being busy and being productive. You can be busy doing almost anything. I know one woman who managed to make cooking and cleaning a 3 bedroom apartment a full time job -- for over a decade. And that worked for her.
But if you are continually doing something, and you'd rather be doing something (anything?) else, then you need to compare how you are spending your time, to see if it matches what is important to you. Try keeping a diary of how you spend your time for a couple of normal (i.e. non-vacation) weeks. You can do this easily by keeping a small (2"x3") notebook with you, and noting the time that you changed activities. You might learn some really interesting things about yourself.
At a minimum, you might figure out what to let go of. Do you need to change the sheets every week? Would every other week be okay? Do you have to do the laundry? Can someone else do that?
On the other hand, productivity can look very lazy. Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network, TV's The West Wing) recently said that when he writes, he spends a long time, months even, pondering all aspects what he's going to write before he puts pen to paper. And that pondering can look like a lot of watching ESPN.
Even when you're not pondering, sometimes there's just nothing to do. You've done all the prep you can, you've made all the calls, and you have to wait for an answer, whether it's from a huge potential client or the universe. You can make yourself crazy while you wait -- or you can relax and do nothing.
So what looks like doing nothing can be a precursor to something big.
Learn Different Models of Communication
Today's workplace demands more communication skills than ever before.
Considering the sheer quantity of information, communication media, generational and cultural factors, and pace of change, communication competence is crucial.
Traditionally, how we communicate has been seen as a function of our culture, personality, upbringing, and maybe even intellect. We have informal models of how to communicate, as well as formal models we may have learned along the way.
While businesses have long recognized the need to improve communication and develop people, and have used a variety of approaches to do so, few know how to leverage Communication Modeling to serve their enterprises.
Intended for both users and providers of communication modeling, this panel lays a foundation for thinking about modeling communication and highlights the benefits and distinguishing features of several widely used models, including Compassionate / Non-Violent Communication (NVC), 5 Dynamics, and Neurolinguistics.
This is in Santa Clara, CA on Oct. 4, from 6 - 7 PM. Sign up at www.sbodn.com
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Future of Privacy
Are you upset about the lack of privacy on the web? About how current or potential employers can see those photos of you from college, or worse, high school, of you doing the stupid things you still can't believe you did back then? Perhaps a little historical perspective is in order.
Back when humans lived in small clans, and even when we lived mostly in villages, everyone knew everyone else's business, all the time. You couldn't have an adulterous affair, and expect not to be branded with the letter A. If your acts were too outrageous, you had to leave the tribe or clan, which in some cases meant certain death. Consequently, people moderated their behavior to suit the norms of their society. Yes, it was stultifying, and you can read about that in countless Victorian novels. (There are still places like this, places where entire extended families sleep in the same room
, and so nothing is private, not even sex between a husband and wife.)
Towns and cities grew. More people moved away from their farms and small towns to live in these cities. Living alone in a city, you began to feel that what you did was private, and largely anonymous. (Please note that anonymity is often conflated with privacy here.) The result of this privacy/anonymity is the feeling that you could indulge in all sorts of debauched or nefarious behavior without anyone knowing, which is to say, without consequences. And you feel the strongest privacy/anonymity within your own home, your refuge from the outside world. (In the US, this is partly because of the 4th Amendment to the Constitution, which states, in part, that "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated".)
Along comes the Internet, and especially Facebook, which has made it ridiculously easy for you to document your own life if you have access to a computer and/or a smartphone. Unfortunately, all your friends can do this, too. So now, any unguarded, embarrassing behavior, even done in your own home, can now be opened up to the scrutiny of the entire world. Global village, indeed! We are, in fact, coming full circle. Or as Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google, says, "If you have something that you don't want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place."
Now imagine that the internet is a precursor for humanity's development. Envision a world where the internet is unnecessary because everyone can tap into the same knowledge base, where everyone has internal access to all knowledge all the time. Envision a world where everyone has fully developed intuitive abilities -- especially external clairvoyance (the ability to see everyone's energy fields), clairsentience (the ability to feel other's emotions) and telepathy (the ability to know what others are thinking). This is where I think we're headed.
You'll have to modify not only your behavior, but also your thoughts, which cause your feelings, or everyone will know. The good news is that you'll know everything about everyone else, too, so they'll have to modify their behavior and thoughts, as well. This will result in more fair trade, because everyone will be aware of the consequences of their purchases. It will also result in a lot less crime, as it will be intuitively obvious to everyone that a crime is about to be committed, and people will choose to intervene gently. People will eventually be easier on themselves, too, because they'll have example of how to change their thoughts, so they don't have to beat themselves up.
