- You can never sit still. The ocean is always moving, and because it is so much bigger than you, it will move you, often in unpredictable ways. You may be unaware of your shifting, but it's happening nonetheless. Life is like that, too -- you're immersed in a sea of never-ending physical, cultural, emotional and psychological changes and cross-currents, so your relationship to everything changes, whether you want it to or not. In fact, it changes whether you are aware of it or not.
- You are not in control. If you do nothing, you go where the ocean (the culture) wants you to go. If you swim, you can affect your own trajectory and position, but you are always dealing with the larger force of the ocean -- and it is much more powerful than you are.
- You have to be aware of the larger forces, to maneuver successfully within them. If you don't notice the tide pulling you out to sea, you'll never get back to shore. If you don't notice that people are driving less and wanting more fuel efficient cars, first because of high gasoline prices and then because they realize they've been incredibly wasteful, you'll keep making gas-guzzling cars.
- To keep your bearings, you have to swim toward something. If you keep swimming toward a goal (a landmark on the shore, for example), you'll at least know you're going in the right direction, and you'll be aware of where you are, even if you don't get there. In fact, when you swim in nature, you almost never swim to the thing you are sighting on -- by definition, it has to be big enough to see from water level quite far away, so it's often something tall that you cannot literally swim to, like a lighthouse or mountain peak. You can only swim in its direction; you can never get there, because it isn't at the water's edge. This is why you have to have goals -- you have to work toward something to keep your bearings, even if you never attain your goal.
- Waves arise and break, even on the calmest days. You can enjoy them, or not. You can enjoy that unexpected rise and fall, or you can curse the fact that it put you off course slightly. Your choice, but it's your only choice, because the waves will arise and break either way.
- Perspective is a result of where you stand. 50 yards from shore, you can't even see those rocks that were so difficult to navigate as you picked your way down to the water. Terns get very territorial when you're in their patch of ocean. Try a different perspective -- go somewhere unusual, or try standing on your head!
- People come equipped with different perceptual abilities. The ocean is pretty murky at Linda Mar, even on a calm day, so you can't see down through the water at all. With a mask and snorkel, though, you can easily see what's under the surface. Yes, this particular improvement in perception is artifical, but it's true for all sorts of abilities -- some people hear better than others, some have a more acute sense of smell, some see clairvoyantly better than others, etc.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Zen Boogie, Part 2
Yesterday, thanks to abnormally warm weather and the glories of the wetsuit, I was able to swim in the Pacific Ocean. There are days when the origin of the name, Pacific, becomes obvious, and this was one of them -- the sea was like old glass, barely rippling, at Linda Mar beach. Body surfing was clearly out, so I decided to swim distance, parallel to the shore. And as always, the ocean had a lot to teach:
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
What Are Friends for? Good Health & A Longer Life - NYTimes.com
The most interesting part of this research is that it doesn't matter how far away your friends are, they are still really important.
Well - What Are Friends for? A Longer Life - NYTimes.com
Well - What Are Friends for? A Longer Life - NYTimes.com
The Fundamental Dichotomy of Churches (and Ashrams, etc.)
Churches (here I include ashrams, temples, etc., but for convenience will use the word 'church' to denote all of these) actually have 2 purposes:
The other purpose of the church is to foster community, so we have people with whom to learn, to celebrate, to mourn, to share daily joys and sorrows, to learn, to play, to share food, to raise children.
But for the person who is growing faster spiritually than the community is growing, these two begin to feel like they are antithetical to each other. That is, I want to be part of the community, because of the warm feeling and support I feel as part of it, but it limits my spiritual development, because to stay at one with the community, I have to develop more slowly than I'd really like to develop, or maybe not develop at all. What I choose depends on which is my higher priority -- my development or my participation in the community. So if it's more important to me to grow spiritually, then I'll move on, perhaps to another community, or perhaps to none at all. If it's more important to me to have community, I will either compromise my development, or hide my development.
This dichotomy plays out for the church as a whole, too. Each church member's spiritual development happens at its own pace -- some don't develop at all, others bound ahead, still others grow at a moderate pace in their understanding. So at what rate does the community as a whole develop? Generally not with those who are changing the fastest. Perhaps it develops at the rate of the slowest, or perhaps at the rate of the bulk of the members. Whatever rate it changes at, will not suit everyone.
But community thrives on stability and with numbers -- the more people who are in the community, the more there are for the support of all in good times and bad. The longer they are there, the more trust there is among them, and therefore the group is stronger, too. So it is natural for the community to want to keep people to keep them 'in the fold'. That means keeping them growing (or even not growing) spiritually at the same rate, which will, by definition, be inappropriate for some members. The means people will keep coming and going as they match the spiritual intent/level of the church. But it's bad for community to have constant change in its membership.
- the development of the members' spirituality
- community
The other purpose of the church is to foster community, so we have people with whom to learn, to celebrate, to mourn, to share daily joys and sorrows, to learn, to play, to share food, to raise children.
But for the person who is growing faster spiritually than the community is growing, these two begin to feel like they are antithetical to each other. That is, I want to be part of the community, because of the warm feeling and support I feel as part of it, but it limits my spiritual development, because to stay at one with the community, I have to develop more slowly than I'd really like to develop, or maybe not develop at all. What I choose depends on which is my higher priority -- my development or my participation in the community. So if it's more important to me to grow spiritually, then I'll move on, perhaps to another community, or perhaps to none at all. If it's more important to me to have community, I will either compromise my development, or hide my development.
This dichotomy plays out for the church as a whole, too. Each church member's spiritual development happens at its own pace -- some don't develop at all, others bound ahead, still others grow at a moderate pace in their understanding. So at what rate does the community as a whole develop? Generally not with those who are changing the fastest. Perhaps it develops at the rate of the slowest, or perhaps at the rate of the bulk of the members. Whatever rate it changes at, will not suit everyone.
But community thrives on stability and with numbers -- the more people who are in the community, the more there are for the support of all in good times and bad. The longer they are there, the more trust there is among them, and therefore the group is stronger, too. So it is natural for the community to want to keep people to keep them 'in the fold'. That means keeping them growing (or even not growing) spiritually at the same rate, which will, by definition, be inappropriate for some members. The means people will keep coming and going as they match the spiritual intent/level of the church. But it's bad for community to have constant change in its membership.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Not Enough Bandwidth
I don't know about you, but I feel like I just don't have enough bandwidth!
wordnet.princeton.edu defines "bandwidth" as
'a data transmission rate; the maximum amount of information (bits/second) that can be transmitted along a channel'
What I mean is, there is too much information trying to come in and go out. I am
Perhaps you are in a similar predicament -- you're working, and trying to stay on top of things there, worried about your job or business, and so learning new skills or ways to market your services, not to mention taking care of a home and/or family. Do you feel overwhelmed? Or, like me, do you just have a problem setting priorities? Because priorities are necessary whenever you have limited resources, like bandwidth.
The first thing to remember is how much you are trying to do in how little time. So forgive yourself for not getting it all done right now. Take a deep breath.
Remember, there is a difference between urgency and importance. Urgent things have to be done now or calamity ensues (does it really?). Important things will make a huge difference in the quality of your life down the road. What is really important here? What will make the biggest difference in your life down the road?
When I think about setting my own priorities, they look like this:
Second, in some cases, things are out of your control and you're working with probabilities. The commission on the short sale is not insignificant -- but it's very iffy. The buyer and the seller have agreed on the price, and both of the shorted lenders have signed off. (This took a full 30 days.) But the buyer has to approve the inspections of the property, which are scheduled a mere 4 days before the lenders' approvals expire, and close within those 4 days, 2 of which are Saturday and Sunday -- or we begin all over again with the lenders, and this time, they could reject the agreement. So how much sense does it make to put a lot of time into this?
The standard business school way of evaluating an iffy proposition is to multiply the expected return from a positive outcome by the percentage chance that that outcome will happen, and use that to compare outcomes. What's the percentage chance of success? This is where intuition comes in -- you make an informed guess. (Or you can call me to 'look' at it with you.)
wordnet.princeton.edu defines "bandwidth" as
'a data transmission rate; the maximum amount of information (bits/second) that can be transmitted along a channel'
What I mean is, there is too much information trying to come in and go out. I am
- checking out a new market for my psychic/coaching services
- learning several new types of software,necessary to my work
- channeling every morning with a friend, and
- representing the seller as a real estate broker on a short sale.
Perhaps you are in a similar predicament -- you're working, and trying to stay on top of things there, worried about your job or business, and so learning new skills or ways to market your services, not to mention taking care of a home and/or family. Do you feel overwhelmed? Or, like me, do you just have a problem setting priorities? Because priorities are necessary whenever you have limited resources, like bandwidth.
The first thing to remember is how much you are trying to do in how little time. So forgive yourself for not getting it all done right now. Take a deep breath.
Remember, there is a difference between urgency and importance. Urgent things have to be done now or calamity ensues (does it really?). Important things will make a huge difference in the quality of your life down the road. What is really important here? What will make the biggest difference in your life down the road?
When I think about setting my own priorities, they look like this:
- Things that will keep me healthy (e.g. sleep, exercise, good food, maintaining good relationships), because without good health, I can't do anything else
- Things that will bring in money today, including keeping my on-going commitments (scheduled clients and classes)
- Things that are are most likely to most positively affect the bottom line in the future
- Everything else (like bookkeeping)
Second, in some cases, things are out of your control and you're working with probabilities. The commission on the short sale is not insignificant -- but it's very iffy. The buyer and the seller have agreed on the price, and both of the shorted lenders have signed off. (This took a full 30 days.) But the buyer has to approve the inspections of the property, which are scheduled a mere 4 days before the lenders' approvals expire, and close within those 4 days, 2 of which are Saturday and Sunday -- or we begin all over again with the lenders, and this time, they could reject the agreement. So how much sense does it make to put a lot of time into this?
The standard business school way of evaluating an iffy proposition is to multiply the expected return from a positive outcome by the percentage chance that that outcome will happen, and use that to compare outcomes. What's the percentage chance of success? This is where intuition comes in -- you make an informed guess. (Or you can call me to 'look' at it with you.)
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Monday, April 06, 2009
Mind over matter -- for pain, too!
Throw out those painkillers: the secret to solving physical aches may lie in using a pair of binoculars the wrong way round, claims research performed at Oxford University.
The study, published in Current Biology, reveals how powerfully pain and even swelling can be a product of our mental attitude.
Researchers asked ten people who suffered chronic pain in one arm to move the limb around while looking at it through a pair of binoculars that were either the right or wrong way round;
When they saw their arm magnified to double its size, the patients reported that their levels of pain increased, but when they exercised the arm while watching a minimised image of it through
inverted binoculars, their pain levels were cut significantly.
But it was not only their perceived pain levels that changed, says the lead researcher, G. Lorimer Moseley. Their levels of physical swelling in the affected areas were also reduced through using the backwards binocular trick.
Moseley says he is not sure how this phenomenon works in terms of specific neurons firing, but he believes that The brain changes its protective responses according to its perception of danger levels. if it looks bigger, it looks sorer, therefore the brain acts to protect it,” he explains.
In effect, the binocular trick offers a much simpler and cheaper version of a pain-lowering brain-scan.
Moseley hopes that the optical-trick discovery will lead to a practical method for lowering pain and trauma levels in hospitals.
[This was sent to me by a fellow hypnotherapist, hat tip, Seth-Deborah. Link here.
The study, published in Current Biology, reveals how powerfully pain and even swelling can be a product of our mental attitude.
Researchers asked ten people who suffered chronic pain in one arm to move the limb around while looking at it through a pair of binoculars that were either the right or wrong way round;
When they saw their arm magnified to double its size, the patients reported that their levels of pain increased, but when they exercised the arm while watching a minimised image of it through
inverted binoculars, their pain levels were cut significantly.
But it was not only their perceived pain levels that changed, says the lead researcher, G. Lorimer Moseley. Their levels of physical swelling in the affected areas were also reduced through using the backwards binocular trick.
Moseley says he is not sure how this phenomenon works in terms of specific neurons firing, but he believes that The brain changes its protective responses according to its perception of danger levels. if it looks bigger, it looks sorer, therefore the brain acts to protect it,” he explains.
In effect, the binocular trick offers a much simpler and cheaper version of a pain-lowering brain-scan.
Moseley hopes that the optical-trick discovery will lead to a practical method for lowering pain and trauma levels in hospitals.
[This was sent to me by a fellow hypnotherapist, hat tip, Seth-Deborah. Link here.
Mind over matter -- for pain, too!
Throw out those painkillers: the secret to solving physical aches may lie in using a pair of binoculars the wrong way round, claims research performed at Oxford University.
The study, published in Current Biology, reveals how powerfully pain and even swelling can be a product of our mental attitude.
Researchers asked ten people who suffered chronic pain in one arm to move the limb around while looking at it through a pair of binoculars that were either the right or wrong way round;
When they saw their arm magnified to double its size, the patients reported that their levels of pain increased, but when they exercised the arm while watching a minimised image of it through
inverted binoculars, their pain levels were cut significantly.
But it was not only their perceived pain levels that changed, says the lead researcher, G. Lorimer Moseley. Their levels of physical swelling in the affected areas were also reduced through using the backwards binocular trick.
Moseley says he is not sure how this phenomenon works in terms of specific neurons firing, but he believes that The brain changes its protective responses according to its perception of danger levels. if it looks bigger, it looks sorer, therefore the brain acts to protect it,” he explains.
In effect, the binocular trick offers a much simpler and cheaper version of a pain-lowering brain-scan.
Moseley hopes that the optical-trick discovery will lead to a practical method for lowering pain and trauma levels in hospitals.
[This was sent to me by a fellow hypnotherapist, hat tip, Seth-Deborah -- but did not include a link. Sorry.]
The study, published in Current Biology, reveals how powerfully pain and even swelling can be a product of our mental attitude.
Researchers asked ten people who suffered chronic pain in one arm to move the limb around while looking at it through a pair of binoculars that were either the right or wrong way round;
When they saw their arm magnified to double its size, the patients reported that their levels of pain increased, but when they exercised the arm while watching a minimised image of it through
inverted binoculars, their pain levels were cut significantly.
