A New Type of Gratitude

This blog is called "Change Your Life in 10 Minutes a Day" -- and I found a new technique, a new practice, that really can do that.

It's a truism in the New Age community that the 'attitude of gratitude' helps power the Law of Attraction, which simply says that what you focus on expands. So if you're focusing on what you are grateful for, then you'll get more of that.

The problem with this is that if you are only focusing on things you are grateful for, you tend to sweep the less positive things under the rug. And what you ignore, endures. That is, by not dealing with it, by leaving it there in your psyche, your energy body, it attracts more of itself to you, too.

A couple of months ago, I happened upon Melody Beattie's "Make Miracles in Forty Days". Beattie is famous for her books about co-dependence, which are very clear. This is completely different. In it, she talks about how, by admitting how bad things are, you can start to turn things around.

Her process is very simple. Each day, you spend 10 minutes writing what you are grateful for. The twist is that you are also grateful for seemingly negative events and circumstances, as well as the emotions around them. For example, here is part of what I was grateful for, as I wrote in the first post in my gratitude journal after learning the process (Jan. 29, 2011):

• I am unable to lose weight
• I’ve mostly given up trying to lose weight, because I exercise and I've tried everything (low cal, low fat, low carb), stuck to it, and nothing's worked.
• I dislike my body at this weight

Now it's been more than 40 days, and I've been losing a pound a week for about 8 weeks. Yes, there is a real world mechanism here, which I'd rather not go into, and it is still a sort of miracle. 

More than that, though, is that there is a sort of peace from admitting this stuff, even if only to myself. I'd say the process works. Try it for yourself and see!

Here's the process:

Take 10 minutes every morning (I set a timer) and write the date and then:

"Today I am grateful that:

[Insert the good and bad here. Beattie used bullet points, and within each one could use multiple sentences.]

"Thank you for all that!"

That's it -- that's the whole process.

Obviously, in her book, Beattie elaborates more than this -- and it's still a very short book. It might take an hour and a half to read. Makes great bathroom reading, too, as it doesn't go overly deep.

 

If you try it please let me know what happens.

You may not know your significan other -- or friend -- as well as you think!

According to this research, we think we know our friends better than we do:

Couples sometimes communicate no better than strangers

Dealing with Betrayal

Last week, I found out that someone I thought was a friend neglected to refer me for a consulting gig with another manager at her workplace. It would have been part time for about 12 weeks, and highly lucrative (probably $20,000 or so). Ramona knew I wanted --- and could have used -- the work, and that I am highly qualified. I might not have gotten the gig, but the fact that she didn't refer me -- and didn't even tell me of the gig's existence so I could apply, despite the fact that I had mentioned looking for exactly this sort of opportunity, really feels like a betrayal. A minor betrayal in the larger scheme of things, perhaps, but a betrayal, nonetheless.

To be fair, I had coached Ramona through difficulties with this particular manager in the past, and she probably just didn't want to deal with the fallout from my interaction with him. Still.... she was acting in her own self-interest in a way that showed in how little regard she holds me.

Everything has its positive aspect, though: it got me to reflect on how to deal with a betrayal. Here are a few tips for how to act in the short run:

• Be gracious - Keep your cool as you find out you have been betrayed -- words once said can't be unsaid, and in this day of electronic replication, may be sent far and wide, without context. You may not understand the whole picture at this point. Take the high road. Nothing good ever came of revenge.
• Admit your feelings - Of course, you're angry. You have every right to be -- you were betrayed. Your trust and/or expectations were violated. Anger is normal in this situation, in fact, anger exists to alert you to violations. Talk to a trusted confidante, or write everything out in a journal. If your journal is in your computer, do NOT put it anywhere it could be accidentally sent out in an email. Don't put it online. Again, in this day of electronic replication, what you write (or worse, damning excerpts) may be sent far and wide, without context.
• Know that karma will take care of it - Know that people do get what they deserve -- even if it isn't in this lifetime. This is the concept of karma, a universal balancing out of energies. YOU  are not in charge of karma; the universe (or God, or Source, or whatever term you prefer) is.
• Pay attention to your ROLE (Return on Life Energy) - Does it serve you best to focus on revenge? Or to focus on your own life? There's an old saying that 'living well is the best revenge', so focus on what YOU are choosing to create in your own life. The betrayer may not be part of what you are choosing to create, or at least not in the ways you expected -- and you should thank that person for showing you that. (Hat tip to Susan Bernstein for the concept of ROLE - to hear our discussion about this, click here and listen to the 3/30 show from about 10 minutes in.)
• Ask yourself what you might have done to contribute to the situation - Did you excuse bad behavior in the past? Or willfully ignore what you already knew at some level? Was this a learning experience your soul wanted you to have? 