Back when humans lived in small clans, and even when we lived mostly in villages, everyone knew everyone else's business, all the time. You couldn't have an adulterous affair, and expect not to be branded with the letter A. If your acts were too outrageous, you had to leave the tribe or clan, which in some cases meant certain death. Consequently, people moderated their behavior to suit the norms of their society. Yes, it was stultifying, and you can read about that in countless Victorian novels. (There are still places like this, places where entire extended families sleep in the same room
, and so nothing is private, not even sex between a husband and wife.) Towns and cities grew. More people moved away from their farms and small towns to live in these cities. Living alone in a city, you began to feel that what you did was private, and largely anonymous. (Please note that anonymity is often conflated with privacy here.) The result of this privacy/anonymity is the feeling that you could indulge in all sorts of debauched or nefarious behavior without anyone knowing, which is to say, without consequences. And you feel the strongest privacy/anonymity within your own home, your refuge from the outside world. (In the US, this is partly because of the 4th Amendment to the Constitution, which states, in part, that "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated".)
Along comes the Internet, and especially Facebook, which has made it ridiculously easy for you to document your own life if you have access to a computer and/or a smartphone. Unfortunately, all your friends can do this, too. So now, any unguarded, embarrassing behavior, even done in your own home, can now be opened up to the scrutiny of the entire world. Global village, indeed! We are, in fact, coming full circle. Or as Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google, says, "If you have something that you don't want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place."
Now imagine that the internet is a precursor for humanity's development. Envision a world where the internet is unnecessary because everyone can tap into the same knowledge base, where everyone has internal access to all knowledge all the time. Envision a world where everyone has fully developed intuitive abilities -- especially external clairvoyance (the ability to see everyone's energy fields), clairsentience (the ability to feel other's emotions) and telepathy (the ability to know what others are thinking). This is where I think we're headed.
You'll have to modify not only your behavior, but also your thoughts, which cause your feelings, or everyone will know. The good news is that you'll know everything about everyone else, too, so they'll have to modify their behavior and thoughts, as well. This will result in more fair trade, because everyone will be aware of the consequences of their purchases. It will also result in a lot less crime, as it will be intuitively obvious to everyone that a crime is about to be committed, and people will choose to intervene gently. People will eventually be easier on themselves, too, because they'll have example of how to change their thoughts, so they don't have to beat themselves up.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
A Prayer for the Year
The Jewish New Year, 5771, begins tonight at sunset. Beginning the year in the fall, when the harvest comes in and school begins has always made more sense to me than when we celebrate it on January 1. Anyway, a few years ago, I came across the following prayer, and want to share it with you. Please read all the way through -- the good stuff begins at the fourth paragraph.
On Rosh Hashanah it is written
And on Yom Kippur it is sealed:
No song is so trivial,
no story is so commonplace, No deed is so insignificant That it is not recorded.
Each mean act leaves its imprint All our deeds and thoughts, the good and the bad, Are noted and remembered in eternity.
Rosh Hashanah Prayer
On Rosh Hashanah it is written
And on Yom Kippur it is sealed:
How many shall leave this world; and how many shall be born; who shall live and who shall die, who in the fullness of years and who before; who shall perish by ire and who by water, who by sword and who by a wild beat; who by famine and who by thirst, who by earthquake and who by plague, who by strangling and who by stoning; who shall rest and who shall wander, who shall be serene and who disturbed, who shall be at ease and who afflicted; who shall be impoverished and who enriched, who shall be humbled and who exalted.
BUT REPENTANCE, PRAYER AND DEEDS OF KINDNESS CAN REMOVE THE SEVERITY OF THE DECREE.
Each of us is an author
Writing, with deeds, in the Akasha
And each of us has the power
To write lines that will never be lost.
No kindness is ever done in vain
Remember always
What you do lives forever.
The echoes of your words
Resound until the end of time.
May our lives reflect this awareness
Mar our deeds bring no shame or reproach
May the entries we make in the Akasha
Be ever acceptable to You.
[Note: I have changed a the words "Book of LIfe" to Akasha and "Him" to "You" to make it feel more personal.)
Monday, September 06, 2010
Work Ethic on Tour
Q: What do you do when you're the headliner at a music festival, and you're sick?