But it was not only their perceived pain levels that changed, says the lead researcher, G. Lorimer Moseley. Their levels of physical swelling in the affected areas were also reduced through using the backwards binocular trick.
Moseley says he is not sure how this phenomenon works in terms of specific neurons firing, but he believes that The brain changes its protective responses according to its perception of danger levels. if it looks bigger, it looks sorer, therefore the brain acts to protect it,” he explains.
In effect, the binocular trick offers a much simpler and cheaper version of a pain-lowering brain-scan.
Moseley hopes that the optical-trick discovery will lead to a practical method for lowering pain and trauma levels in hospitals.
[This was sent to me by a fellow hypnotherapist, hat tip, Seth-Deborah -- but did not include a link. Sorry.]
Monday, March 30, 2009
Holy anomaly, Batman! Someone left me a message
Since I've been under the weather for the last few days, I have my laptop set up on a bed tray, and have been reading and googling and writing from bed. It's great -- I recommend it highly.
Last night, when I went to sleep, I put the bed tray down on the floor with the laptop on it, still on, still open, and with Photoshop in operation, as I'd begun to work on a photo of ocotillo I took in the desert a couple of weeks ago, absracting the ocotillo from the background to use in my art. The tool I was using was the magic wand tool, which selects areas based on (I think) color intensity.
When I woke up this morning, Photoshop had been switched to the type tool, the areas I'd selected were no longer selected and this was written across the center of the photo:
Last night, when I went to sleep, I put the bed tray down on the floor with the laptop on it, still on, still open, and with Photoshop in operation, as I'd begun to work on a photo of ocotillo I took in the desert a couple of weeks ago, absracting the ocotillo from the background to use in my art. The tool I was using was the magic wand tool, which selects areas based on (I think) color intensity.
When I woke up this morning, Photoshop had been switched to the type tool, the areas I'd selected were no longer selected and this was written across the center of the photo:
ARTZ
Caps lock was NOT on! My husband swears he never touched my computer, and I believe him, because we never touch each other's computers without prior permission. My step son never comes in the bedroom when we're asleep, so it wasn't him. I can't imagine that my cat could have done only this exact sort of typing -- occasionally a cat will step on the computer, but cats kind of make a mess, long strings of one letter, that sort of thing. I don't sleepwalk or anything; I know it wasn't me.
So who was it?
So who was it?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Real 'Being Erica'
'Being Erica' is a Canadian soap opera which airs in the US on the cable TV channel, SoapNet. Erica describes herself as a cute 32 year old, with a good education, a dead-end job and no real love life to speak of. In the pilot, she wanders into a therapist's office, and the therapist sends her back in time for a 'do over' of an incident that affected her ability to, say, stand up for herself, which set up her current situation.
It's done really well, with great spinning special effects which move her from today to 'then', in the body she had at the time. That lets her take today's wisdom back to that time, and do it over, in a way that will have a more positive outcome.
The thing is -- you really can do that! Just without the special effects. I've been guiding clients through 'do overs' for over 15 years now, with some astounding results. Things seem to change effortlessly for my clients after that -- all of a sudden, she is, say, standing up for herself, or choosing better guys to date, or he's dealing with his father more effectively. And it usually takes under an hour.
So if you have a problem of long standing, something that you just can't seem to shift, call me at 888-4-hollis (888-446-5547), and we'll do a 'do over'!
It's done really well, with great spinning special effects which move her from today to 'then', in the body she had at the time. That lets her take today's wisdom back to that time, and do it over, in a way that will have a more positive outcome.
The thing is -- you really can do that! Just without the special effects. I've been guiding clients through 'do overs' for over 15 years now, with some astounding results. Things seem to change effortlessly for my clients after that -- all of a sudden, she is, say, standing up for herself, or choosing better guys to date, or he's dealing with his father more effectively. And it usually takes under an hour.
So if you have a problem of long standing, something that you just can't seem to shift, call me at 888-4-hollis (888-446-5547), and we'll do a 'do over'!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
A Simple Way to Cultivate Non-attachment
I hadn't heard from Sally, a long-time friend, in quite a while, either by phone or email. I got a little worried, as this really isn't like her. I called a few weeks ago, left messages on both her home and cell phones, and she didn't return the call. So I called again yesterday, and she picked up the phone! Hooray!
Now, Sally is unbelievably capable. At one point, she was raising a son as a single mom, running an apartment complex -- and finishing her undergraduate degree at Harvard. She has always managed to provide for herself and her (now grown) son -- often quite well. But she bought too much investment real estate too late in the bubble, and is now underwater on all of it -- not to mention its negative cash flow. Luckily she's still employed, still likes her job. And she's writing a book to help others cope with the chronic illness her son has.
She said she's been hiding out. That she really doesn't want to see me, or anyone for that matter. That sometimes, during the week, she'll make plans with someone for Saturday or Sunday, and then not be up to following through when it gets around to the weekend. She said something that struck me, though -- that she's had to let go of her identity as a successful business woman.
I'm not sure I agree with her. She still had all the successes she had -- she just made a bad judgment or three.
In any case, as people lose jobs, or homes, or investments, they are letting go of their identities as successful workers, or homeowners or prosperous investors. Perhaps letting go of the identity is more painful than the actual loss -- after all, as Sally says, you wouldn't know anything was different by how I live -- nothing's really changed.
I ruminated on her comments all day yesterday, and woke up in the middle of the night with this exercise:
1) Get a lined 8.5x11" pad.
2) In a column down the left side, write a series of "I am" statements, filling the page. Here are a few examples:
3) Next to each one, write a '/' an then the corresponding "I am not" statements, like this:
The effect should be a real neutrality, or non-attachment.
Now, Sally is unbelievably capable. At one point, she was raising a son as a single mom, running an apartment complex -- and finishing her undergraduate degree at Harvard. She has always managed to provide for herself and her (now grown) son -- often quite well. But she bought too much investment real estate too late in the bubble, and is now underwater on all of it -- not to mention its negative cash flow. Luckily she's still employed, still likes her job. And she's writing a book to help others cope with the chronic illness her son has.
She said she's been hiding out. That she really doesn't want to see me, or anyone for that matter. That sometimes, during the week, she'll make plans with someone for Saturday or Sunday, and then not be up to following through when it gets around to the weekend. She said something that struck me, though -- that she's had to let go of her identity as a successful business woman.
I'm not sure I agree with her. She still had all the successes she had -- she just made a bad judgment or three.
In any case, as people lose jobs, or homes, or investments, they are letting go of their identities as successful workers, or homeowners or prosperous investors. Perhaps letting go of the identity is more painful than the actual loss -- after all, as Sally says, you wouldn't know anything was different by how I live -- nothing's really changed.
I ruminated on her comments all day yesterday, and woke up in the middle of the night with this exercise:
1) Get a lined 8.5x11" pad.
2) In a column down the left side, write a series of "I am" statements, filling the page. Here are a few examples:
- I am a human being.
- I am a woman.
- I am a homeowner.
- I am a teacher.
- I am afraid.
3) Next to each one, write a '/' an then the corresponding "I am not" statements, like this:
- I am a human being./ I am not a human being
- I am a woman./ I am not a woman.
- I am a homeowner./ I am not a homeowner.
- I am a teacher./ I am not a teacher./
- I am afraid./ I am not afraid.
- I am a human being -- but I am a spirit in a human body.
- I am a woman, but as a spirit, I may or may not be female.
- I am a homeowner -- but does my home more own me?
- I am a teacher, but I do other things, as well.
- I am afraid -- some of the time, but much of the time I am not afraid.
The effect should be a real neutrality, or non-attachment.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Think for Yourself!
Like I say to my clients, you have to evaluate everything for yourself. And you can't even trust the experts -- at least not the well-known ones:
Op-Ed Columnist - Learning How to Think - NYTimes.com
The problem is that most of our education doesn't teach us how to think. I suspect we are better off then, with discussion groups of well-informed peers than reading the 'experts'. But how do we create those groups?
Op-Ed Columnist - Learning How to Think - NYTimes.com
The problem is that most of our education doesn't teach us how to think. I suspect we are better off then, with discussion groups of well-informed peers than reading the 'experts'. But how do we create those groups?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Meaningful Work
In his book, "Outliers, The Story of Success", Malcolm Gladwell defines meaningful work as work that has
Webster's New World Dictionary defines 'autonomy' as being self-governing or functioning independently of other parts. Obviously, the level of autonomy varies from the relatively low level of the assembly line worker to the relatively high ones of the solopreneur or research scientist. Those with the lowest level of autonomy, that is, the lowest amount of control over their work, tend to have adverse health outcomes because of it. I suspect that above some minimum level, however, different people prefer different levels of autonomy.
The connection between effort and reward is a bit murkier, however. What sorts of rewards? Monetary? Benefits? Appreciation? Status? And what happens when the relationship between effort and reward changes for the worse, i.e. more work, less reward? I know I've had several small business owners remark to me that "I'm working harder for less" in the last few months -- and it's true for me, as well.
So what do you do if that connection between effort and reward isn't what it used to be? Here are a few ideas about where to look for that improved connection between work and reward (in no particular order):
- complexity
- autonomy
- a connection between effort and reward
Webster's New World Dictionary defines 'autonomy' as being self-governing or functioning independently of other parts. Obviously, the level of autonomy varies from the relatively low level of the assembly line worker to the relatively high ones of the solopreneur or research scientist. Those with the lowest level of autonomy, that is, the lowest amount of control over their work, tend to have adverse health outcomes because of it. I suspect that above some minimum level, however, different people prefer different levels of autonomy.
The connection between effort and reward is a bit murkier, however. What sorts of rewards? Monetary? Benefits? Appreciation? Status? And what happens when the relationship between effort and reward changes for the worse, i.e. more work, less reward? I know I've had several small business owners remark to me that "I'm working harder for less" in the last few months -- and it's true for me, as well.
So what do you do if that connection between effort and reward isn't what it used to be? Here are a few ideas about where to look for that improved connection between work and reward (in no particular order):
- Realize that things have shifted -- permanently. You can call it the economy, but it's really larger than that. The industrial model (more or bigger is always better, regimentation) has broken down. The earth can't support it, for one thing. Factory farming (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) is poisoning the earth, from toxic fertilizers to seeds that are controlled by one company to poisonous vats of excrement. Fossil fuel, which is what allowed our industrial culture to flourish, is causing global warming -- and is running out. (That may be a good thing, in the long run, but it's destabilizing in the short run.) Treating people like numbers for health care doesn't work, either. We are moving to appreciating each person's unique make up.
- Looking backwards isn't likely to help. The earth supported many fewer people before the industrial revolution than it does now. The speed of the internet, and the connections it makes, are genuinely new, and not likely to go away.
- The speed of processing has outstripped human rational thinking. We all need to process faster -- and the fastest human processing is intuition. So begin working with yours so that you learn to trust it. (And call me if you'd like some help there -- either in private sessions or in classes.)
- People do still have needs -- food, clothing, shelter, health, safety, connection/belonging, and self-actualization -- but you may want to consider how your talents, skills and resources can be useful lower down on Maslow's hierarchy. Anything that helps with health (human or the earth's) or efficiency, i.e. doing more with less, is probably a good idea.
- At some level, you agreed to be here, on Earth, at this interesting/critical time. So part of you knows that, and knows what you came here to do -- and it may well not be what you think. Listen to your own heart -- it knows.
- Count your blessings regularly. That will both point you in the right direction and keep your spirits up.
- Group effort and sharing are key to this. There's an old problem, referred to as the commons problem. If a community has a finite amount of grazing area available to it, what's best for an individual herd owner is to have as many cows as possible. But if everyone does this, there are too many cows, they're all sickly, the land gets overgrazed and in the long run, won't support very many cows at all. What's best for the community is for them to agree on the number of cows that's best for the community and how they're going to apportion that number. (Apparently, they actually did this with the fish in the waters off Iceland -- mentioned incidentally in Michael Lewis' wonderful article about Iceland's financial meltdown.)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Like I said, the electronic mob has pitchforks & torches
Again. forget privacy -
Scorn Trails A.I.G. Executives, Even in Their Driveways - NYTimes.com
Please note that I am not condoning anything anyone at AIG did, and I am just as outraged as everyone else at the bonuses that my tax dollars are paying. I just think that death threats and affecting the kids, who did nothing, are a little much.
Scorn Trails A.I.G. Executives, Even in Their Driveways - NYTimes.com
Please note that I am not condoning anything anyone at AIG did, and I am just as outraged as everyone else at the bonuses that my tax dollars are paying. I just think that death threats and affecting the kids, who did nothing, are a little much.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Manifestation
A couple of nights ago, I was at a friend's home, a loft in downtown SF, with a few others, chatting about our businesses. I forget how it came up, but I told my friends some of the amazing things that have happened as a result of the mantra I sing internally (for other examples, click here, here and here). So I volunteered to do it briefly for them.
So we sat in a circle and meditated, with me thinking the sounds of the mantra. After a while, I just felt like it was enough, so I stopped. We all opened our eyes, and the homeowner said, "Do you hear that?" Everyone else said yes immediately. It took me a moment to pay attention to the sounds around me, which I hadn't been doing, because I'd been listening to the sounds in my mind. Wow! There were voices toning -- it was beautiful, kind of like harmonious chanting. It lasted for 5 - 10 seconds and faded out. But then the toning started again a few minutes later. This went on, alternating toning and silence, for probably 45 minutes!
The homeowner said there was no way it could be her neighbors, that in 8 years of living there, she'd never heard a sound from any of them, so that wasn't it. One woman went up and down the hallway, trying to find the source, but she couldn't find anything, either.
So now I know that whatever I'm bringing through can not only heal people physically, but also manifest sound. I wonder what's next?
So we sat in a circle and meditated, with me thinking the sounds of the mantra. After a while, I just felt like it was enough, so I stopped. We all opened our eyes, and the homeowner said, "Do you hear that?" Everyone else said yes immediately. It took me a moment to pay attention to the sounds around me, which I hadn't been doing, because I'd been listening to the sounds in my mind. Wow! There were voices toning -- it was beautiful, kind of like harmonious chanting. It lasted for 5 - 10 seconds and faded out. But then the toning started again a few minutes later. This went on, alternating toning and silence, for probably 45 minutes!