Here are some questions to help you decide what to do from here:

• Was this a pattern of behavior or a one time thing? A spouse having a years-long affair is quite different from a 'friend' failing to disclose a job opportunity. If there is a pattern of betrayal, getting away is probably your best course of action. If it's happened only once, though, perhaps the betrayer didn't realize what she was doing, or perhaps he was in a situation where there were no good solutions.
  
• Was this maliciously done to you, or were you simply collateral damage? Did the betrayer do this to hurt you intentionally, perhaps out of jealousy? Or was the betrayer just acting in self-interest, without thinking of you? If it was done maliciously, run in the other direction, as fast as you can. If you were the unintentional victim of self-interest, well, you know where you stand going forward. Act accordingly. 
• Has the person apologized? Accepted responsibility? Offered to make amends? And to avoid this behavior in the future? All of these things are necessary to repair a relationship, and they will mostly likely take time and effort.
• How valuable is this relationship to you? Is this someone who used to hang out with because it was convenient, and that was the extent of the relationship? You can let that one go easily. Or was this someone you trusted with your inner life, a close confidant? Or something in between? Are there parts of your relationship you can save?

 So here's what happened with Ramona: I was gracious -  I listened to her tell me what happened (she was at a point where she knew I'd soon find out, and was mature enough to step up at that point and tell the truth). I kept my cool, saying very little as she told me. I do know that she and her colleague will get everything they deserve, good and bad, and so I am moving on. I spent a few painful hours grokking what had happened -- and then I started to write this. That feels much better than wallowing in self-pity and anger. I did also look at what parts of my Self might have created this situation.

Here's how I assess the situation going forward: What happened was a one time thing, and I was collateral damage to her own career aspirations. I know where I stand, and I'm grateful for that clarity. Ramona neither apologized (or maybe I was too upset to hear it), accepted responsibility, offered to make amends nor to avoid this behavior in the future.

I value her talents and insights, as I still believe she values mine. That is definitely the basis for a limited relationship, one where we give each other professional advice. It is probably not the basis for a true friendship, but who knows? Life paths have many twists and turns, and our paths may grow closer in the future.

How to Talk to Yourself so Your Unconcscious Hears You

Last week on my radio show, "Your Life, Your Relationships", I had a caller who was so frustrated with his body and his situation that he wanted to 'break up with himself'. He had reached a place where he was feeling negative about everything in his life and wanted to be more positive. I suggested a particular language intervention for him.

I think I should pass this on to you, along with a few more ways of helping yourself think positively. It does take work to make a practice of using these positive language interventions -- and it is well worth the effort.

What follows is a list of what to do to change our most common ways of thinking negatively into more useful thoughts.

• Avoid the word "not" - The unconscious mind is very literal -- and it believes everything you tell it. Unfortunately,  it is incapable of hearing the word "not". (Don't believe me? Don't think of a purple walrus. What just happened? If you're normal (and don't know the game), you just thought of a purple walrus. Why? Because you have to make a picture of something in order to eliminate it.) Notice I used the word "avoid", rather than saying "Don't use".

• Eliminate the word "but" - When you use the word, "but", you are implying that what came before it is somehow false, or partly false. For example, when you say to a friend, "I like that dress, but the color isn't great on you" implies that you don't really like the dress, because when your friend asks you if you like it, "do you like it on me?" is implied.

          It's much better to use the word "and" - "I like that dress, 

          and the color isn't great on you" sounds very different, doesn't it? 