Yesterday was my annual day of being a roadie at the Sausalito Art Festival, which actually has a huge stage and features live performances by formerly huge acts. This year's lineup included The Bangles, The Fixx, Pablo Cruise and Dave Mason. Dave Mason was the headliner yesterday, filling the last slot from 4:30 - 6PM. I heard that Dave Mason wasn't feeling well, that he was recuperating from some bug.
I was working security to backstage, which basically means making sure no one goes back there without a pass. This is a bit tricky, because the performers have to walk back and forth from the real backstage across a public walkway to the dressing room area, they don't wear their passes because that would look silly on stage -- and although I know the music, I wouldn't know any of these people if I fell over them. In addition, the bartenders keep their booze back there, but are not given backstage passes. So you have to watch faces, and I do.
Right before Dave Mason was supposed to start, one guy without a pass, muttered "I don't wanna go to work today" as he walked from the dressing room area to the true backstage. I figured it was one of the musicians -- who else would be saying that?
A few minutes later, I was watching the show from back stage -- and the guy who 'didn't wanna go to work today'? Dave Mason.
A: You show up, give it your all anyway -- and leave the crowd happy.
Yesterday was my annual day of being a roadie at the Sausalito Art Festival, which actually has a huge stage and features live performances by formerly huge acts. This year's lineup included The Bangles, The Fixx, Pablo Cruise and Dave Mason. Dave Mason was the headliner yesterday, filling the last slot from 4:30 - 6PM. I heard that Dave Mason wasn't feeling well, that he was recuperating from some bug.
I was working security to backstage, which basically means making sure no one goes back there without a pass. This is a bit tricky, because the performers have to walk back and forth from the real backstage across a public walkway to the dressing room area, they don't wear their passes because that would look silly on stage -- and although I know the music, I wouldn't know any of these people if I fell over them. In addition, the bartenders keep their booze back there, but are not given backstage passes. So you have to watch faces, and I do.
Right before Dave Mason was supposed to start, one guy without a pass, muttered "I don't wanna go to work today" as he walked from the dressing room area to the true backstage. I figured it was one of the musicians -- who else would be saying that?
A few minutes later, I was watching the show from back stage -- and the guy who 'didn't wanna go to work today'? Dave Mason.
A: You show up, give it your all anyway -- and leave the crowd happy.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Does Your Language Shape How You Think? - NYTimes.com
Anyone who has ever studied another language has probably wondered about this. I remember thinking about the English word, 'well', which is translated into 'bien' in French. 'Bien' has many more shadings of meaning than the adjective or adverb 'well' -- and 'well' is also something you get water from in English, while the French word for that is 'puits'.
Does Your Language Shape How You Think? - NYTimes.com
Does Your Language Shape How You Think? - NYTimes.com
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Intentions, Affirmations, Decisions
Do you set an intention before you do something? I often do. I like to ask participants in my classes to set an intention for the state that they'll be in during the class, or for what they choose to get out of the class. I've noticed that when people do this, they tend to get more out of the class.
Have you ever done an affirmation? If you have, you probably know how powerful they are. In case you've never done one, it's a positive, present tense statement of something that you want, that can be controlled by you, as if it already existed. I'm a huge believer in affirmations, because a few of them have really changed my life, including the one that brought my wonderful husband to me. (Want to know how that can work for you? Call me for a session.) Others have changed my relationship to time and to myself.
Just today, though, a very wise woman pointed out that there is something even more powerful -- a decision. Normally, we think of decisions as being choices of what to do or not do. She was talking, however, about deciding what to think and what to believe. Yes, you can choose your beliefs, that is, you can choose what you take as real. You can decide what to believe about the world -- and about yourself.
No matter how cavalierly we use them, words have actual meanings -- meanings which carry the energy from their root words, and from the billions of times the words and their roots have been used. So it's important to pay attention to the distinctions between these words:
Intention is from Latin intendere, to stretch out for or aim at. So when you intend something, you are saying, 'this is my goal -- but I might not make it'. You are allowing the possibility of failure.
Decision is from Latin decisio, a cutting short. The implication is that you are cutting off all choices but one. This manifests in reality. When you decide, you are only allowing that one thing to happen.
Affirmation is from Latin affirmare, to present as fixed, or make firm. So in order for an affirmation to work, you must first decide that this is so.
It seems from these definitions that you can have a general intention, but for actual results, it's best to make a decision, which you then restate regularly in an affirmation.