The homeowner said there was no way it could be her neighbors, that in 8 years of living there, she'd never heard a sound from any of them, so that wasn't it. One woman went up and down the hallway, trying to find the source, but she couldn't find anything, either.
So now I know that whatever I'm bringing through can not only heal people physically, but also manifest sound. I wonder what's next?
Balance
Here in California, the vernal equinox happens tomorrow afternoon. At an equinox, the sun is directly over the equator, so its path bisects the earth, and day and night are balanced, that is, of equal length.
This got me to thinking about balance in general, and about ways to pay attention to balance, both in our bodies and in our lives. Here's a great exercise -- stand up and do it right now! It will only take a few seconds, does not involve heavy breathing, and no one will even notice you're doing it.
Stand on both feet. Notice where your weight is --
Here's another great way to find balance. Spend some time thinking about how you'd like to spend your time. How many hours a day would you like to spend working (or in different work activities)? exercising? with family and/or friends? eating, sleeping, relaxing, practicing your hobby? Call this your ideal time balance. It is unique to you, and may not fit anyone else's idea of balance.
Now get a tiny notebook, approximately 2.5"x4", small enough that you can put it in your pocket or your purse (they're in every drugstore and quite cheap). Every time you begin a new activity, write down the time and the activity. Do this every day for a week.
Now compare the two, how you'd like to spend your time, with how you are actually spending your time. Do they match? What can you change, either right away or over time, so that what you actually do matches more closely what you'd like to do?
This got me to thinking about balance in general, and about ways to pay attention to balance, both in our bodies and in our lives. Here's a great exercise -- stand up and do it right now! It will only take a few seconds, does not involve heavy breathing, and no one will even notice you're doing it.
Stand on both feet. Notice where your weight is --
- Is it equally on both feet?
- It is balanced front to back?
- Shift until you are balanced and notice how that feels.
- Focus very intensely on something in front of you, and notice if your balance shifts. If it does, notice how and shift back.
- Think of something you're doing later today, and notice if your balance shifts. If it does, notice how and shift back.
- Think of something you did yesterday, and notice if your balance shifts. If it does, notice how and shift back.
- Think of something that makes you happy, and notice if your balance shifts. If it does, notice how and shift back.
- Think of something that makes you angry, and notice if your balance shifts. If it does, notice how and shift back.
Here's another great way to find balance. Spend some time thinking about how you'd like to spend your time. How many hours a day would you like to spend working (or in different work activities)? exercising? with family and/or friends? eating, sleeping, relaxing, practicing your hobby? Call this your ideal time balance. It is unique to you, and may not fit anyone else's idea of balance.
Now get a tiny notebook, approximately 2.5"x4", small enough that you can put it in your pocket or your purse (they're in every drugstore and quite cheap). Every time you begin a new activity, write down the time and the activity. Do this every day for a week.
Now compare the two, how you'd like to spend your time, with how you are actually spending your time. Do they match? What can you change, either right away or over time, so that what you actually do matches more closely what you'd like to do?
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Morning Ramble
(I understand that in the UK, hiking is called 'rambling', and so this is a (bad?) pun.)
I did my normal morning walk today, doing 2 of my favorite meditation techniques simultaneously -- looking at the spaces between the tree branches and the silent mantra. Something kind of amazing happened.
First, because of looking at the spaces, I began to notice the air as it's own thing -- it had its own presence. You know that joke about one fish saying to another, "What's this water I hear so much about?" We humans are like that about air. We walk in an unnoticed sea of air. Not me, at least not this morning.
Second, the mantra developed into a field I could feel swirling around me, kind of like a gentle tornado. I'm used to that. But what happened today is that I could feel the interaction of that swirl with the energy fields of the trees as I walked by them. So I noticed that the energy fields of the trees, and eventually the bushes, even the cars and light poles, were interpenetrating my energy field. (Cars and light poles, not being alive, seem to have much smaller, much denser fields than those of living beings.)
Is this the beginning of quantum perception in the physical world, of us all as a giant soup?
I did my normal morning walk today, doing 2 of my favorite meditation techniques simultaneously -- looking at the spaces between the tree branches and the silent mantra. Something kind of amazing happened.
First, because of looking at the spaces, I began to notice the air as it's own thing -- it had its own presence. You know that joke about one fish saying to another, "What's this water I hear so much about?" We humans are like that about air. We walk in an unnoticed sea of air. Not me, at least not this morning.
Second, the mantra developed into a field I could feel swirling around me, kind of like a gentle tornado. I'm used to that. But what happened today is that I could feel the interaction of that swirl with the energy fields of the trees as I walked by them. So I noticed that the energy fields of the trees, and eventually the bushes, even the cars and light poles, were interpenetrating my energy field. (Cars and light poles, not being alive, seem to have much smaller, much denser fields than those of living beings.)
Is this the beginning of quantum perception in the physical world, of us all as a giant soup?
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Mind over matter -- something YOU can do!
Psychokinesis (PK for short) is considered one of the more 'woo-woo" psychic phenomena. But I don't think it's woo-woo at all; it's just another one of those phenomena no one likest to talk about.
Engineers at the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research (PEAR) lab did try to change that, doing experiments that proved, in the course of almost 30 years that PK, in the form of mind-machine interactions is, in fact, real. They had some really interesting apparatus, where the operator thought about something, like how high a column of water should be, or whether the balls in a sort of giant pachinko machine on a wall should distribute themselves to the left or right, rather than falling in the standard bell curve. Then they measured hundreds of thousands of trials to see what happened.
They found out some very interesting things in those years (and I'm doing this from memory, so I may be a bit off):
On Sunday, a new friend of my husband's (I'll call him Dennis) came over and showed us the ridiculously simple device he's been practicing with, on and off, for the last 20 years. Here it is:
It's just a straightened out safety pin poked through a piece of plastic (a blister pack is really good for this) with the tiniest Post-It note (minus the sticky part), folded at 90 degrees and balanced on top.
You can try affecting it in a bunch of different ways. Dennis holds his right forefinger against his right thumb and his left forefinger against his left thumb, and imagines lines from those to the 'points' at each end of the paper, and uses those to either hold the paper in place, or to move it. I do it with the palms of my hands, just sending energy to the ends of the paper. My husband just thinks about the thing moving, and sometimes it does (but he's a natural at this). No, there was no wind, or other air movement. Besides, you can pretty quickly spot movement that comes from air movement, because it's chaotic, as opposed to the smooth PK movement.
Try it -- and let me know what happens!
Engineers at the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research (PEAR) lab did try to change that, doing experiments that proved, in the course of almost 30 years that PK, in the form of mind-machine interactions is, in fact, real. They had some really interesting apparatus, where the operator thought about something, like how high a column of water should be, or whether the balls in a sort of giant pachinko machine on a wall should distribute themselves to the left or right, rather than falling in the standard bell curve. Then they measured hundreds of thousands of trials to see what happened.
They found out some very interesting things in those years (and I'm doing this from memory, so I may be a bit off):
- PK exists at the margins, that is, the mental influence will not change the direction of a space ship by 180 degrees, or even 90, or even 45 -- but it can shift the direction by, say, 1 degree, which, over the long distances in space could result in missing a target by millions of miles
- an individual can have either a positive or a negative signature (for example, an individual with a positive signature would desire the apparatus to move left, and it would move left while someone with a negative signature would have the exact opposite result)
- although some individuals are more effective than others, on average, individual women are as effective as individual men
- 2 women working together are about as effective as 1 woman; 2 men working together are about as effective as 1 man
- a man and a woman working together are 4 times as effective as either a woman or a man alone
- a man and a woman who are lovers are 7 times as effective as either a woman or a man alone
On Sunday, a new friend of my husband's (I'll call him Dennis) came over and showed us the ridiculously simple device he's been practicing with, on and off, for the last 20 years. Here it is:
It's just a straightened out safety pin poked through a piece of plastic (a blister pack is really good for this) with the tiniest Post-It note (minus the sticky part), folded at 90 degrees and balanced on top.
You can try affecting it in a bunch of different ways. Dennis holds his right forefinger against his right thumb and his left forefinger against his left thumb, and imagines lines from those to the 'points' at each end of the paper, and uses those to either hold the paper in place, or to move it. I do it with the palms of my hands, just sending energy to the ends of the paper. My husband just thinks about the thing moving, and sometimes it does (but he's a natural at this). No, there was no wind, or other air movement. Besides, you can pretty quickly spot movement that comes from air movement, because it's chaotic, as opposed to the smooth PK movement.
Try it -- and let me know what happens!
Monday, March 02, 2009
Mom Was Right -- If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say About Someone, Don't Say Anything At All: The Boomerang Effect Of Gossip Is Discovered
Mom Was Right -- If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say About Someone, Don't Say Anything At All: The Boomerang Effect Of Gossip Is Discovered
WASHINGTON -- It appears to go against common sense -- not to mention classic psychological theory -- but researchers writing in the April edition of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology say they have identified a common, but apparently mindless, psychological phenomenon that plays a previously unrecognized role in the way people form impressions of other people. Specifically, they've found that when someone attributes positive or negative traits to someone else, the listener will often attribute those same traits to the speaker. "In other words," the authors write, "politicians who allege corruption by their opponents may themselves be perceived as dishonest, critics who praise artists may themselves be perceived as talented, and gossips who describe others' infidelities may themselves be viewed as immoral."
In a recent communication, the authors suggest that this phenomenon could play a role in the public's reaction reaction to participants in the recent White House scandal. "For example," they note, "when Kenneth Starr accuses Bill Clinton of perjury, Starr himself may be seen as more deceitful. Similarly, when Linda Tripp claims that Monica Lewinsky had sex with the President, Tripp herself may be seen as more promiscuous. The gist of our research is that when you gossip, you become associated with the characteristics you describe, ultimately leading those characteristics to be 'transferred' to you."
The researchers conducted a series of four studies on the phenomenon they call spontaneous trait transference. Three of the four studies involved participants looking at photographs accompanied by brief statements. In the first study, the statements were ostensibly about someone the person in the photograph knew. In the second, the statements were either about the person in the photograph or about someone else. In the third study, participants were clearly told that the photographs and the statements had nothing to do with each other; they had been paired at random. In the final study, participants watched videotapes of actors answering off-screen questions about themselves or about someone they knew.
Some of the statements accompanying the photographs (or made on the videotape) were designed to elicit a positive or negative trait. For example "cruel" was implied by the statement "He hates animals. Today he was walking to the store and he saw this puppy. So he kicked it out of his way." But consistently through the studies, participants attributed the elicited trait to the speakers, even though these speakers described someone other than themselves. This occurred even when participants were specifically told that there was no connection between the speakers and the statements, suggesting, the authors say, that this phenomenon is irrational and largely outside of conscious awareness.
* * *
Article: "Spontaneous Trait Transference: Communicators Take on the Qualities They Describe in Others" by John J. Skowronski, Ph.D., The Ohio State University at Newark; Donal E. Carlston, Ph.D., and Lynda Mae, M.A., Purdue University and Matthew T. Crawford, Indiana University Bloomington in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 74, No. 4.
(Hat tip, Carolyn)
WASHINGTON -- It appears to go against common sense -- not to mention classic psychological theory -- but researchers writing in the April edition of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology say they have identified a common, but apparently mindless, psychological phenomenon that plays a previously unrecognized role in the way people form impressions of other people. Specifically, they've found that when someone attributes positive or negative traits to someone else, the listener will often attribute those same traits to the speaker. "In other words," the authors write, "politicians who allege corruption by their opponents may themselves be perceived as dishonest, critics who praise artists may themselves be perceived as talented, and gossips who describe others' infidelities may themselves be viewed as immoral."
In a recent communication, the authors suggest that this phenomenon could play a role in the public's reaction reaction to participants in the recent White House scandal. "For example," they note, "when Kenneth Starr accuses Bill Clinton of perjury, Starr himself may be seen as more deceitful. Similarly, when Linda Tripp claims that Monica Lewinsky had sex with the President, Tripp herself may be seen as more promiscuous. The gist of our research is that when you gossip, you become associated with the characteristics you describe, ultimately leading those characteristics to be 'transferred' to you."
The researchers conducted a series of four studies on the phenomenon they call spontaneous trait transference. Three of the four studies involved participants looking at photographs accompanied by brief statements. In the first study, the statements were ostensibly about someone the person in the photograph knew. In the second, the statements were either about the person in the photograph or about someone else. In the third study, participants were clearly told that the photographs and the statements had nothing to do with each other; they had been paired at random. In the final study, participants watched videotapes of actors answering off-screen questions about themselves or about someone they knew.
Some of the statements accompanying the photographs (or made on the videotape) were designed to elicit a positive or negative trait. For example "cruel" was implied by the statement "He hates animals. Today he was walking to the store and he saw this puppy. So he kicked it out of his way." But consistently through the studies, participants attributed the elicited trait to the speakers, even though these speakers described someone other than themselves. This occurred even when participants were specifically told that there was no connection between the speakers and the statements, suggesting, the authors say, that this phenomenon is irrational and largely outside of conscious awareness.
* * *
Article: "Spontaneous Trait Transference: Communicators Take on the Qualities They Describe in Others" by John J. Skowronski, Ph.D., The Ohio State University at Newark; Donal E. Carlston, Ph.D., and Lynda Mae, M.A., Purdue University and Matthew T. Crawford, Indiana University Bloomington in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 74, No. 4.
(Hat tip, Carolyn)
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Thank You, Paul Krugman
I love reading Paul Krugman -- I think he makes a lot of sense, I learn a lot, and he's funny, to boot. My adoration is completely aside from the fact that he's a Professor of Economics at Princeton (I took a lot of Econ courses), which definitely endears him to me, or 'that Swedish thingie".
No, what I admire about Krugman is the way he writes. Why? Because he is just being who he is, telling his truth, based on his education and experience.