          Eliminate the word, "however", as well. As my friend, Janet 

          Crawford, says, '"However" is just "but" dressed up in a tuxedo.'

• Avoid the word, "can't" -  When someone uses the words, "I can't", what (s)he usually mean is "I won't". It's not that she can't come to your dinner party, it's that she isn't willing to do whatever is necessary to come. Occasionally, when someone says he can't, he really is disabled, as is the man in the wheel chair who says, "I can't run".

          If you choose not to do something, take responsibility for
          that, and say, "I have other plans" (even if the plans are to stay
          home and watch TV). This implies that the other plans are more

          important for some reason, and that's okay. It's okay to make
          choices -- that's life.

• Avoid the passive voice - "It can't be done" is just a way of avoiding responsibility; what the speaker probably means is either "I can't do it" or "I won't do it". Plus passive voice is boring and confusing for the listener. If you mean, "I'm not willing to do it" -- tell the truth -- say that.

• Avoid the words, "I'll try" - Right now, put your right foot flat on the floor. Now, try to pick it up. Don't pick it up, just try to. This is what Yoda meant when he said, “Do or do not... there is no try.” 

         Make a commitment. Yes, you might fail -- and you are much
         more likely to succeed than if you just "try".

Podcast of yesterday's (3/23) show is up!

To listen online, click here.

To download by RSS feed, click here, and scroll to the bottom of the page for 'Your Life, Your Relationships". You can get iTunes there, or you can click here to go directly to iTunes.

If you subscribe, you'll get all this great information automatically delivered to you!

My guest,  Andrea Adams-Miller, can be reached at www.sexualitytutor.com .

Those gut feelings? WAAAY more important than you think!

You have to read this (it's short)! Your gut influences not only things like your immune system, but perhaps things like your personality and ability to learn.

WHY Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

My friend, Zoe, is a single mom, divorced for over 5 years now, who works in corporate HR. But for most of that time, she hasn't really been single, she's had a 'boyfriend' (that term seems so inappropriate for people in their 40s). She finally realized last summer that this was not a particularly good relationship for her, and so she ended it.

When I had dinner with her about a month ago, she was telling me all about her new, um, crush. Jeff was a very unconventional sort, living in an intentional community, working as an occasional carpenter. He'd sold a software business a while ago, so it seemed as though he might not even need to work. He rode a motorcycle, which was an aphrodisiac for her. The relationship was still in the stage of 'will we or won't we?', both of them having a great time together, but neither willing to say what exactly was going on.

When Zoe won tickets to a rock concert in a radio station contest, it was the perfect excuse to ask him out on a real date. She had the time of her life!

Last Wednesday, right before my radio show, Zoe texted me, "Jeff just pulled the plug -- pray for me".

The metaphor was very apt. I'm sure Zoe felt like she'd been unplugged from an energy source. Why? Because when we have a relationship with someone, we grow energetic cords between our energy bodies. If you've ever felt drained after being with someone, and didn't know why, here's a possible  explanation. If you've ever felt drained after breaking up with someone, this is an explanation. And there are things you can do to manage your own energy.

You can visualize yourself being protected, or fed energy by loving beings, or even imagine cutting those energetic cords.

There are other explanations, too. Evolution has wired our brains for bonding. According to Rutgers University professor Helen Fisher, being in love lights up the same areas of our brain, parts of the dopamine reward system, that are lit up by various chemical addictions. Remove the beloved and your brain acts like that of an addict deprived of its substance of choice, especially cocaine and nicotine.

As reported in Psychology Today, "UCLA psychologist Naomi Eisenberger, who discovered that social rejection activates the same brain area-the anterior cingulate-that generates an adverse reaction to physical pain. Breakups likely stimulate pain to notify us how important social ties are to human survival and to warn us not to sever them lightly.

"Although Eisenberger didn't study romantic rejection, she expects that it actually feels much worse than the social rejection she did document. "If you're getting pain-related activity from someone you don't care about, it would presumably be a lot more painful from someone you share memories with," she points out.