Neurolinguistics teaches us that nominalizations, which are nouns made from frozen verbs, rather than real things you can touch, are less powerful than the verbs that spawn them, because they hide lots of information. That is, you can 'make a decision' and it's a complete thought, but if 'you decide', that is not a complete thought. It requires you to state what you decide. Similarly, you can 'have an intention' while you must intend something in particular, and you can 'do an affirmation' while you must affirm something specific.
To get results then, what works best is to decide something, and then to affirm that decision regularly.
Have you ever done an affirmation? If you have, you probably know how powerful they are. In case you've never done one, it's a positive, present tense statement of something that you want, that can be controlled by you, as if it already existed. I'm a huge believer in affirmations, because a few of them have really changed my life, including the one that brought my wonderful husband to me. (Want to know how that can work for you? Call me for a session.) Others have changed my relationship to time and to myself.
Just today, though, a very wise woman pointed out that there is something even more powerful -- a decision. Normally, we think of decisions as being choices of what to do or not do. She was talking, however, about deciding what to think and what to believe. Yes, you can choose your beliefs, that is, you can choose what you take as real. You can decide what to believe about the world -- and about yourself.
No matter how cavalierly we use them, words have actual meanings -- meanings which carry the energy from their root words, and from the billions of times the words and their roots have been used. So it's important to pay attention to the distinctions between these words:
Intention is from Latin intendere, to stretch out for or aim at. So when you intend something, you are saying, 'this is my goal -- but I might not make it'. You are allowing the possibility of failure.
Decision is from Latin decisio, a cutting short. The implication is that you are cutting off all choices but one. This manifests in reality. When you decide, you are only allowing that one thing to happen.
Affirmation is from Latin affirmare, to present as fixed, or make firm. So in order for an affirmation to work, you must first decide that this is so.
It seems from these definitions that you can have a general intention, but for actual results, it's best to make a decision, which you then restate regularly in an affirmation.
Neurolinguistics teaches us that nominalizations, which are nouns made from frozen verbs, rather than real things you can touch, are less powerful than the verbs that spawn them, because they hide lots of information. That is, you can 'make a decision' and it's a complete thought, but if 'you decide', that is not a complete thought. It requires you to state what you decide. Similarly, you can 'have an intention' while you must intend something in particular, and you can 'do an affirmation' while you must affirm something specific.
To get results then, what works best is to decide something, and then to affirm that decision regularly.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Watch your Metaphors!
The words you use really do matter, because your unconscious mind, and your body, hear every word you think, and take them much more literally than you can imagine -- along with all their (less tan obvious) implications.
I especially like the part about the 'knight in shining armor'.
News
I especially like the part about the 'knight in shining armor'.
News
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
How NOT to Serve Customers
You may or may not have noticed that I've been a little slow to post lately. It's due to external circumstances, including the upgrade of my financial software. My Credit Union upgraded their website, which required that I upgrade my Quicken software, because they no longer support the version I was using.
The latest version is stripped of many features, so the one before that is actually better, as it is more complete. (How ridiculous is this? Is Quicken's owner just trying to get me to upgrade to the more expensive QuickBooks, which I don't really need, to get the features that used to be in Quicken? Note to self: anything entitled 'Essentials' means stripped.)
When you download Quicken for the Mac, you then have to download 2 patches! (Why couldn't they patch the program so you just have to download it?)
After I downloaded the software and installed it, and the patches and installed each of them. I was ready to use it. Worked fine with my other financial institutions -- just not with the Credit Union.
So I called the Credit Union, and input all my information into the phone tree system, only to have to give it all again when I got a human, who still had to direct me to another human, to whom I had to give all the information again. (If I give this information once, why do I have to give it two more times? Can't your computer system keep the info with my call? Or at least my name? Or my customer number?)
When I finally got the real technical support, I told them I thought this was their problem, because the software worked with every other institution but theirs. I even gave them the error number on the software. Of course, they made me go through a bunch of things to prove that I wasn't stupid and just doing things wrong. And each time, we came up with the same error number. Surprise, surprise.
So they said they had a problem, and would call me in 24 - 48 business hours, which sounds okay, but since they're only open 10 hours/day, that means 3 - 5 business days. (Does 3 - 5 business days sound like good customer service to you?) As that was the best they could do, I accepted that. (We'll call this Day 1.)
They called me on Day 5, and said that they still didn't have an answer for me, but would within 5 business days. They never called me again.