What I realize from this is that the point of education (which comes from Latin, and literally means, 'to lead out of') is to make you more of yourself. Thank you, Prof. Krugman, for all your insights, and for leading me to one of mine.
No, what I admire about Krugman is the way he writes. Why? Because he is just being who he is, telling his truth, based on his education and experience.
What I realize from this is that the point of education (which comes from Latin, and literally means, 'to lead out of') is to make you more of yourself. Thank you, Prof. Krugman, for all your insights, and for leading me to one of mine.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Human eye could detect spooky action at a distance
Well of course! The human eye sees a lot more than it is given credit for -- auras, nature spirits, etc.
the physics arXiv blog � Blog Archive � Human eye could detect spooky action at a distance
the physics arXiv blog � Blog Archive � Human eye could detect spooky action at a distance
Monday, February 23, 2009
A No-brainer Way to Feel Better in 2 Minutes Flat
Ever been in a meeting, or at the airport, or even driving, & felt crummy? You know, those times when you have to stay focused on the meeting, the departure announcements or the road, but all you want to do is take care of yourself?
Guess what? It's possible to do both -- stay focused on the task at hand and take care of yourself -- at the same time. And it's ridiculously easy. And no one will ever know.
I just learned this amazing Brain Gym technique from someone I met (thanks, Dorothy!) and I can't believe how well it works. Here's what you do:
Push the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, just behind your front teeth, and hold it for 2 minutes.
You do have to find the right place to push. To find it, you can either:
I tried it a few times yesterday, including lying in bed. And when I was lying there, quite still, I could actually feel the subtle rush. This morning, I did it while I was walking, and I swear, it didn't take 2 minutes. I suppose, like any else, the more you practice it, the easier and quicker the response, as you will have developed neural pathways to support it.
Guess what? It's possible to do both -- stay focused on the task at hand and take care of yourself -- at the same time. And it's ridiculously easy. And no one will ever know.
I just learned this amazing Brain Gym technique from someone I met (thanks, Dorothy!) and I can't believe how well it works. Here's what you do:
Push the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth, just behind your front teeth, and hold it for 2 minutes.
You do have to find the right place to push. To find it, you can either:
- Try a few different ones till you find it by trial and error, noticing when you feel the rush, or
- Suck your thumb for a second. Where your thumb pushes against the roof of your mouth is the right place.
I tried it a few times yesterday, including lying in bed. And when I was lying there, quite still, I could actually feel the subtle rush. This morning, I did it while I was walking, and I swear, it didn't take 2 minutes. I suppose, like any else, the more you practice it, the easier and quicker the response, as you will have developed neural pathways to support it.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Ever wonder how smell works?
Turns out it may be a quantum phenomenon. This is very cool... (and the controlling your thoughts thing is a good headline, but not overly persuasive).
Is Quantum Mechanics Controlling Your Thoughts? | Subatomic Particles | DISCOVER Magazine
Is Quantum Mechanics Controlling Your Thoughts? | Subatomic Particles | DISCOVER Magazine
The world's quickest, easiest way to relax, anywhere, any time!
Usually, when I go for my morning walk, I get into a meditative state by just looking at whatever I pass, without making words in my mind about it. If words show up, I just let them go. Or I repeat a mantra in my mind -- same effect.
Today, however, I decided to look at the spaces between things, instead of at the things themselves. Bingo -- instant trance! I couldn't even make words in my mind.
The easiest way to start is to use tree branches (or anything else that has a lacy effect). Look at the spaces between the branches.
Or try it right now, wherever you are. Are there dangling wires for your equipment? Look at the space between them. A pair of scissors in a pencil cup? Look at the spaces in and around the scissors.
Pretty quickly, you'll move on to bigger things, so that you see all the space around you. For me, that seemed like I was walking in a sea of air, like I'm a tiny creature in this sea.
What happens for you? Let me know...
Today, however, I decided to look at the spaces between things, instead of at the things themselves. Bingo -- instant trance! I couldn't even make words in my mind.
The easiest way to start is to use tree branches (or anything else that has a lacy effect). Look at the spaces between the branches.
Or try it right now, wherever you are. Are there dangling wires for your equipment? Look at the space between them. A pair of scissors in a pencil cup? Look at the spaces in and around the scissors.
Pretty quickly, you'll move on to bigger things, so that you see all the space around you. For me, that seemed like I was walking in a sea of air, like I'm a tiny creature in this sea.
What happens for you? Let me know...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
How to Have More Love in Your Life
People celebrate the upcoming Valentine's day in all sorts of ways -- flowers, chocolate, champagne, and more. But the romantic love that we celebrate at Valentine's Day -- while wonderful -- is only one kind of love. Or maybe it's the poster child for all kinds of love.
So how do you create more love in your life? First, realize that "I love" is a complete statement. It has a subject and a predicate and does not actually need an object. Say it to yourself right now -- "I love". Simple. Complete. "I love."
How do you know when you love? Think about this for a moment. Often people will confuse the actions that express love, like a hug, or a kiss, or a gift, with the love itself.
Second, be clear that love is a feeling, so you need to be able to recognize it in yourself. Here's a simple exercise which will, with practice, enable you to recognize the feeling of your own love, as well as the feeling of others' love coming back to you:
Eventually, you'll probably find the feeling of love actually expands to include the creature you love. You may feel this in any number of ways. The feeling of love may become a sort of energetic cloud that envelops both of you, or you may feel it as a sort of elastic band between you and your creature, or you may feel your creature radiating love back to you in another way. (This is why I earlier suggested a physical creature, rather than a memory -- it's hard to feel love radiating off a memory.)
So, how do you have more love in your life? You create it yourself, with your intention.
So how do you create more love in your life? First, realize that "I love" is a complete statement. It has a subject and a predicate and does not actually need an object. Say it to yourself right now -- "I love". Simple. Complete. "I love."
How do you know when you love? Think about this for a moment. Often people will confuse the actions that express love, like a hug, or a kiss, or a gift, with the love itself.
Second, be clear that love is a feeling, so you need to be able to recognize it in yourself. Here's a simple exercise which will, with practice, enable you to recognize the feeling of your own love, as well as the feeling of others' love coming back to you:
- Find someone or something to love - I highly recommend pets or small sleeping children, as we tend to have more complicated relationships with older humans (as in, "I love my husband, but he leaves the toilet seat up" or "I love my girlfriend but [fill in the blank with whatever makes her imperfect]"). If you don't have handy, regular access to either a pet or a child, you can try an adult, or a plant, or a place. In a pinch, you can even use a memory of someone or something you love, or have loved. I will refer to this as your 'creature', partly for convenience, and partly in honor of my black and white cat, Creature, who sleeps beside me as I write this, and with whom I do this often.
- Actively love this creature - Sit or stand near it, contemplating all the wonderful qualities (s)he possesses, until you notice a response in your body and/or a more subtle one in your energy field.
- Pay attention to the feeling - Notice exactly where the feeling is. Is it in your chest? stomach? around your head? somewhere else? Roughly what shape is it? How large an area contains the feeling? If it's spherical, is it the size of a golf ball, or a baseball, or a softball, or a basketball? Now describe it to yourself, using only kinesthetic words, such as warm, cold, tense, relaxed, expanding, contracting, or tingly. For example, I feel love as an expansive warmth in my chest (around my heart chakra!), somewhat smaller than a basketball, thought the size does change.
- This feeling is how you feel love - Notice that you generated it yourself, using only your thoughts. If you did it just now, what's stopping you from doing it any time? What's stopping you from having more love in your life?
Eventually, you'll probably find the feeling of love actually expands to include the creature you love. You may feel this in any number of ways. The feeling of love may become a sort of energetic cloud that envelops both of you, or you may feel it as a sort of elastic band between you and your creature, or you may feel your creature radiating love back to you in another way. (This is why I earlier suggested a physical creature, rather than a memory -- it's hard to feel love radiating off a memory.)
So, how do you have more love in your life? You create it yourself, with your intention.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Should those Word screens be blue?
And maybe the Excel screens should be red. Looks like people are more creative on a blue background and more accurate on a red one, though this may be an oversimplification:
Color Study Looks at Effects of Red and Blue - NYTimes.com
My Word screen was already blue. I did it because it's easier on my eyes. I'm going to try the red for Excel, too -- typing accuracy is not my strong suit.
Color Study Looks at Effects of Red and Blue - NYTimes.com
My Word screen was already blue. I did it because it's easier on my eyes. I'm going to try the red for Excel, too -- typing accuracy is not my strong suit.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Is there anything positve about the economic situation?
A friend wrote this. There may, in fact, be a silver lining to the economic black cloud. It's generally best to look on the bright side, while acknowledging reality, so I thought I'd post the link.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
On Psychic Etiquette
The human senses register millions of pieces of information every second, so many that we can't possibly process them all consciously -- and many of then we can't even process at an unconscious level. These bits of information, processed beneath the level of conscious awareness, constitute intuition or the psychic senses. (See Malcom Gladwell's "Blink" for a great discussion of this.)
You can choose where to focus your attention, however. And as you begin to open up psychically, you have to have guidelines for the responsible use of your abilities. Here are my rules for what is fair game (you can choose your own):
I do know some people have a lot of natural psychic or intuitive ability, and don't know how to manage it, and 'see' or feel stuff for other people all the time. These people (usually women) are so overwhelmed by the information that they get, that they either can't function, or shut the abilities down entirely. And often, before they shut down the abilities, they have the experience of telling someone something they saw, and being made wrong for having seen it.
Shutting down seems a shame to me, because we are given these gifts as a natural part of our existence, and not using what you have is like tying your dominant arm behind your back. Then you don't have your arm available for your own betterment or protection, and you don't have it available to help others who want to be helped. (If you are one of these people, I can help. Call me at 888-4-hollis.)
You can choose where to focus your attention, however. And as you begin to open up psychically, you have to have guidelines for the responsible use of your abilities. Here are my rules for what is fair game (you can choose your own):
- Things that concern me.
- Things that other people ask me to look at that concern them.
I do know some people have a lot of natural psychic or intuitive ability, and don't know how to manage it, and 'see' or feel stuff for other people all the time. These people (usually women) are so overwhelmed by the information that they get, that they either can't function, or shut the abilities down entirely. And often, before they shut down the abilities, they have the experience of telling someone something they saw, and being made wrong for having seen it.
Shutting down seems a shame to me, because we are given these gifts as a natural part of our existence, and not using what you have is like tying your dominant arm behind your back. Then you don't have your arm available for your own betterment or protection, and you don't have it available to help others who want to be helped. (If you are one of these people, I can help. Call me at 888-4-hollis.)
Grandma was right!
My grandmother (and her daughter, my mother) used a lot of common sayings. Here are 3 of her favorites:
Most of us over the age of 21 (the age of 10? 8?) have learned this, to at least some degree. We have learned not to say to someone, "You have a big butt", but rather "That isn't the most flattering outfit." I'm told by friends who grew up in the South, that when women there want to be catty (or perhaps along with the cattiness), they say, "Bless her heart". I do think that's much more positive, asking for a blessing for the person whom you dislike, to help him/her see the light, change his/her ways, etc.
#2 really hit home this week, as I began to delete blog post comments that showed up in my email box without reading them. Why read something I knew was going to be vile, just from the subject? And you can't influence someone without reaching him or her.
#3 is about not giving energy to the negative. What you focus on, expands. I choose to focus on the positive. This is also why I've chosen to hide the comments. Why leave the vile stuff out in the open? (And it doesn't seem possible to publish some comments and not others, and even if it were possible, that would be way too much work, and focusing on the negative.)
- If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
- You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
- Don't dignify that with an answer. (For someone saying something mean.)
Most of us over the age of 21 (the age of 10? 8?) have learned this, to at least some degree. We have learned not to say to someone, "You have a big butt", but rather "That isn't the most flattering outfit." I'm told by friends who grew up in the South, that when women there want to be catty (or perhaps along with the cattiness), they say, "Bless her heart". I do think that's much more positive, asking for a blessing for the person whom you dislike, to help him/her see the light, change his/her ways, etc.
#2 really hit home this week, as I began to delete blog post comments that showed up in my email box without reading them. Why read something I knew was going to be vile, just from the subject? And you can't influence someone without reaching him or her.
#3 is about not giving energy to the negative. What you focus on, expands. I choose to focus on the positive. This is also why I've chosen to hide the comments. Why leave the vile stuff out in the open? (And it doesn't seem possible to publish some comments and not others, and even if it were possible, that would be way too much work, and focusing on the negative.)
To Natalie
Thank you very much for your clear explanation and civil tone. May your open heart help heal many others!
I did do as you asked.
Thank you again!
I did do as you asked.
Thank you again!
Monday, February 02, 2009
More Lessons from Wife Swap (& its aftermath)
So I posted the item below on Saturday afternoon, and began to get hate mail. Most of it was gratuitously vile, while a few people struck a reasonable tone and made good points. To the reasonable among you, thank you. To those who just used the comments to vent their anger, has it occurred to you that perhaps praying for open hearts (Stephen's, yours, mine, heck, the entire world's) might be a more productive use of your time and energy?
Here's what I've learned from this:
Here's what I've learned from this:
- The power of prime time television - I wasn't on the show; all I did was write a blog post about it. And yet my blog has gotten more hits in the last 2 days than in the last 6 months combined.
- The power of controversy - A radio talent manager told me years ago that you get better ratings by stirring up controversy than by being nice. (He's the person who convinced Dr. Laura to air her real comments rather than what he called, "happy talk" -- and the rating soared.) Wow, was he right.
- What you put out comes back to you, amplified - While I didn't say anything mean, I am apparently guilty by association. Stephen said mean things on screen, and so that energy comes back at him, his family and me, just for writing about it.
- People are willing to judge someone based on very little evidence - Obviously, they are willing to condemn a man's entire life and being based on part of 42 minutes of (edited) television. And of course, they know him better than people who have met him. Does anyone remember "judge not, lest ye be judged"?
- Once people have made up their minds, they don't want to hear anything that contradicts their judgment - Heaven forbid you should bring up a different side of the issue.