"The intensity of the pain may be what compels some spurned lovers to stalk their ex-partners; they're willing to do just about anything to make the hurt go away. Fisher believes that activation of addictive centers in response to breakups also fuels stalking behavior, explaining "why the beloved is so difficult to give up."

How to Keep It Together So You Can Help

I don't know about you, but I have been unbelievably sad about the tsunami and subsequent nuclear reactor melt-downs. At the same time, though, I know that my sadness, and even the fear that underlies that (What is going to happen to Mother Earth? Is this planet becoming uninhabitable -- by humans? by anyone?) are not helping anyone or anything. There has to be a better way. There has to be something I can do.

So when I asked my guides for help getting me out of my undeniable funk, here is what they said -- and it applies to all of us:

• You are a soul. This soul is eternal and non-physical.
• You volunteered to be here on Earth in a physical body at this most interesting time.
• You volunteered for a number of reasons. Some of these are personal (working out karma, learning soul lessons, etc.) and some of these have to do with the planet. Although a few souls volunteered solely for the planet, no one came solely for personal reasons. This is not possible, as the destiny of an individual is intimately intertwined with the destiny of the species, and the destiny of a species is intimately intertwined with that of its planet. One of the benefits of these world-scale disasters is to wake up those who have been behaving as if they are here only for themselves.
• It is your job to discern what your role is in relation to the species and the planet. Some people have jobs that have to do with leading people, or raising their spirits, or simply comforting them. Others have jobs that have to do with creating change, or even maintaining the status quo. Others' roles are simply to bear witness, both here and on other planes of existence. Yet others are tasked with speaking the truth here on Earth.(I'm sure there are more roles, but these are what I am reminded of now.)
• When you know what your job is, DO IT!
• Do not despair, simply do your job, with your whole heart and the intention to create a better world. Think how your role might fit into the current situation, and apply yourself to that.
• As you do this, you will feel divine energy flowing through you. Channel this energy where you sense it is most needed at that moment.

(Of course, give money. Of course, protest new nuclear power plants, which we are now reminded are unsafe. A very clear, completely sane Japanese friend, living in Japan, tells me she thinks the Japanese government is not telling the whole truth about what has happened.)

Podcast of today's (3/9) show is up!

To listen online, click here.

To download by RSS feed, click here, and scroll to the bottom of the page for 'Your Life, Your Relationships". You can get iTunes there, or you can click here to go directly to iTunes.

If you subscribe, you'll get all this great information automatically delivered to you!

Links from today's show (3/9/11)

Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (Miki Kashtan)

Conflict Hotline

Info on self-compassion, including a test and exercises:

http://www.self-compassion.org/
 

Quit Being So Nice!

My friend, Stacy, is a well-known marketing maven, having had several books published by major publishers. She called me in a complete panic on Saturday morning. Apparently, she had just had the latest in a series of run-ins with a former collaborator, Stan, and couldn't figure out what to do.

Stacy and Stan had written a couple of books together about a decade ago. He began undercutting her right from the beginning -- they agreed that he'd do the East coast promo, and she'd do the West Coast, but of course, he booked a fair amount of the West Coast promo for himself. They had agreed to do the TV shows together, but he just booked shows, and never told her, so of course, he did them alone. After their first couple of successful books, he got a four book contract for himself, without ever mentioning to her that he was even thinking of more books.

In the last few years, Stan's begun one of those seminar businesses where people pay several hundred dollars to be told that they, too, can have his success, if they just buy more courses from him, and from the other people who are selling from his stage. (Of course, he's paid half of everything everyone sells from the stage.) Stan keeps inviting Stacy to be on his stage, but only as part of a panel, or in a very short time slot -- and tells her she can't sell from the stage in that case.

Last weekend, he invited her to be a part of a panel again. It wasn't worth her time to travel to LA for just that, but she figured that if she taught her usual Marketing 101 course on Thursday and Friday, then she could work the panel in on Saturday, and maybe schmooze a little and pull in a few new clients. It happened that Stan's 'seminar' and Stacy's course were held in the same hotel, a hotel they've both used for years.