So on Day 11, I called them. (I should not have had to do this.)
I went through the whole phone tree and explaining my problem 3 times again -- even though I gave them the case number at the very beginning. The techie was useless. Worse than that, he told me that my case number had been labeled 'satisfied'. This infuriated me, as no one ever talked to me to give me information or find out if I was satisfied! (Don't ever label a customer trouble case satisfied without talking to the customer.) I asked to speak with his supervisor.
The supervisor was also useless, and told me it was my problem, and I had to work it out with Quicken. I told him it was a problem between their institution and Quicken, and suggested we all get on the phone together to resolve it. He told me it was impossible to call Quicken, so I should just do chat with them to resolve it. (Do you really believe that it wasn't possible for a corporate customer to call Quicken? I don't. And don't lie to your customer about what's possible -- see below.)
Chat is unbelievably slow, but there is actually an option on Quicken's website for them to call you, so I chose that, on Day 12. (It says they'll call within an hour, but it's actually two hours. (Don't promise what you can't deliver.)
A very nice Indian guy (in New Delhi), who said his name was Sammy, called me. We went through every possible thing that could be wrong with the software (bad data file, bad download, bad installation, etc.) for 2 hours, only to determine that this was not my problem, nor was it Quicken's. We even explored to see if there was a way to download the information from the Credit Union's website. Unfortunately, all that's possible is a spreadsheet download, and Quicken can't import spreadsheets.
I suggested that we call the Credit Union, which Sammy got permission to do from his supervisor. He conferenced me to a third line, dialed, and then I went through the whole rigamarole with all my info 4 more times, till I got to yet another useless tech support person. When I asked for his name, all he'd give me was his first name. When I asked for an extension, he wouldn't give me one. When I asked to speak to his supervisor, and his supervisor's name and extension, all he said was that his name was George, wouldn't give me a last name, or an extension, and George wasn't available, so could he put me through to voice mail? (Don't stonewall an obviously irate customer.) I said no, we were going to stay on the line until we got George, because I was on the phone with the Quicken guy from India, and this was the only way we could all talk, at least according to George. At this point, I'd been on the phone with Sammy for 3 hours. Mr. Stonewall just asked again to put me through to voice mail, at which point, I asked if he was even in the same building as his supervisor, so he could flag him down. More stonewall. At this point, I told him that if I were not on the phone with George in 60 seconds, my next call would be to the President of the Credit Union to complain, naming names. It took so long to get George that while Sammy and I were waiting, I used another phone to call the Credit Union, went through the whole phone tree, and was on the phone with the head of Customer Service (the President's assistant not being available) by the time George got on the phone.
Sammy politely explained, at least 3 times, that we'd been through every possible way that it could have been my fault, so he was completely sure that it wasn't my fault, or Quicken's. George actually heard this, and at this point, admitted that they knew this was a problem they were having! He told me he had no idea when it would be fixed. (!!!) When I pushed him, he told me that it was a '1', or highest priority to fix, and that it had been assigned to a team. (Since he didn't know when it would be fixed, he should have volunteered this info as a way to reassure me.) He promised me daily updates on its status. He did not call me the next business day, but someone did call me this morning to say that it should be fixed within 48 hours, which would make it Day 17.
Sammy had been on the phone with me for almost 4 hours at this point, and I asked to speak to his supervisor to praise him. (I'm also sending a copy of this to one of my clients who works at Quicken.)
The Credit Union's head of Customer Service told me he'd follow up and make sure things were resolved within 2 -3 business days. We'll see if that happens. If not, you know who I'm calling -- the President of the Credit Union.
So, to sum up:
The latest version is stripped of many features, so the one before that is actually better, as it is more complete. (How ridiculous is this? Is Quicken's owner just trying to get me to upgrade to the more expensive QuickBooks, which I don't really need, to get the features that used to be in Quicken? Note to self: anything entitled 'Essentials' means stripped.)
When you download Quicken for the Mac, you then have to download 2 patches! (Why couldn't they patch the program so you just have to download it?)
After I downloaded the software and installed it, and the patches and installed each of them. I was ready to use it. Worked fine with my other financial institutions -- just not with the Credit Union.
So I called the Credit Union, and input all my information into the phone tree system, only to have to give it all again when I got a human, who still had to direct me to another human, to whom I had to give all the information again. (If I give this information once, why do I have to give it two more times? Can't your computer system keep the info with my call? Or at least my name? Or my customer number?)