- A 'public' figure is not viewed as human - People apparently feel it is fine to say horrible things to people they have never met. They say things I'm sure they would never say to a friend or family member -- or even a stranger -- to his or her face. I'm an adult, and I can take it, but I'm beginning to feel sorry for the teenagers on American Idol, who must get all sorts of crap, at a time in their lives when they're very vulnerable. Therefore...
- If you are going to be 'public', you'd better have pretty thick skin. - The problem with this is that people who develop such thick skin then begin to ignore the negative comments and surround themselves with people they feel they can trust. If those people are sycophants, that 'public' figure begins to live in an isolated, unrealistic bubble.
- Loyalty is not valued - To say something positive about someone who is out of favor is not viewed as loyalty, but as being vile, or stupid.
- Listener, viewer, reader beware: freedom of speech does not mean you have to tell the truth, let alone be civil - I've read that it's illegal to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater, unless there is, in fact, a fire. But is is fine to threaten publicly, and to lie about the facts on the air. Of course, I should have learned this from the media darlings who make their living by spreading lies that feed hatred, but I get it at a deeper level now.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
3 Tips for Getting Organized on Outlook/Entourage
This economic climate is all about doing more with less. Being organized is about the best way I know to do that. Saving time on clerical tasks means more time with clients, or more time marketing to get new clients. So who wouldn't want to be better organized? And it's easy.
I've given tips on getting organized to a number of my small business clients over the last few weeks, so I now realize that the software you already have can be used to save time and effort. [I'll be using Entourage for my examples, but I'm sure Outlook is very similar. And even if you have different calendar/email/database software, these tips will still apply.] Here are my favorite tips:
1) Put in "To Do" items for the future. You want to create a "Task". Click "NEW", then "Task" in the drop down menu. You can schedule a reminder for any date, and it will pop up to remind you just when you need it most! For example, I use it to remind me to call the contractors if I haven't heard from them by 'x' date. You can also set up recurring reminders. Mine include changing the kitty litter weekly, all the exercise classes I like & my monthly bill-paying session.
2) Put today's "To Do's" on an ever-evolving list. This is a "Note". I used to keep my "To Do" list on a scrap of paper, to which I'd add new things to do, phone numbers, emails, urls, etc. as time went on, as well as crossing off things. It got to be a mess, plus I'd have to copy the updated version onto a new piece of paper every few days. Yes, I got to throw out the old one with all the crossed-off stuff, but then I'd have to keep some of them because of all the phone numbers. Not satisfying -- and a mess. What do you do with all those odd-sized pieces of paper? Where do you keep all the odd notes for the long erm?
Now I keep mine in a Note, entitled "To Do List", which I update and print daily. I 3-hole punch them at the end of the day, and keep them in a notebook, so I can easily find notes later if I need to. Plus they'll make a great record of the year, along with my gratitude and success journals. Click "NEW", then "Note" in the drop down window.
3) Keep a folder for form emails. Remember form lettters? They're great for things you have to say to a zillion people, one at a time, aren't they? In the past, you photocopied a form and just hand wrote names in. Later, they were Word documents, into which you'd insert names and other appropriate info. Well, you can do it with emails, too! I do it for receipts, and welcomes, etc. Here's how:
I've given tips on getting organized to a number of my small business clients over the last few weeks, so I now realize that the software you already have can be used to save time and effort. [I'll be using Entourage for my examples, but I'm sure Outlook is very similar. And even if you have different calendar/email/database software, these tips will still apply.] Here are my favorite tips:
1) Put in "To Do" items for the future. You want to create a "Task". Click "NEW", then "Task" in the drop down menu. You can schedule a reminder for any date, and it will pop up to remind you just when you need it most! For example, I use it to remind me to call the contractors if I haven't heard from them by 'x' date. You can also set up recurring reminders. Mine include changing the kitty litter weekly, all the exercise classes I like & my monthly bill-paying session.
2) Put today's "To Do's" on an ever-evolving list. This is a "Note". I used to keep my "To Do" list on a scrap of paper, to which I'd add new things to do, phone numbers, emails, urls, etc. as time went on, as well as crossing off things. It got to be a mess, plus I'd have to copy the updated version onto a new piece of paper every few days. Yes, I got to throw out the old one with all the crossed-off stuff, but then I'd have to keep some of them because of all the phone numbers. Not satisfying -- and a mess. What do you do with all those odd-sized pieces of paper? Where do you keep all the odd notes for the long erm?
Now I keep mine in a Note, entitled "To Do List", which I update and print daily. I 3-hole punch them at the end of the day, and keep them in a notebook, so I can easily find notes later if I need to. Plus they'll make a great record of the year, along with my gratitude and success journals. Click "NEW", then "Note" in the drop down window.
3) Keep a folder for form emails. Remember form lettters? They're great for things you have to say to a zillion people, one at a time, aren't they? In the past, you photocopied a form and just hand wrote names in. Later, they were Word documents, into which you'd insert names and other appropriate info. Well, you can do it with emails, too! I do it for receipts, and welcomes, etc. Here's how:
- Highlight the "Drafts" Folder by putting your cursor on it.
- At the top, click "New", then "Sub-folder" in the drop down menu. Then go to the new folder and title it "ReUse Drafts". This is the folder you'll keep all those form emails in.
- When you get the text of an email you send a lot exactly the way you want it, put it into the body of an email.
- Title the email "Draft of -----".
- Save it -- it will automatically go into a 'Draft' Folder.
- Click on the 'Draft' Folder, so you see the contents.
- Highlight the "Draft of ----" and drag it into the "ReUse Drafts" Folder.
- Then, when you need to thanks someone for their inquiry, click on the ReUse Drafts Folder, highlight the draft you want, and copy the text into a new email, inserting the appropriate info into the new email.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Develop Your Intuition -- it's fun AND convenient!
Everyone has intuitive abilities. No matter what level you’re starting from, you can develop your innate abilities and learn new skills. You'll learn easy-to-use techniques to access deeper level information and you'll get answers for yourself and others. You'll
* practice getting answers to everyday issues in your life and others' lives,
* learn to read people quickly and easily, and
* understand the deeper dynamics of interpersonal and business situations. .
This is a safe environment to explore your issues. You'll even make new friends, as you'll be trading readings.
This method is completely different from any other way of teaching the development of intuition; all other training teaches standard techniques, which may or may not work for you. Here, you'll identify your natural talents; then turn these talents into skills, using my unique method. This intuitive method does not use any sorts of external divination tools, like tarot or runes. This has several advantages:
· Your tools are always available, since there are none outside yourself.
· Your skill is subtle and can be used in any setting, with anyone, skeptic or not.
· Your skill enhances the use of any divination tools.
Here's what you can expect:
- A clear understanding of what psychic ability is
- Useful beliefs to enhance your intuition/psychic ability/clairvoyance
- An understanding of your own psychic/intuitive skills
- Practice with others in a safe space to get feedback about what works for you
- Knowledge of how to practice using your skills on your own
Who should attend:
Everyone!
It's for you if you're ready to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.
It’s for you if you have ever said something like, “I know there’s a message here, but I’m not quite getting it” or “I know I’m intuitive, but I can’t rely on it, because it isn’t always on.”
When:
* 1st & 3rd Mondays of the month, for 5 months (10 classes), beginning February 16
* 5:30PM - 6:30 PM
* All calls will be recorded, so you can listen in if you miss a class, or replay a class you feel you can get more out of by listening again (each class will have a meditation, so this is highly recommended!)
For fees and other info, please click here.
* practice getting answers to everyday issues in your life and others' lives,
* learn to read people quickly and easily, and
* understand the deeper dynamics of interpersonal and business situations. .
This is a safe environment to explore your issues. You'll even make new friends, as you'll be trading readings.
This method is completely different from any other way of teaching the development of intuition; all other training teaches standard techniques, which may or may not work for you. Here, you'll identify your natural talents; then turn these talents into skills, using my unique method. This intuitive method does not use any sorts of external divination tools, like tarot or runes. This has several advantages:
· Your tools are always available, since there are none outside yourself.
· Your skill is subtle and can be used in any setting, with anyone, skeptic or not.
· Your skill enhances the use of any divination tools.
Here's what you can expect:
- A clear understanding of what psychic ability is
- Useful beliefs to enhance your intuition/psychic ability/clairvoyance
- An understanding of your own psychic/intuitive skills
- Practice with others in a safe space to get feedback about what works for you
- Knowledge of how to practice using your skills on your own
Who should attend:
Everyone!
It's for you if you're ready to see yourself, others and the world more clearly.
It’s for you if you have ever said something like, “I know there’s a message here, but I’m not quite getting it” or “I know I’m intuitive, but I can’t rely on it, because it isn’t always on.”
When:
* 1st & 3rd Mondays of the month, for 5 months (10 classes), beginning February 16
* 5:30PM - 6:30 PM
* All calls will be recorded, so you can listen in if you miss a class, or replay a class you feel you can get more out of by listening again (each class will have a meditation, so this is highly recommended!)
For fees and other info, please click here.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
It really IS a new day!
I left yesterday morning's schedule empty so I could watch the Inauguration -- and like most people, stayed until I watched W's helicopter disappear. I guess I wanted to be sure he was really gone...
Then I went for one of my usual walks, to the library, though much later than usual. What surprised me was how many strangers and bare acquaintances all said the same thing -- "I'm proud to be an American again." I don't know that I've ever been actively proud of my country (I was a little kid during the Viet Nam conflict, another time where pride was dubious), but I sure have been ashamed for the last 8 years, and feel I can hold my head up again.
I did have clients scheduled in the afternoon. The first time I got into the appropriate state to do a reading, I had an amazing experience. Normally, when I ask my guides to be with me, to help me help my client, humanity and the earth, my palm chakras open up for 2 of the guides and I see beams of light in different places for the others.
Not yesterday. Yesterday, each of them showed up in a sort of light body, all standing in a ring with me. When I asked why, I 'heard' that Obama's inauguration was a big step in humanity's ascension, big shift in our collective consciousness.
Then I went for one of my usual walks, to the library, though much later than usual. What surprised me was how many strangers and bare acquaintances all said the same thing -- "I'm proud to be an American again." I don't know that I've ever been actively proud of my country (I was a little kid during the Viet Nam conflict, another time where pride was dubious), but I sure have been ashamed for the last 8 years, and feel I can hold my head up again.
I did have clients scheduled in the afternoon. The first time I got into the appropriate state to do a reading, I had an amazing experience. Normally, when I ask my guides to be with me, to help me help my client, humanity and the earth, my palm chakras open up for 2 of the guides and I see beams of light in different places for the others.
Not yesterday. Yesterday, each of them showed up in a sort of light body, all standing in a ring with me. When I asked why, I 'heard' that Obama's inauguration was a big step in humanity's ascension, big shift in our collective consciousness.
In case you missed it: Obama’s Inaugural Address
In case you missed it -- or even if you didn't, because it's even better reading it the next day:
Transcript - Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address - Text - NYTimes.com
He manages to put everyone on notice that things are going to be different, from the Republicans to other nations to Wall Street to you and me. He invokes our ancestors as well as future generations -- with hope, and a call to hard work.
I put it here so I can always find it, because I think I'll want to refer to it often over the next few years.
Transcript - Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address - Text - NYTimes.com
He manages to put everyone on notice that things are going to be different, from the Republicans to other nations to Wall Street to you and me. He invokes our ancestors as well as future generations -- with hope, and a call to hard work.
I put it here so I can always find it, because I think I'll want to refer to it often over the next few years.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Persuasion is...
...the art of showing someone exactly how it is in their best interest to do what you want them to do.
The way I got the owner of the property with the neighbor from hell (NFH) to give me power of attorney to get rid of her, was that I showed him his liability for keeping her there, and then made him an offer he couldn't refuse to let me do it for him.
The way I got rid of the NFH was to have the attorney tell her that if I even filed a suit for unlawful detainer (the technical term for eviction lawsuit), it would be follow her around for the rest of her life, regardless of the disposition of the suit. It's amazing how fast people can move when they're motivated!
The way I'm hoping to convice the lender to sell to me cheaply is to point out that if they don't, they become liable for the myriad problems on the property, and that the Homeowners' Association can foreclose judicially at any time, which would wipe out their interest entirely. Wish me luck!
The way I got the owner of the property with the neighbor from hell (NFH) to give me power of attorney to get rid of her, was that I showed him his liability for keeping her there, and then made him an offer he couldn't refuse to let me do it for him.
The way I got rid of the NFH was to have the attorney tell her that if I even filed a suit for unlawful detainer (the technical term for eviction lawsuit), it would be follow her around for the rest of her life, regardless of the disposition of the suit. It's amazing how fast people can move when they're motivated!
The way I'm hoping to convice the lender to sell to me cheaply is to point out that if they don't, they become liable for the myriad problems on the property, and that the Homeowners' Association can foreclose judicially at any time, which would wipe out their interest entirely. Wish me luck!
What is the difference between a vow & an affirmation?
A friend of mine, who definitely enjoys her wine, was talking about a vow she'd made recently -- "No more hangovers!" And a funny thing happened: she was at a business/social event, drinking moderately, when she felt nauseous. She left the party, went back to her hotel room, had a glass of water and fell asleep, only to dream that she was milking a rattlesnake, symbolically pulling the poison from her system. And she hasn't had a hangover in the months since making the vow.
So obviously, vows can be powerful. They tend to be simple. declarative statements, structured in absolutes. Sometimes, they're stated in the positive, though they're usually stated in the negative, such as "No more..." They're often stated in the future tense, such as "I'll never... again." They are often stated in the third person, such as "This ____ stops now!" And they're generally made just once.
Affirmations, on the other hand, are positive, present tense, first person statements, which are repeated over and over till they become true. They're powerful, too.
So how can these two opposite ways of expressing a clear intention both be so effective?
My guess -- and it is just a guess -- is that an affirmation comes from a superficial part of the self, which desires change, while a vow comes from a deeper part of the self, which recognizes an internal change has already happened, and just needs to manifest in the exterior world. An affirmation is a declaration of what you choose, as if it already exists. A vow is a statement of what already exists on the inner planes, declaring itself to the outside world.