When Stan found out that Stacy was teaching (all of 9 students) in the same hotel he was preaching his 'seminar' to several hundred, he hit the roof -- and began screaming at her in front of others. (Did he think he owned the hotel?)

Believe it or not, Stacy was worried about how she could fix this! She was worried that she'd offended a 'heavy hitter' in her industry.

As I pointed out, there was nothing much to lose -- he had never helped her, only himself. While she had picked up some clients from networking at his events, she could definitely live without them. And given his explosive nature (this was not the first time he'd blown up over pretty much nothing), why did she want to deal with him at all? Why expose herself to this horrendous treatment?

Stacy felt that way for a number of very common reasons, listed below. Do some of these apply to you, too?

** As a spiritual person, you feel that you must be accepting - Acceptance does not mean being a door mat for other people's bad behavior. Rather, it means accepting that this person is acting however he (or she) is acting, and that you can't change it.

The only choice you have is how to respond. By allowing someone to treat you badly, you are depriving that person of the lessons he needs to learn to grow. So a good way to operate is to have some boundaries, to have the attitude that the person can act however he chooses, and that you will not be present for it. That is, 'do whatever you want -- anywhere but here."

** You feel that if a relationship isn't working out it's your fault, so it's your responsibility to smooth things over - It takes two people, acting with integrity, respect, honor and mutual appreciation, to have a good working relationship.

Own your own part -- are you acting honorably, respecting the other person? And is the other person honoring and respecting you?

If the answer to this second question is 'no', then it is your responsibility to bring it up with the other person, along with clear consequences for not acting honorably and respectfully towards you. If this is not realistic, that is, if the other person is not likely to listen to your point of view, especially if he is in a position of power over you, then your only responsibility is to take care of yourself and get away from the situation.

** You worry about negative consequences of letting a relationship end, especially on a bad note. -- Yes, there can be negative consequences, sometimes serious ones. Most often, though, these are temporary, because when you remove a less than positive relationship from your life, you make room for better relationships. 

 

More than that, every time you allow yourself to be treated badly, you damage your own self-esteem. How can you think well of yourself if you are clearly allowing others to think less of you? Even more, each hit to your self-esteem makes it even harder to extricate yourself from this relationship and others like it. (How do you think battered spouses get that way? It's not all at once, it's a thousand little cuts, each a tiny bit more serious.)

Stacy heard all of this, and decided that the email she had sent explaining the situation was more than enough. She took a deep breath (or three) and decided to let it go -- and enjoy her newly found free time in LA.

Who can you trust?

True confessions time: even with my healthy skepticism, even with all my intuitive abilities, even with my guides (who are a *lot* of help), sometimes I'm not sure if I can trust someone. It's hardest with people who are completely congruent, that is, they totally believe what they are saying --  they aren't lying, they're just wrong.

I do trades with a few people whose abilities & integrity I trust, some for psychic reading types of things, some for more NLP/hypnosis types of things. Some of these are very regular, some are very occasional; some are formal (I do a session for you, then you do a session for me), others are informal, more like conversations where we both bring all of our selves and all of our guides. Some are planned, others are accidental -- I have clairvoyant friends whom I'll call just to chat as friends do, and occasionally those conversations morph into a joint channeling session.

So last week, when I did a trade session with a friend I'll call Patrick, I had every expectation that things would go well. Our sessions are intended to be joint channeling ones, where each of us brings questions, and all of us answer. Patrick is an engineer by trade, with several patents in his name, trained in several spiritual traditions, so he is a smart, hardworking guy. He has only the best of intentions.

But something was really amiss. Patrick said, before we even started, that if I didn't do something (I don't remember what), he couldn't continue working with me. And he said it in a way that implied I'd be losing out if I didn't continue to work with him. That should have set off alarm bells. 

Given that this was a joint session, why did it feel like he was teaching me? And that he was not open to learning from me, at least not much. I had this 'one down' feeling, like he was somehow better than me.