When I finally got the real technical support, I told them I thought this was their problem, because the software worked with every other institution but theirs. I even gave them the error number on the software. Of course, they made me go through a bunch of things to prove that I wasn't stupid and just doing things wrong. And each time, we came up with the same error number. Surprise, surprise.
So they said they had a problem, and would call me in 24 - 48 business hours, which sounds okay, but since they're only open 10 hours/day, that means 3 - 5 business days. (Does 3 - 5 business days sound like good customer service to you?) As that was the best they could do, I accepted that. (We'll call this Day 1.)
They called me on Day 5, and said that they still didn't have an answer for me, but would within 5 business days. They never called me again.
So on Day 11, I called them. (I should not have had to do this.)
I went through the whole phone tree and explaining my problem 3 times again -- even though I gave them the case number at the very beginning. The techie was useless. Worse than that, he told me that my case number had been labeled 'satisfied'. This infuriated me, as no one ever talked to me to give me information or find out if I was satisfied! (Don't ever label a customer trouble case satisfied without talking to the customer.) I asked to speak with his supervisor.
The supervisor was also useless, and told me it was my problem, and I had to work it out with Quicken. I told him it was a problem between their institution and Quicken, and suggested we all get on the phone together to resolve it. He told me it was impossible to call Quicken, so I should just do chat with them to resolve it. (Do you really believe that it wasn't possible for a corporate customer to call Quicken? I don't. And don't lie to your customer about what's possible -- see below.)
Chat is unbelievably slow, but there is actually an option on Quicken's website for them to call you, so I chose that, on Day 12. (It says they'll call within an hour, but it's actually two hours. (Don't promise what you can't deliver.)
A very nice Indian guy (in New Delhi), who said his name was Sammy, called me. We went through every possible thing that could be wrong with the software (bad data file, bad download, bad installation, etc.) for 2 hours, only to determine that this was not my problem, nor was it Quicken's. We even explored to see if there was a way to download the information from the Credit Union's website. Unfortunately, all that's possible is a spreadsheet download, and Quicken can't import spreadsheets.
I suggested that we call the Credit Union, which Sammy got permission to do from his supervisor. He conferenced me to a third line, dialed, and then I went through the whole rigamarole with all my info 4 more times, till I got to yet another useless tech support person. When I asked for his name, all he'd give me was his first name. When I asked for an extension, he wouldn't give me one. When I asked to speak to his supervisor, and his supervisor's name and extension, all he said was that his name was George, wouldn't give me a last name, or an extension, and George wasn't available, so could he put me through to voice mail? (Don't stonewall an obviously irate customer.) I said no, we were going to stay on the line until we got George, because I was on the phone with the Quicken guy from India, and this was the only way we could all talk, at least according to George. At this point, I'd been on the phone with Sammy for 3 hours. Mr. Stonewall just asked again to put me through to voice mail, at which point, I asked if he was even in the same building as his supervisor, so he could flag him down. More stonewall. At this point, I told him that if I were not on the phone with George in 60 seconds, my next call would be to the President of the Credit Union to complain, naming names. It took so long to get George that while Sammy and I were waiting, I used another phone to call the Credit Union, went through the whole phone tree, and was on the phone with the head of Customer Service (the President's assistant not being available) by the time George got on the phone.
Sammy politely explained, at least 3 times, that we'd been through every possible way that it could have been my fault, so he was completely sure that it wasn't my fault, or Quicken's. George actually heard this, and at this point, admitted that they knew this was a problem they were having! He told me he had no idea when it would be fixed. (!!!) When I pushed him, he told me that it was a '1', or highest priority to fix, and that it had been assigned to a team. (Since he didn't know when it would be fixed, he should have volunteered this info as a way to reassure me.) He promised me daily updates on its status. He did not call me the next business day, but someone did call me this morning to say that it should be fixed within 48 hours, which would make it Day 17.
Sammy had been on the phone with me for almost 4 hours at this point, and I asked to speak to his supervisor to praise him. (I'm also sending a copy of this to one of my clients who works at Quicken.)
The Credit Union's head of Customer Service told me he'd follow up and make sure things were resolved within 2 -3 business days. We'll see if that happens. If not, you know who I'm calling -- the President of the Credit Union.
So, to sum up:
- The new, upgraded version of software should actually work better than the previous versions. If it's not as good, the company is just ripping you off by withdrawing support for earlier version and thereby forcing you to upgrade.