So obviously, vows can be powerful. They tend to be simple. declarative statements, structured in absolutes. Sometimes, they're stated in the positive, though they're usually stated in the negative, such as "No more..." They're often stated in the future tense, such as "I'll never... again." They are often stated in the third person, such as "This ____ stops now!" And they're generally made just once.
Affirmations, on the other hand, are positive, present tense, first person statements, which are repeated over and over till they become true. They're powerful, too.
So how can these two opposite ways of expressing a clear intention both be so effective?
My guess -- and it is just a guess -- is that an affirmation comes from a superficial part of the self, which desires change, while a vow comes from a deeper part of the self, which recognizes an internal change has already happened, and just needs to manifest in the exterior world. An affirmation is a declaration of what you choose, as if it already exists. A vow is a statement of what already exists on the inner planes, declaring itself to the outside world.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 09, 2009
8 Business Lessons from the "Neighbor from Hell'
I worked really hard to get rid of the 'neighbor from hell' at a condo I own. (More about that here.) She left, finally, all because I got the owner to give me power of attorney to do it. As I look back on it, though, doing this has taught me a number of lessons which are much more widely applicable:
1) Have a clear intention (don't take no for an answer) -- The neighbor from hell (NFH) had been negatively affecting my life for years now. Because of her, I had a much harder time finding an acceptable tenant for that unit than for any other unit I own (and a few are in the neighborhood, so it really is comparing apples to apples). Further, the tenant in that unit turns over immediately at the end of each lease (if they even paid the rent on time, so that I didn't have to get rid of them earlier -- and this is the only unit where I've ever had to evict anyone).
When my wonderful current tenant gave me 60 days notice, despite acknowledging the fact that she has a lease which at that point lasted another 6 months, I got desperate. And desperation turned into determination that this ends now. And somehow, when I get determined, the universe lines up behind me. (This is most defiitely a vow, which seems to be a variant on the Law of Attraction.)
2) Be nice -- My first step was to contact the owner. Of course, I'd been trying that without success for over a year. She wouldn't answer my phone calls or emails. So what I did was pay her a visit. How did I have her address? When she bought the property, back in 2006, I was nice. I called her up (got that number because the former owner was a friend -- see, I'm nice), and said, "If I can help you in any way, please let me know. And oh, by the way, please give me your contact info", which she did.
3) Be organized -- I'm fanatic about keeping people's contact information. If you give me a card, all that goes into my database, even if I don't put you on my mailing list. My database is over 3000 records, everyone from the plumber to the dentist to the health insurance company to my extended family to my clients and on and on. So when I needed this woman's address, there it was, easy to find.
4) Know the rules of the game -- It's important to know what you can do, and what you can't. Without the owner authorizing me to do it, neither I nor my tenants could evict the NFH, who was essentially a squatter, paying no rent, no water or sewer bill, no gas bill, putting slugs in the communal washing machine. My tenant couldn't put the stuff the NFH had wrongly stored in my tenant's half of the shared garage out on the driveway, or in the dumpster -- that would have been illegal. We could, however, call the police to keep an eye on the place, and file lots of complaints about the bad behavior of the NFH. We could call Child Protective Services to have the mother investigated for leaving her minor child unsupervised for a week at a time. And with the power of attorney from the owner, I can file an unlawful detainer suit, which will eventually get her out for sure.
5) You can't always be nice -- Some people, like like the Neighbor from Hell, don't respond to nice. You can ask a Neighbor from Hell something nicely, and she'll either ignore you, or smile, say yes, and then ignore you. With these people, you have to be tough. That means using all the resources available to you -- veiled threats, contracts, police, Child Protective Services, the courts, whatever. (NLP would say, "the most flexible system always wins". And by trying everything, I am being flexible as hell.)
6) Talk to people in terms they'll understand -- This is actually a basic principle of NLP, phrased as "The meaning of communication is the response you get." I always took this to mean that if you didn't get the response you wanted from the words you chose, you should try different words.
That's part of it. Another part of communication is not your words, it's your actions. The NFH basically lives by working the system (Section 8 & disability payments for 5 years that I know of, even though she's capable of painting apartments for extra income). So I made sure that the information came from an authority figure (attorney), who said that if I even filed an unlawful detainer (i.e. eviction) lawsuit, it would follow her around forever. (Translation: you'll have a really hard time finding another apartment for the rest of your life.) Funny thing, the U-Haul truck made regular appearances right after that.
7) Be transparent -- that is, tell the truth, and tell it to everyone who needs hear it. This is one of the wonders of email. You can easily have a one to many conversation. You don't have to say the same thing over and over to keep everyone up to date, and you don't have to wonder who said what to whom, or when. When I email my tenant about what's going on, I often cc the property owner, the attorney and the police. Same thing when they email me. That way, everyone is on the same page, and we can all go forward together. In fact, we all begin to trust each other more, too.
8) Reach out to the community -- When I told a friend my saga of the NFH, she said, it sounds like bad custody battle. And she has a point. The custody problem is directly between the parents, but it affects the children, and anyone to whom those kids act out. A people problem is therefore a problem for the community. This is why Child Protective Services exist. It's why police, aka peace officers, exist. It's why the courts exist. They are all her to provide formal community solutions to community problems. Use them.
1) Have a clear intention (don't take no for an answer) -- The neighbor from hell (NFH) had been negatively affecting my life for years now. Because of her, I had a much harder time finding an acceptable tenant for that unit than for any other unit I own (and a few are in the neighborhood, so it really is comparing apples to apples). Further, the tenant in that unit turns over immediately at the end of each lease (if they even paid the rent on time, so that I didn't have to get rid of them earlier -- and this is the only unit where I've ever had to evict anyone).
When my wonderful current tenant gave me 60 days notice, despite acknowledging the fact that she has a lease which at that point lasted another 6 months, I got desperate. And desperation turned into determination that this ends now. And somehow, when I get determined, the universe lines up behind me. (This is most defiitely a vow, which seems to be a variant on the Law of Attraction.)
2) Be nice -- My first step was to contact the owner. Of course, I'd been trying that without success for over a year. She wouldn't answer my phone calls or emails. So what I did was pay her a visit. How did I have her address? When she bought the property, back in 2006, I was nice. I called her up (got that number because the former owner was a friend -- see, I'm nice), and said, "If I can help you in any way, please let me know. And oh, by the way, please give me your contact info", which she did.
3) Be organized -- I'm fanatic about keeping people's contact information. If you give me a card, all that goes into my database, even if I don't put you on my mailing list. My database is over 3000 records, everyone from the plumber to the dentist to the health insurance company to my extended family to my clients and on and on. So when I needed this woman's address, there it was, easy to find.
4) Know the rules of the game -- It's important to know what you can do, and what you can't. Without the owner authorizing me to do it, neither I nor my tenants could evict the NFH, who was essentially a squatter, paying no rent, no water or sewer bill, no gas bill, putting slugs in the communal washing machine. My tenant couldn't put the stuff the NFH had wrongly stored in my tenant's half of the shared garage out on the driveway, or in the dumpster -- that would have been illegal. We could, however, call the police to keep an eye on the place, and file lots of complaints about the bad behavior of the NFH. We could call Child Protective Services to have the mother investigated for leaving her minor child unsupervised for a week at a time. And with the power of attorney from the owner, I can file an unlawful detainer suit, which will eventually get her out for sure.
5) You can't always be nice -- Some people, like like the Neighbor from Hell, don't respond to nice. You can ask a Neighbor from Hell something nicely, and she'll either ignore you, or smile, say yes, and then ignore you. With these people, you have to be tough. That means using all the resources available to you -- veiled threats, contracts, police, Child Protective Services, the courts, whatever. (NLP would say, "the most flexible system always wins". And by trying everything, I am being flexible as hell.)
6) Talk to people in terms they'll understand -- This is actually a basic principle of NLP, phrased as "The meaning of communication is the response you get." I always took this to mean that if you didn't get the response you wanted from the words you chose, you should try different words.
That's part of it. Another part of communication is not your words, it's your actions. The NFH basically lives by working the system (Section 8 & disability payments for 5 years that I know of, even though she's capable of painting apartments for extra income). So I made sure that the information came from an authority figure (attorney), who said that if I even filed an unlawful detainer (i.e. eviction) lawsuit, it would follow her around forever. (Translation: you'll have a really hard time finding another apartment for the rest of your life.) Funny thing, the U-Haul truck made regular appearances right after that.
7) Be transparent -- that is, tell the truth, and tell it to everyone who needs hear it. This is one of the wonders of email. You can easily have a one to many conversation. You don't have to say the same thing over and over to keep everyone up to date, and you don't have to wonder who said what to whom, or when. When I email my tenant about what's going on, I often cc the property owner, the attorney and the police. Same thing when they email me. That way, everyone is on the same page, and we can all go forward together. In fact, we all begin to trust each other more, too.
8) Reach out to the community -- When I told a friend my saga of the NFH, she said, it sounds like bad custody battle. And she has a point. The custody problem is directly between the parents, but it affects the children, and anyone to whom those kids act out. A people problem is therefore a problem for the community. This is why Child Protective Services exist. It's why police, aka peace officers, exist. It's why the courts exist. They are all her to provide formal community solutions to community problems. Use them.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Yet another reason to clean up your thoughts...
You think your thoughts are private, don't you? Most everyone does, and that's why people tend to freak out when I mention telepathy -- I think it's the last taboo.
I have some bad news for you -- neuroscientists are beginning to be able to read your mind using computers and fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging). It's surprisingly accurate, too.
Lest you think that this is only something that can be done using fMRI at great inconvenience and expense, there's more -- they expect to be able to do this using lasers in a few years, so that you won't even know it's being done to you.
I'm not eing alarmist, either. Check this out:
Reading Your Mind Video - CBSNews.com
So now, while your thoughts are still private, is a really good time to clean them up. Many of our unbidden thoughts come as a result of unconscious processing, which you can shift. If you'd like some help with thoughts that seem to intrude, that you'd prefer to eliminate, call me at 888-4-hollis (888-446-5547).
I have some bad news for you -- neuroscientists are beginning to be able to read your mind using computers and fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging). It's surprisingly accurate, too.
Lest you think that this is only something that can be done using fMRI at great inconvenience and expense, there's more -- they expect to be able to do this using lasers in a few years, so that you won't even know it's being done to you.
I'm not eing alarmist, either. Check this out:
Reading Your Mind Video - CBSNews.com
So now, while your thoughts are still private, is a really good time to clean them up. Many of our unbidden thoughts come as a result of unconscious processing, which you can shift. If you'd like some help with thoughts that seem to intrude, that you'd prefer to eliminate, call me at 888-4-hollis (888-446-5547).
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Findings - For Good Self-Control, Try Getting Religious About It - NYTimes.com
Score one for religion?
Findings - For Good Self-Control, Try Getting Religious About It - NYTimes.com
“Brain-scan studies have shown that when people pray or meditate, there’s a lot of activity in two parts of brain that are important for self-regulation and control of attention and emotion,” he said. “The rituals that religions have been encouraging for thousands of years seem to be a kind of anaerobic workout for self-control.”
Although a number of different studies are cited, including one on people who are 'spiritual' but not 'religious', there is no study on 'spiritual' plus meditation versus religion.
Findings - For Good Self-Control, Try Getting Religious About It - NYTimes.com
“Brain-scan studies have shown that when people pray or meditate, there’s a lot of activity in two parts of brain that are important for self-regulation and control of attention and emotion,” he said. “The rituals that religions have been encouraging for thousands of years seem to be a kind of anaerobic workout for self-control.”
Although a number of different studies are cited, including one on people who are 'spiritual' but not 'religious', there is no study on 'spiritual' plus meditation versus religion.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Blind, Yet Seeing - The Brain’s Subconscious Visual Sense - NYTimes.com
Yet another proof that we perceive more than we think we perceive:
Blind, Yet Seeing - The Brain’s Subconscious Visual Sense - NYTimes.com
Blind, Yet Seeing - The Brain’s Subconscious Visual Sense - NYTimes.com
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Keeping the holidays under control
Okay, it's a little lat for this, at least for this year, but I was part of a recorded group conversation that my friend and radio host, Nina Price, did on how to enjoy the holidays. You can read the summary here:
http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#/note.php?note_id=52293441788&ref=nf
http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#/note.php?note_id=52293441788&ref=nf
Thursday, December 18, 2008
See? I'm normal!
At least about understanding my cats...
AP Poll: 67 percent of pet owners say they understand their pets
My question is, if we can understand our pets, why aren't we copping to reading each other's minds?
AP Poll: 67 percent of pet owners say they understand their pets
My question is, if we can understand our pets, why aren't we copping to reading each other's minds?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
TPMCafe | Talking Points Memo | Credit Card Payments and Psychological "Anchoring"
The credit card companies get you coming and going:
TPMCafe | Talking Points Memo | Credit Card Payments and Psychological "Anchoring"
TPMCafe | Talking Points Memo | Credit Card Payments and Psychological "Anchoring"
Op-Ed Columnist - The Great Unraveling - NYTimes.com
When I was 11 years old (I was in 8th grade at the time), I saw very clearly that the US was going to become more socialist and that Russia and China were going to become more capitalist. I was so clear about it that I insisted that I go to a high school where I could learn Russian or Chinese. (This was NOT part of my family conversation -- my parents were very surprised by my request, though when I explained it, they seemed to understand.)
My parents found me a boarding school where I could learn Russian. Funny thing, the first year I took Russian was the year that the Russian grain harvests failed disastrously, and the US first sold wheat to the USSR. I remember boarding a Russian ship, which was loading wheat into its hold from a grain elevator at the port of Albany (NY), as a field trip.
Anyway, here it is, about 40 years later, and it turns out I was right. Obviously Russia went more capitalist in the Gorbachev era, China is doing it now -- and we are nationalizing our banks. (And maybe the auto companies?) Here's Tom Friedman making the point:
Op-Ed Columnist - The Great Unraveling - NYTimes.com
My parents found me a boarding school where I could learn Russian. Funny thing, the first year I took Russian was the year that the Russian grain harvests failed disastrously, and the US first sold wheat to the USSR. I remember boarding a Russian ship, which was loading wheat into its hold from a grain elevator at the port of Albany (NY), as a field trip.