I know from experience that he tends to be in his ego, that is, on a sort of power trip, and that everything is always 'not working out' for him. He's tried many ways to make extra money to solve a perennial financial problem; all of them seem to end with him fighting with someone, or him being 'taken'. Since I haven't looked at most of these situations, I don't know what really happened, but still, it should be a clue that something's off.

The problem is, he 'sees' some things I 'see' -- so I tend to expect that everything he 'sees', even the stuff I don't 'see' -- is right. That's just not true! No psychic is 100% accurate, no channel is 100% clear. Particularly with channeled information, you always have to filter the information through your own BS detector. (This, by the way, is a standard propaganda tactic -- mix the truth with lies, so it becomes more and more difficult to distinguish which is which.) 

More than that, he used his knowledge of my own greatest desires and greatest fears to get me to do what he said his guides told me to do. I'm not sure any of that 'channeled' instruction was true -- even though I believe he believes it.

So, how do I avoid this in the future? How do you? (And I'm not just talking about spiritual teacher here -- the pointers below are just as valid if you are hiring an accountant or a plumber.)

Here's what to watch out for:

• You feel coerced in some way -- The truth doesn't need coercion to succeed (Qaddafi needs guns to stay in power, the protesters, who have the moral right on their side will eventually win in any case).
• Something rings false - Maybe it feels wrong, or sounds wrong, or doesn't jibe with things of which you are sure. Time to check in with yourself.
• You are discouraged from thinking/evaluating for yourself -- By definition, anyone who says, "Trust me, I'm right" is not to be trusted. Sometimes this is simply the person's ego talking, and sometimes it is an intention to disempower you, or cheat you. (This last comes from a friend with whom I shared my story -- she had a much more toxic experience with a 'teacher'.)
• You feel bad about yourself -- Spiritual teachings for developed souls should not make you feel bad about yourself. That is the province of religious teachings (hellfire & brimstone) designed for less developed souls, who need clear lines drawn between right and wrong.

I'm going to take my own advice, and not work with Patrick unless/until I can find a way to do it safely. 

Updated Prayer for the World

After Libya began to get bloody, my guides would no longer join in with me when I did my daily prayer. (I used to her them chime in.) With their help, I have adjusted the prayer so as to minimize the killing. Here is the new version:

"My the hearts and minds of those in power be turned to the good of the Earth and her children, or may they be removed from temporal power quickly and permanently.


"May the Earth and her children rise up in peace and claim their birthright, their divinity, the ability to co-create peace, justice, abundance and freedom for all (including the deposed).


"My only those who have chosen martyrdom be the ones to die or be maimed."

I have to admit that there is a part of me that liked the old, simpler, somewhat stronger version better, but then again, I don't like to see people die unnecessarily.

If you like the prayer, please use it.

Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married

Great article -- very honest. And it explains in just a few words why women have to get to know a guy before they have sex:

Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married

(Thanks, Kimi, for alerting me to this.)

What do you choose to remember?

I began my daily walks in the late 1990s. Then FaceBook came along, and then I got an iPhone, so now, I can take a photo each day on my walk, and easily post it to FB. (If you'd like to see some, click here.)

Last weekend, my husband and I went to visit friends in Las Vegas -- well, technically N. Las Vegas. N. Las Vegas is a sort of sprawling suburb that was all built in the last building boom (90s? 00's?), the kind where large houses are placed on small lots inside defensive walls (what are they defending against?), with tract names like Hidden Gardens.  If you want to walk very far, you are forced to walk outside the defensive cement block walls on 6 lane boulevards with left turn turn-out lanes. (The photo to the left is what it looked like where I was walking.)

I went on my morning walk each day. You could
see lovely mountains in the distance, but partly because it's the desert and partly because of the walls and boulevards, and partly because the iPhone has no optical zoom, it was difficult to find something I really wanted to share on FB. I did, eventually manage this photo (on the right) by showing a lot of sky. I like it much better -- more peaceful, more beautiful.

And that's when it hit me: We have a choice about what to remember and how to remember it. We can choose to remember the unvarnished truth, up close and personal, or we can choose to remember the best version of an event -- or the worst. Yes, the large stretches of asphalt and the cement block walls are there, along with the power lines and street lights -- and we can choose to focus on the snow-covered mountains instead. (Or as our host said of my photos of The Strip, "You make it look so much better than it actually is.")