- Software you download from the company's website should work without patches.
- You should only have to give your information once when reporting a problem.
- Good customer service should have a reasonable time frame, like 24 hours, not 11 days.
- Keep your promises -- if you say you'll call back in a day, do it.
- Do not label a customer problem satisfied without talking to the customer. Do not hope the customer will just go away if you do nothing.
- Don't make the customer wrong when you know it's your problem.
- Don't lie to your customers about what's possible.
- Don't stonewall an irate customer -- it will only enrage that customer more.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
But Will it Make You Happy?
If your money (beyond survival) isn't making you happy, you're not spending it right. (Hint: Buy experiences, not things, because you get accustomed to the things. And don't buy anything fast -- you'll get more enjoyment if you anticipate it more.)
Consumers Find Ways to Spend Less and Find Happiness - NYTimes.com
Consumers Find Ways to Spend Less and Find Happiness - NYTimes.com
Monday, August 09, 2010
Compassion and Boundaries
My husband and I have a friend, whom I'll call Jim, whom we met about 18 months ago, as part of our volunteer work. Jim had time for this volunteer work because he'd recently been laid off from his software job. He was happy being a stay-at-home Dad to 2 small kids, and didn't seem too worried about finding another job, as his wife was making very good money as an attorney. We liked him -- he was outgoing, smart and perceptive, had lived many places and done a number of things for work, so he had all kinds of stories.
Then last October, Jim's wife decided she was done with him. While he was out of town, visiting his elderly parents, she emptied their bank accounts, packed up all their stuff of value, moved, and didn't pay the rent for that month. Then she instigated one of the uglier divorces I've seen. That left Jim unemployed, broke except for unemployment checks, and homeless.
A mutual friend, Joe, who lives in the Central Valley, let Jim stay rent-free in a Bay Area studio apartment that Joe rented so that he could be near his Peninsula work place a couple of nights a week. The idea was that this living arrangement would give Jim the stability to look for work, without overly inconveniencing Joe. The lease on that studio was up at the end of May, and Joe decided not to renew it, as the timing of his work had changed enough to render it unnecessary. So Jim was now homeless again. It's not clear that Jim ever looked for work, but in any case, he was still unemployed, as well.
Jim, however, had volunteered to do a big computer project for the organization through which we'd met him. Because we believed in his abilities, as well as the organization's mission, we agreed to let him move into our spare bedroom long enough to do it. Jim worked his butt off -- pretty much 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with enough time off to sleep and see his kids. We felt like supporting him while he did this work was our contribution to the organization.
When the project ended, my husband and I were unsure of what to do. We didn't want to just throw Jim into the street -- that didn't seem like the compassionate thing to do. On the other hand, we didn't want to let him live with us rent-free indefinitely, either, as there were very real costs to us (decreased privacy, increased cleaning and cooking for us, and increased utility bills). So we had some boundaries, as well. Jim couldn't afford rent, thanks in part to Congress, which was not funding unemployment. So we hit upon the idea of Jim doing handyman work in exchange for rent. (There were a few small things that really needed doing, and I maintain a list of improvements, which would be nice, but never seem important enough to either do myself or to fund.) Jim agreed to this as a fair trade. I gave him my prioritized list, and told him to work down it, asking questions as he went.
But then, for two weeks, he barely did anything at all. He put up a towel rack, nailed in a loose board on the deck, watered half the potted plants once (to be fair, I never asked him to water the plants). I had to nag him to put some things on freecycle, to measure the house for insulation and to shop for the best price online. This was not my idea of of how this was supposed to work.
Meanwhile, my husband, who dutifully goes to a job every day, was getting more and more agitated at Jim's lack of progress. He never seemed to be looking for work; he resisted calling the VA, or even a contact of my husband's at the EDD (CA unemployement folks), for help finding work. My stepson, whose job is triaging PC help calls for the Geek Squad, offered to steer IT work Jim's way, if only Jim would sign up as a provider. Jim never bothered to sign up.
On top of this, we went out of town one Saturday night, and Jim had an, um, overnight guest -- who was still there when we arrived home at 3PM -- without asking in advance if this would be okay. This was the last straw.