Anyway, here it is, about 40 years later, and it turns out I was right. Obviously Russia went more capitalist in the Gorbachev era, China is doing it now -- and we are nationalizing our banks. (And maybe the auto companies?) Here's Tom Friedman making the point:
Op-Ed Columnist - The Great Unraveling - NYTimes.com
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Hollis' Adventures in SubPrimeLand (or, Through the Looking-Glass)
I own, as an investment, a 2 bedroom, 1 bath condominium in Citrus Heights, which abuts Sacramento. I bought it right after 9/11, when no one else was buying, and so I got a great deal (about 2/3 of what it was worth on a cash flow basis), and it cash flows, at least when it's rented, which is the vast majority of the time.
It's nothing fancy, an 800sf front ground floor unit in one of those McKeon four-plexes that sprung up all over CA in the 70's. (McKeon was the builder who figured out how to do condominia.) The neighborhood is nothing fancy, either, a neighborhood of small working class families, the elderly and the disabled, mostly owner-occupied units, but some rentals, too.
My unit is cute, in a cottage-y sort of way, looking out on a front lawn, and it only has one wall in common with any other units. The drawback to it, however, is that the windows of both bedrooms, one at the right of the unit, and one at the left, each look out on the front entrance to a side unit in the building. This means that your neighbor's ingress and egress habits may affect your sleep. This is the genesis of my adventures in SubPrimeLand.
The neighbors in the unit to the right of mine are the neighbors from hell (NFH). The single mom and her son were Section 8 tenants (more on that later). The mom, a white woman in her early 30’s, was on disability for brain damage due to a car accident 10 or so years ago. But somehow, she managed to do all sorts of jobs for her landlord, cleaning and painting vacant apartments to get them on the market -- for cash, of course. Her mother was living with her, along with a series of unsavory boyfriends, at least one of whom went to prison as a drug dealer. (Of course, none of these 'guests' were allowed by the Section 8 rules.) She managed to store so much stuff in her half of our shared garage that my tenants complained of being unable to use their half. When I personally moved some of the stuff, after repeated requests fell on deaf ears, she called the cops on me! Her vicious dog attacked her (better her than anyone else) and tore her arm up so badly that she spent the night in the hospital, with hundreds of stitches, and the cops had to shoot the dog. Of course, she immediately got a new dog.
The owner was a good friend of mine. He maintained the unit, but never fixed it up, so it had ratty carpet, worn linoleum and old appliances. But it was good enough for Section 8. My pleas to him to get rid of the NFH fell on deaf ears – the Section 8 money kept coming, and he used her to do those other apartment clean outs. But he did have a good rapport with her, and could manage her somewhat.
He sold the unit in the spring of ’07 (smart man!) to another investor. He told me who it was, and I called her to warn her about the tenant, and to see if we could work together, checking on each other’s units if we were in the neighborhood (she lives in San Jose), etc. I never did hear from her, though.
Comes the Spring of ’08, and my last tenant moved out for personal reasons. It was 2 middle-aged sisters, tough old birds, one of whom managed rentals for a living, and so they could deal with the NFH okay. These ladies told me that the NFH had received a 30 day notice to quit, and would be leaving a couple of days after them.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
My new tenants are quite nice and very reliable. They are a mother, who is a retired public health nurse, and her adult daughter, who is back in college full time after a divorce. After a couple of months, they began to complain about the behavior of the now teenaged son next door (remember, the TFH was a single mom) and his friends. The kids were smoking on my tenants’ front steps, making noise at all hours of the day and night. To make matters worse, the mom had moved out of the unit, and into the fourth unit of the fourplex, the one at the back, over the garage, with her new boyfriend (having broken up his former relationship), leaving her son alone in the side unit.
I told them to call the cops, which they did – repeatedly. But nothing happened.
When my tenants told me that the mom and her boyfriend had been evicted from the back unit, departing for parts unknown, leaving the son in the side unit, I called my attorney to tell him. He said, tell the cops that there is an unsupervised minor in there, and they’ll do something. So I did, and I called Child Protective Services, too, for good measure. The police did do a welfare check, finding that the minor had a 21 year old male with him! Not a good sign. And with an adult in there, the police could do nothing. This brought the TFH back, to harrass my tenants.
Meanwhile, I’d been calling and emailing the owner, to no avail. She wouldn’t answer my calls or my emails. I do know she got the emails, though, because they didn’t bounce.
Now my tenants were threatening to break their lease. I can’t afford to have my unit vacant. And now, I’ve created so much animosity with the TFH that I’m afraid that if it’s vacant for even a day, my unit will be vandalized.
So I’m desperate. Why is no one doing anything?
Here’s why:
• The TFH has not been evicted, despite its Section 8 status being revoked, so that no rent was coming in. Why wouldn’t you evict a tenant for non-payment of rent?
• Here’s why: The owners don’t care because the unit is in foreclosure. A notice of default was filed in the spring of 2008. It only takes 90 days to foreclose, so that should have happened a long time ago. Why didn’t the trustee’s sale happen?
• Here’s why: The lender is in bankruptcy! The loan is for somewhere between 2 and 4 times what the property is worth, and they probably don’t want to acknowledge that.
• (And BTW, the Home Owners’ Association has begun the process of foreclosure for non-payment of HOA dues. I’m guessing no one’s paying the property taxes, either.)
Everyone is either unwilling or legally unable to do anything. I’ve got the flu, but it seems like I’m the only one who cares.
So I haul my flu-ridden butt out of bed on the coldest evening of the year to drive down to San Jose (about an hour each way) to try to find the owner. My husband, Kosta, doesn’t want me to go alone for safety reasons, and I have to agree. Luckily, he's driving — but he's coming down with the flu, too.
We arrive at a solid home in a solid, middle class neighborhood, a neighborhood of 3 and 4 bedroom single family homes, built in the 60’s. The sort of neighborhood where everyone cuts their grass and most put up Christmas lights. The owner’s home fits in perfectly – well-maintained, lots of Christmas lights and other decorations. From the front door, you can see through lace café curtains into a tiled kitchen that looks like it was remodeled in the 80’s. In the family room, I can see a Rottweiler puppy asleep on a pile of blankets.
A 16 or 17 year old boy answered the door. When I introduce myself and ask him for his mom, he says, “She’s not here.”
“When will she be back?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
“Will she be back this evening?”
“I don’t know.”
We go around like this for a while, me trying to get something out of him, him evading. Wow! He must really be used to bill collectors… too bad, he seems like a nice kid, very polite. Finally, I tell him I was just going to wait outside till his mom got home.
So my husband and I stand at the foot of the short driveway, being careful to stand on public property in case he calls the cops. We debate what to do. Kosta wants to go get dinner, and I say, if we do that, you know she’ll come home while we’re gone, and we’ll miss our one chance to get to her before she shuts the garage door. But what if she's already inside, and he was lying? What good would waiting do then? Would it be better to leave, and come back at 5AM, and wait for her to leave to go to work? Yes, it would mean another trip, but we’d be sure to find her, and more warmly dressed, to boot.
5AM seemed like the surest plan, but I have to try one more time at the door, just in case he was lying, and Mom is home. What if he doesn’t answer the door? Well, there's nothing to lose.
He answers the door, and this time, offers to get his Dad. This, it turns out, is a major stroke of luck!
It turns out that although Mom is the owner of the unit, it was really Dad’s idea – Mom never wanted to buy it in the first place. In fact, Mom is pissed at Dad, because it’s ruining her credit.
Dad, it turns out, is in the real estate business – sales, mortgage lending, and property management. In 2005 and 2006, he brought home $700k each, and bought property all over the country, fairly indiscriminately, figuring the good times would continue to roll, property would continue to appreciate, and he’d be able to service all the negative cash flow out of his earnings.
We all know how that turned out. 2 of Dad’s 3 businesses are down 95% since 2006. (Care to guess which 2?) The property values have plummeted, as well, so now he is under water, with negative cash flow and no way to service he debt on his greatly diminished income. What’s more, when business went south, the first people he let go were the accounting department, so his records are a mess and he can’t find anything. Eventually, he let everyone go, so he is the only person there, trying to unwind the mess, to salvage the properties where the lenders will do the loan modifications, so that he has some cash coming in, and let the rest go.
He actually doesn’t think he still owns the unit! He thinks it has been foreclosed upon. I tell him that we think they are selling drugs out of the unit. As a real estate broker, he knows that once he knows, he’s responsible to do something. When I say to him that now he's on notice, I actually see him wince – and so does my husband.
So we leave it that I'll send him all the information I have, all the contacts, who to call to do the eviction, the cops cell phones, everything, and he’ll keep me in the loop. I’m not sure that’s good enough, but it’s all I can do for now.
It's nothing fancy, an 800sf front ground floor unit in one of those McKeon four-plexes that sprung up all over CA in the 70's. (McKeon was the builder who figured out how to do condominia.) The neighborhood is nothing fancy, either, a neighborhood of small working class families, the elderly and the disabled, mostly owner-occupied units, but some rentals, too.
My unit is cute, in a cottage-y sort of way, looking out on a front lawn, and it only has one wall in common with any other units. The drawback to it, however, is that the windows of both bedrooms, one at the right of the unit, and one at the left, each look out on the front entrance to a side unit in the building. This means that your neighbor's ingress and egress habits may affect your sleep. This is the genesis of my adventures in SubPrimeLand.
The neighbors in the unit to the right of mine are the neighbors from hell (NFH). The single mom and her son were Section 8 tenants (more on that later). The mom, a white woman in her early 30’s, was on disability for brain damage due to a car accident 10 or so years ago. But somehow, she managed to do all sorts of jobs for her landlord, cleaning and painting vacant apartments to get them on the market -- for cash, of course. Her mother was living with her, along with a series of unsavory boyfriends, at least one of whom went to prison as a drug dealer. (Of course, none of these 'guests' were allowed by the Section 8 rules.) She managed to store so much stuff in her half of our shared garage that my tenants complained of being unable to use their half. When I personally moved some of the stuff, after repeated requests fell on deaf ears, she called the cops on me! Her vicious dog attacked her (better her than anyone else) and tore her arm up so badly that she spent the night in the hospital, with hundreds of stitches, and the cops had to shoot the dog. Of course, she immediately got a new dog.
The owner was a good friend of mine. He maintained the unit, but never fixed it up, so it had ratty carpet, worn linoleum and old appliances. But it was good enough for Section 8. My pleas to him to get rid of the NFH fell on deaf ears – the Section 8 money kept coming, and he used her to do those other apartment clean outs. But he did have a good rapport with her, and could manage her somewhat.
He sold the unit in the spring of ’07 (smart man!) to another investor. He told me who it was, and I called her to warn her about the tenant, and to see if we could work together, checking on each other’s units if we were in the neighborhood (she lives in San Jose), etc. I never did hear from her, though.
Comes the Spring of ’08, and my last tenant moved out for personal reasons. It was 2 middle-aged sisters, tough old birds, one of whom managed rentals for a living, and so they could deal with the NFH okay. These ladies told me that the NFH had received a 30 day notice to quit, and would be leaving a couple of days after them.
Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.
My new tenants are quite nice and very reliable. They are a mother, who is a retired public health nurse, and her adult daughter, who is back in college full time after a divorce. After a couple of months, they began to complain about the behavior of the now teenaged son next door (remember, the TFH was a single mom) and his friends. The kids were smoking on my tenants’ front steps, making noise at all hours of the day and night. To make matters worse, the mom had moved out of the unit, and into the fourth unit of the fourplex, the one at the back, over the garage, with her new boyfriend (having broken up his former relationship), leaving her son alone in the side unit.
I told them to call the cops, which they did – repeatedly. But nothing happened.
When my tenants told me that the mom and her boyfriend had been evicted from the back unit, departing for parts unknown, leaving the son in the side unit, I called my attorney to tell him. He said, tell the cops that there is an unsupervised minor in there, and they’ll do something. So I did, and I called Child Protective Services, too, for good measure. The police did do a welfare check, finding that the minor had a 21 year old male with him! Not a good sign. And with an adult in there, the police could do nothing. This brought the TFH back, to harrass my tenants.
Meanwhile, I’d been calling and emailing the owner, to no avail. She wouldn’t answer my calls or my emails. I do know she got the emails, though, because they didn’t bounce.
Now my tenants were threatening to break their lease. I can’t afford to have my unit vacant. And now, I’ve created so much animosity with the TFH that I’m afraid that if it’s vacant for even a day, my unit will be vandalized.
So I’m desperate. Why is no one doing anything?
Here’s why:
• The TFH has not been evicted, despite its Section 8 status being revoked, so that no rent was coming in. Why wouldn’t you evict a tenant for non-payment of rent?
• Here’s why: The owners don’t care because the unit is in foreclosure. A notice of default was filed in the spring of 2008. It only takes 90 days to foreclose, so that should have happened a long time ago. Why didn’t the trustee’s sale happen?
• Here’s why: The lender is in bankruptcy! The loan is for somewhere between 2 and 4 times what the property is worth, and they probably don’t want to acknowledge that.
• (And BTW, the Home Owners’ Association has begun the process of foreclosure for non-payment of HOA dues. I’m guessing no one’s paying the property taxes, either.)
Everyone is either unwilling or legally unable to do anything. I’ve got the flu, but it seems like I’m the only one who cares.
So I haul my flu-ridden butt out of bed on the coldest evening of the year to drive down to San Jose (about an hour each way) to try to find the owner. My husband, Kosta, doesn’t want me to go alone for safety reasons, and I have to agree. Luckily, he's driving — but he's coming down with the flu, too.
We arrive at a solid home in a solid, middle class neighborhood, a neighborhood of 3 and 4 bedroom single family homes, built in the 60’s. The sort of neighborhood where everyone cuts their grass and most put up Christmas lights. The owner’s home fits in perfectly – well-maintained, lots of Christmas lights and other decorations. From the front door, you can see through lace café curtains into a tiled kitchen that looks like it was remodeled in the 80’s. In the family room, I can see a Rottweiler puppy asleep on a pile of blankets.