When you think back over your life, what are you choosing to remember? Are you choosing to remember every time you messed up, or every time you succeeded -- or both? Are you choosing to remember every time you were slighted, or every compliment paid to you, every kindness done to you? Or both? How do you hold the 'negatives': as a victim, or as things you can learn from? It's all your choice -- and one set of choices will make you happier than another. (BTW, it's possible to shift these memories -- if you'd like help, call me at 888-4-hollis.)

"Your Life, Your Relationships" from 2/16 is up on the web

For iTunes link and RSS feed, click here and scroll to the bottom of the page, then click on the link.

To listen and download directly from www.ProgressiveRadioNetwork.com, click here.

Info from "Your LIfe, Your Relationships" 2/16

Lee  Glickstein has published lots of tools to help you be more authentic and comfortable in front of an audience at www.speakingcricles.com .

You can reach Lee directly by emailing him at

lee@speakingcircles.com

How a Relationship Starts Predicts How It will Continue

Last week, my radio show guest (who helps me fill 20 minutes, so I'm not doing an entire hour all alone) was a no-show. Yeah, I was annoyed, partly at the guest, but partly at myself. I should have known better.

Every time I called the guest, it took 4 or 5 days for him to return my call. I actually gave up on having him on the show. But each time, he apologized for taking so long to get back to me. Anyway, I wanted someone who would cover his subject matter, non-violent communication, so I overlooked this issue.

On Monday, I sent him all the info I send everyone before the show, things like what they need to send me (a bio, e.g.) and when and how to call in. I know he got it, because he answered my questions by email (and I have copies of the emails). I got all that yesterday, and sent him an email reiterating the time and phone number. I don't typically remind people to call -- if they are professional enough to have done things that are worth talking about on my show, they should be professional enough to keep a calendar and use it. This has never been a problem before (and I did a weekly show with interviews for 3 years).

And what do you know? The guy who couldn't return my calls promptly didn't call in for his interview. Maybe there was some mix-up on his end, I don't know. But the relationship started off with him returning calls late -- and ended (at least for now) with him not showing up to an on-air phone appointment.

It reminds me of my first post-college job. I interviewed on campus with Arthur Andersen in November of my senior year at Princeton, and was thrilled when I got an interview at their offices in New York. I expected that at the end of the interview day, either I'd be offered a job, and feel great, or not be offered one and feel terrible.

That's not what happened. I had about 6 interviews -- and really enjoyed them. At the end of the day, they offered me a job. Then they leaned on me so hard to take it right then, which I refused to do, that I felt terrible. Job offer -- feel terrible. What's wrong with this picture?

In the end, I took the job. Big mistake! I was treated horribly for 2 years, as was everyone else with whom I worked.

The lesson: Be very aware of how you are treated at the beginning of the relationship, when the other party wants something from you, like PR or your body. If it's not good at that point, it isn't going to get better, when they have what they want. 

PS - The guest did email me the next morning to apologize. There was no good reason -- he just was working and... forgot! I accepted his apology, and I'm no longer upset, but I'm looking for someone else to talk about Non-Violent Communication on the show.  

Link from today's show (2/9/11)

This is a great book, with different ways brains can malfunction, questionnaires to tell if you are likely to have each of the malfunctions he describes, and simple interventions, like diet changes, for many of them.

Evidence for Homeopathy

The number of dis-eases for which homeopathy has been shown to work (studies published in peer-reviewed journals) is truly surprising, especially for Americans (homeopathy has been much more widely accepted in Europe than in the US).

Another Nobel prize winner, Brian Josephson, PH.D., professor emeritus at Cambridge University, described "how many scientists today suffer from "pathological disbelief;" that is, they maintain an unscientific attitude that is embodied by the statement "even if it were true I wouldn't believe it."

Dana Ullman: Luc Montagnier, Nobel Prize Winner, Takes Homeopathy Seriously

On a side note, it is sad that this groundbreaking research is being done in China, not the US.