We knew we had to confront him. My husband spoke for both of us when he said he felt betrayed. [As a friend, who is expert in Transactional Analysis pointed out, a broken agreement is a betrayal.) I was left to give Jim a choice: either figure out how he was going to make up all the time he hadn't worked for us, and give us a schedule, or move out. He chose to move out, saying that were he in our position, he'd never have asked for a trade. To his credit he did move out within 24 hours, whining at the end that he'd just 'find the local homeless shelter'! (Actually, he found someone else who was willing to host him within 24 hours, too.)
Even though both my husband and I know we did the right thing, it was still hard. So here are my take-aways:
Then last October, Jim's wife decided she was done with him. While he was out of town, visiting his elderly parents, she emptied their bank accounts, packed up all their stuff of value, moved, and didn't pay the rent for that month. Then she instigated one of the uglier divorces I've seen. That left Jim unemployed, broke except for unemployment checks, and homeless.
A mutual friend, Joe, who lives in the Central Valley, let Jim stay rent-free in a Bay Area studio apartment that Joe rented so that he could be near his Peninsula work place a couple of nights a week. The idea was that this living arrangement would give Jim the stability to look for work, without overly inconveniencing Joe. The lease on that studio was up at the end of May, and Joe decided not to renew it, as the timing of his work had changed enough to render it unnecessary. So Jim was now homeless again. It's not clear that Jim ever looked for work, but in any case, he was still unemployed, as well.
Jim, however, had volunteered to do a big computer project for the organization through which we'd met him. Because we believed in his abilities, as well as the organization's mission, we agreed to let him move into our spare bedroom long enough to do it. Jim worked his butt off -- pretty much 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with enough time off to sleep and see his kids. We felt like supporting him while he did this work was our contribution to the organization.
When the project ended, my husband and I were unsure of what to do. We didn't want to just throw Jim into the street -- that didn't seem like the compassionate thing to do. On the other hand, we didn't want to let him live with us rent-free indefinitely, either, as there were very real costs to us (decreased privacy, increased cleaning and cooking for us, and increased utility bills). So we had some boundaries, as well. Jim couldn't afford rent, thanks in part to Congress, which was not funding unemployment. So we hit upon the idea of Jim doing handyman work in exchange for rent. (There were a few small things that really needed doing, and I maintain a list of improvements, which would be nice, but never seem important enough to either do myself or to fund.) Jim agreed to this as a fair trade. I gave him my prioritized list, and told him to work down it, asking questions as he went.
But then, for two weeks, he barely did anything at all. He put up a towel rack, nailed in a loose board on the deck, watered half the potted plants once (to be fair, I never asked him to water the plants). I had to nag him to put some things on freecycle, to measure the house for insulation and to shop for the best price online. This was not my idea of of how this was supposed to work.
Meanwhile, my husband, who dutifully goes to a job every day, was getting more and more agitated at Jim's lack of progress. He never seemed to be looking for work; he resisted calling the VA, or even a contact of my husband's at the EDD (CA unemployement folks), for help finding work. My stepson, whose job is triaging PC help calls for the Geek Squad, offered to steer IT work Jim's way, if only Jim would sign up as a provider. Jim never bothered to sign up.
On top of this, we went out of town one Saturday night, and Jim had an, um, overnight guest -- who was still there when we arrived home at 3PM -- without asking in advance if this would be okay. This was the last straw.
We knew we had to confront him. My husband spoke for both of us when he said he felt betrayed. [As a friend, who is expert in Transactional Analysis pointed out, a broken agreement is a betrayal.) I was left to give Jim a choice: either figure out how he was going to make up all the time he hadn't worked for us, and give us a schedule, or move out. He chose to move out, saying that were he in our position, he'd never have asked for a trade. To his credit he did move out within 24 hours, whining at the end that he'd just 'find the local homeless shelter'! (Actually, he found someone else who was willing to host him within 24 hours, too.)
Even though both my husband and I know we did the right thing, it was still hard. So here are my take-aways:
- compassion, feeling for someone else, is part of what makes you human (although this turtle might disagree), so you should offer help to those in need
- compassion without boundaries allows people to take advantage of you, so you have to know when to stop offering
- you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped
- some people just feel they are entitled to be supported, and those people will continue to get kicked till they figure out that they have to contribute, as well
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Good Connection Really Does Lead to Mind Meld | Wired Science | Wired.com
Neurolinguistic linking! When someone tells a story, the listener's brain literally synchs up with the storyteller's -- fMRI evidence:
Good Connection Really Does Lead to Mind Meld | Wired Science | Wired.com
Good Connection Really Does Lead to Mind Meld | Wired Science | Wired.com
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