A 16 or 17 year old boy answered the door. When I introduce myself and ask him for his mom, he says, “She’s not here.”
“When will she be back?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
“Will she be back this evening?”
“I don’t know.”
We go around like this for a while, me trying to get something out of him, him evading. Wow! He must really be used to bill collectors… too bad, he seems like a nice kid, very polite. Finally, I tell him I was just going to wait outside till his mom got home.
So my husband and I stand at the foot of the short driveway, being careful to stand on public property in case he calls the cops. We debate what to do. Kosta wants to go get dinner, and I say, if we do that, you know she’ll come home while we’re gone, and we’ll miss our one chance to get to her before she shuts the garage door. But what if she's already inside, and he was lying? What good would waiting do then? Would it be better to leave, and come back at 5AM, and wait for her to leave to go to work? Yes, it would mean another trip, but we’d be sure to find her, and more warmly dressed, to boot.
5AM seemed like the surest plan, but I have to try one more time at the door, just in case he was lying, and Mom is home. What if he doesn’t answer the door? Well, there's nothing to lose.
He answers the door, and this time, offers to get his Dad. This, it turns out, is a major stroke of luck!
It turns out that although Mom is the owner of the unit, it was really Dad’s idea – Mom never wanted to buy it in the first place. In fact, Mom is pissed at Dad, because it’s ruining her credit.
Dad, it turns out, is in the real estate business – sales, mortgage lending, and property management. In 2005 and 2006, he brought home $700k each, and bought property all over the country, fairly indiscriminately, figuring the good times would continue to roll, property would continue to appreciate, and he’d be able to service all the negative cash flow out of his earnings.
We all know how that turned out. 2 of Dad’s 3 businesses are down 95% since 2006. (Care to guess which 2?) The property values have plummeted, as well, so now he is under water, with negative cash flow and no way to service he debt on his greatly diminished income. What’s more, when business went south, the first people he let go were the accounting department, so his records are a mess and he can’t find anything. Eventually, he let everyone go, so he is the only person there, trying to unwind the mess, to salvage the properties where the lenders will do the loan modifications, so that he has some cash coming in, and let the rest go.
He actually doesn’t think he still owns the unit! He thinks it has been foreclosed upon. I tell him that we think they are selling drugs out of the unit. As a real estate broker, he knows that once he knows, he’s responsible to do something. When I say to him that now he's on notice, I actually see him wince – and so does my husband.
So we leave it that I'll send him all the information I have, all the contacts, who to call to do the eviction, the cops cell phones, everything, and he’ll keep me in the loop. I’m not sure that’s good enough, but it’s all I can do for now.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Free call on how to avoid holiday stress
This Friday. Dec. 12, at 4PM PST, I'm going to be part of a free teleclass, "How people Who Seem to Always Have th Holidays Under Control Deal with Holiday Stress".
I'll be sharing how I managed an elegant, festive, sit down, 5 course Thanksgiving dinner for 18 (my dining room table seats 6, period) -- and had fun doing it! 4 other women, including the mother of a large family, a personal organizer and the founders of a wellness center and education/training facility will be sharing their insights and ideas about how to manage the multiple priorites, extra activities, community needs, emotional effects of the season -- and enjoy the holidays yourself!
Each of us has a unique perspective on the holidays:
- Sue is the mother of a large family, a professional, and an active community volunteer who always manages to do many things well and simultaneously. Sue is a wealth of many kinds of information, wisdom and practical solutions. She's raised four children, has eight grandchildren and has been a foster parent to many more from various backgrounds and cultures.
- Chris and Julie are co-founders of NewLogic Solutions in San Jose, CA, a wellness center and education and training facility. Julie is a Breakthrough Expert, Creator of Energy Grid Healing™ and Certified Trainer who enjoys helping professional women over 40 achieve their impossible. Chris is a registered nurse who has been trained in both Western and Eastern medicine and has been educating individuals for over 25 years on ways to listen to their bodies and reduce stress. Chris and Julie are a wealth of insights on many topics relating to clearing and healing. Find out more at their website,
- Debbie is a personal organizer who designs customized filing systems for her clients' business and personal needs. She helps them get back into control. She can also help people feel more in control of the holidays and she'll share some secrets about how.
I'd love it if you would attend the call. You can do so by clicking here to register. We want to be sure that we have enough phone ports available for everyone who wants to hear what we have to say.
Please note that the call is at 4 pm Pacific time despite what the registration website say.
Each of us has a unique perspective on the holidays:
- Sue is the mother of a large family, a professional, and an active community volunteer who always manages to do many things well and simultaneously. Sue is a wealth of many kinds of information, wisdom and practical solutions. She's raised four children, has eight grandchildren and has been a foster parent to many more from various backgrounds and cultures.
- Chris and Julie are co-founders of NewLogic Solutions in San Jose, CA, a wellness center and education and training facility. Julie is a Breakthrough Expert, Creator of Energy Grid Healing™ and Certified Trainer who enjoys helping professional women over 40 achieve their impossible. Chris is a registered nurse who has been trained in both Western and Eastern medicine and has been educating individuals for over 25 years on ways to listen to their bodies and reduce stress. Chris and Julie are a wealth of insights on many topics relating to clearing and healing. Find out more at their website,
- Debbie is a personal organizer who designs customized filing systems for her clients' business and personal needs. She helps them get back into control. She can also help people feel more in control of the holidays and she'll share some secrets about how.
I'd love it if you would attend the call. You can do so by clicking here to register. We want to be sure that we have enough phone ports available for everyone who wants to hear what we have to say.
Please note that the call is at 4 pm Pacific time despite what the registration website say.
Monday, December 08, 2008
How to have stress-free holidays
I had a festive, elegant, sit-down, 5 course dinner for 18. Oh, plus 2 dogs, one of whom showed up out of the blue. Luckily my cats were quite gracious.
My dining room table seats 6. Period. Therefore, this involved
- putting the living room furniture (or most of it) in the dining area
- putting the dining room table, the kitchen table and a patio table in the living room
- taking the kitchen door off its hinges to move the kitchen table into the living room, and of course replacing it
- getting some plates, glasses & sliver from my mother, who lives 45 minutes away — because who has service for 18?
- setting up 3 buffets, along with the 3 eating tables
- sewing chair covers onto the patio chairs that I have to use to seat that many
- putting up seasonal decorations
- and of course, the cooking, all in a 2 butt kitchen (the functional part is a galley, about 12 feet long) and the cleaning
And not only did everyone have a great time, but that also included me!
Here’s what I know that makes this possible:
* Plan ahead
I keep notes each year on what worked and what didn’t, and because I know where those notes are, along with all the recipes, which are kept with the notes, the event gets better each year.
THIS is the reason for ritual — you repeat what works, and discard what doesn’t. Plus when at least some of the guests know what to expect (like gong around the table, saying what we are thankful for before the meal), everyone will relax.
Remember, no one notices, or cares, that anything is perfect — or even that the house is clean. They care that the food is decent, and the company fun. No one will ever look at your floor.
My dining room table seats 6. Period. Therefore, this involved
- putting the living room furniture (or most of it) in the dining area
- putting the dining room table, the kitchen table and a patio table in the living room
- taking the kitchen door off its hinges to move the kitchen table into the living room, and of course replacing it
- getting some plates, glasses & sliver from my mother, who lives 45 minutes away — because who has service for 18?
- setting up 3 buffets, along with the 3 eating tables
- sewing chair covers onto the patio chairs that I have to use to seat that many
- putting up seasonal decorations
- and of course, the cooking, all in a 2 butt kitchen (the functional part is a galley, about 12 feet long) and the cleaning
And not only did everyone have a great time, but that also included me!
Here’s what I know that makes this possible:
* Plan ahead
- I get the stuff from Mom a couple of weeks early, when I happen to be near her house,
- shopping is Saturday before Thanksgiving
- usually, I start moving furniture and cooking Sunday before Thanksgiving (this year on Monday, though I screwed up the guest count and had to do it all over again on Wednesday, after the tables were set)
- do a little cooking and/or moving every day, with the bulk on Wednesday afternoon
- I work to a written plan, and can therefore delegate
- I have a box that has all the linens
- I have those Teflon furniture moving pads, and I know where they are, too
- the kitchen door was courtesy of my brother-in-law, who is in construction
- while I do the bulk of the cooking, a sister-in-law helps on Wednesday, each woman brings a dish we agree upon in advance, and Kosta monitors the turkey
I keep notes each year on what worked and what didn’t, and because I know where those notes are, along with all the recipes, which are kept with the notes, the event gets better each year.
THIS is the reason for ritual — you repeat what works, and discard what doesn’t. Plus when at least some of the guests know what to expect (like gong around the table, saying what we are thankful for before the meal), everyone will relax.
Remember, no one notices, or cares, that anything is perfect — or even that the house is clean. They care that the food is decent, and the company fun. No one will ever look at your floor.
Is emotional contagion leading worsening the economic problems?
There is a kind of emotional contagion afoot. James H. Fowler, an associate professor at the University of California, San Diego, recently co-wrote a study looking at how happiness can be spread among friends. The opposite is true as well.
“There are studies on bank runs, and it shows that people who know others who have taken their money out of the bank are much more likely to do it as well,” he said. “We always overshoot the upside and, because of the same contagious effects, we overshoot the downside. Everything is fine, and then all of the sudden we are looking for water and supplies to ride out the coming storm.”
from today's NY Times
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Strangers May Cheer You Up, Study Says - NYTimes.com
A slightly different take on the study that was reported in the WaPo.
Strangers May Cheer You Up, Study Says - NYTimes.com
Strangers May Cheer You Up, Study Says - NYTimes.com
Friday, December 05, 2008
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Why ritual?
When I was a kid, ritual was something boring that happened in a church or synagogue, that had nothing to do with me -- and no point that I could see.
When I was first an active real estate broker, I had the good fortune to have a buyer client who needed to get out of a purchase contract on a perfectly good condominium (and I do mean perfect -- the contractor's inspection, for once, found exactly nothing wrong). I thought to call a feng shui expert (this was before almost anyone had heard of feng shui), and the expert got her out of the contract because the location of the condo was bad, and incurable.
A while later, when she bought a townhouse nearby, he inspected again, and then did a house blessing ritual immediately upon closing. That was eye opening! We stood in the tiny garden, and said different prayers over a vase she'd bought to put in the entry hall. I psychically saw different colors stream into the vase with the different prayers! When I checked with the expert later, the colors did, in fact, match the colors associated with the 'deities' for each prayer! So that's what ritual objects were meant to be -- objects that carried spiritual energy! And the point of that ritual was to bring those energies into the house.
This year's Thanksgiving, an elegant, sit down dinner for 18, taught me even more about ritual: what it is, and why it is. Every year, after Thanksgiving, I write notes about what worked and what didn't, along with ideas about how to make things go more smoothly. I take photos of the set up, too -- table placement for however many there are that year, place setting, etc. I keep all the once-a-year recipes with those notes, too. So each year, Thanksgiving gets easier for me, and more fun for my family and friends. I've learned that we should go around the tables, each saying what we're thankful for before we pass out the soup. I've learned that kids make great soup plate runners, serving diners while I ladle soup in the kitchen, that turkey cooks surprisingly fast at 500 degrees, and that a bus bucket in the kitchen keeps clean up much more organized.
OMG, that's a ritual! Rituals are just ways of doing things that work, so you do them the same way, over and over. Not only are they effective, but they also help people know what to expect, which makes everyone comfortable. I think the problem with the church/synagogue rituals to which I was exposed as a kid was that they had in some way outlived their usefulness -- or that the true spirituality behind the form had been lost over time.
When I was first an active real estate broker, I had the good fortune to have a buyer client who needed to get out of a purchase contract on a perfectly good condominium (and I do mean perfect -- the contractor's inspection, for once, found exactly nothing wrong). I thought to call a feng shui expert (this was before almost anyone had heard of feng shui), and the expert got her out of the contract because the location of the condo was bad, and incurable.
A while later, when she bought a townhouse nearby, he inspected again, and then did a house blessing ritual immediately upon closing. That was eye opening! We stood in the tiny garden, and said different prayers over a vase she'd bought to put in the entry hall. I psychically saw different colors stream into the vase with the different prayers! When I checked with the expert later, the colors did, in fact, match the colors associated with the 'deities' for each prayer! So that's what ritual objects were meant to be -- objects that carried spiritual energy! And the point of that ritual was to bring those energies into the house.
This year's Thanksgiving, an elegant, sit down dinner for 18, taught me even more about ritual: what it is, and why it is. Every year, after Thanksgiving, I write notes about what worked and what didn't, along with ideas about how to make things go more smoothly. I take photos of the set up, too -- table placement for however many there are that year, place setting, etc. I keep all the once-a-year recipes with those notes, too. So each year, Thanksgiving gets easier for me, and more fun for my family and friends. I've learned that we should go around the tables, each saying what we're thankful for before we pass out the soup. I've learned that kids make great soup plate runners, serving diners while I ladle soup in the kitchen, that turkey cooks surprisingly fast at 500 degrees, and that a bus bucket in the kitchen keeps clean up much more organized.
OMG, that's a ritual! Rituals are just ways of doing things that work, so you do them the same way, over and over. Not only are they effective, but they also help people know what to expect, which makes everyone comfortable. I think the problem with the church/synagogue rituals to which I was exposed as a kid was that they had in some way outlived their usefulness -- or that the true spirituality behind the form had been lost over time.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Vital Signs - Regimens - For the Best Pick-Me-Up, Lie Down - NYTimes.com
I've taken an afternoon nap most afternoons since I came down with what is now called CFIDS 25+ years ago. I can actually feel my brain fade (though it's not as often theses days) -- and nothing but a nap ever seemed to help. Turns out I'm not alone:
Vital Signs - Regimens - For the Best Pick-Me-Up, Lie Down - NYTimes.com
Vital Signs - Regimens - For the Best Pick-Me-Up, Lie Down - NYTimes.com
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