Wednesday, October 25, 2006

What's YOUR story?

We all tell ourselves stories of our lives, all the time, and we live out those stories. When I think back over all the people I've talked to over the years, each one of them has a story. One woman had an abusive mom, and struggles daily to avoid becoming an abuser. Another woman was molested as a child, and has never had a truly satisfying relationship with a man. The story generally comes down to this:

* Somebody done me wrong
* I'm bad/defective/incapable/hopeless
* I feel afraid/angry/sad (and it's stopping me?)
* I want to feel better
* I don't know what to do

The characters in the story generally are:

* Victim
* Victimizer/villain
* Rescuer/hero

And often the speaker sees him- or herself as the victim, that is, (s)he is telling the story from the victim’s point of view.

Are you telling your story from the victim’s point of view? What if you rewrote your story? What if you were the hero instead of the victim? (Because no one wants to see him or herself as the villain in his or her own story.)

A hero isn't someone whose life is perfect. Think of Raiders of the Lost Ark... Indiana Jones just got out ALIVE after he stole the bag of jewels from its cave hiding place, with that enormous boulder crashing towards him. It wasn’t easy; it wasn’t fun (for him). And there wasn’t any glory, at least not at that point. The hero is someone who, like Indy, gets through the tough stuff -- that’s all — gets through it, gets out alive. What if all those "someone done me wrong" items weren't the actions of villains, but obstacles on your hero's journey?

So instead your story would be

* I faced an obstacle -- because my soul set up a challenge/learning situation
* I am capable/whole/learning
* I feel how I feel -- and am carrying on despite that
* I choose to feel better, and am learning the tools for that
* Somewhere inside me, I do/did know what to do -- because I'm still here

Now the former abused child lets go of her identity as a victim, and instead sees that perhaps she came into this incarnation wanting to learn compassion. She see that she is learning this, however slowly, that she often feels angry and hurt, but that she is working every day to treat people kindly. She is learning to meditate and let go of her justified anger at what happened in her childhood. And that the simple fact that she continues to do this every day is her hero’s journey, that she does know what to do, maybe not in every instance, but in more and more situations every day. And as she lives out that more empowering story, every day she has more choices.

What happens when you rewrite your story?

Friday, October 13, 2006

Not so foggy...

I’m honestly not feeling very profound this week, so I thought I’d just share an insight, or perhaps it’s more of a reminder of something we all know, from an experience I had this weekend.

First, a little background: I live in the Bay Area, which is famous for its microclimates. That is, the weather can be very different just a few miles away than it is where you are. Thus the concept of the “sunny neighborhood”, as opposed to a cloudy or foggy or windy one, which completely blew my mind when I first moved here. The fog, when it’s in, tends to leave by noon and come in again in the late afternoon. But this is early October, when fog is rare, and the weather tends to be more alike around the Bay Area than not, except for the temperature which can vary depending on how close you are to water.

Sunday was a magnificent day in our neighborhood — cloudless blue sky, 70ish weather, no wind (and wind is generally a precursor of fog/cold weather, as well as an indicator that it’s foggy to the north and/or west). It was much too nice to stay inside, so I worked for a while in the yard, and then by mid afternoon just wanted to be out in nature. One of the closest big swaths of nature, perhaps 5 miles north, on the other side of a north-south ridge between my home and the beach, is San Francisco’s 7 mile long Ocean Beach, which makes for great hiking. I chose to go there. As I headed north along the ridge, it got gloomier and gloomier, and windier and windier, as the fog moved in for the evening. It was not looking like a lot of fun. So I turned around.

Not one to give up easily, I thought that perhaps the beach in Pacifica, due west from my home, would be better. As I headed back south along the ridge, I could see that the marine fog layer seemed to extend to the beach, but it was a little hard to tell because the view was obstructed by natural and man-made structures. So I thought I’d go down the winding road from the ridge to the beach, just to see better. As I got lower and lower, it became more apparent that the fog did indeed extend to the beach, but by now I was so far down the winding road that I’d have to go to the end to turn around. And oddly, there was no wind. By now I’d been in the car so long that I needed to stretch my legs, and it didn’t seem too cold, so I got out and walked along the mile long curve of Linda Mar beach. As I reached the cliffs at the far end from where I’d parked, I realized that the fog had lifted and it was a beautiful, warm, sunny day! (And remember, fog normally comes IN in the afternoon!)

The lesson is this: be clear about what you want ( a pleasant hike), not attached to how it shows up (Ocean Beach vs. Linda Mar beach), keep plugging away toward it, and be willing to change course if it looks like what you want isn’t exactly in the direction you expected. The universe may just line up to give you what you want.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Waaay cool thing happened...

Last night, well, really early this morning, probably around 4AM, i had to get up to let the cat out. (I've learned the smelly and expensive way that i must heed this particular yowl/scratching.) The way i fall back asleep in the middle of the night is to do my standard trance/meditation induction, but in a sleeping position. This includes asking my guides to be here with me. Immediately after i did this, it occurred to me that they might want to hear the rain, which i find a lovely sound when it is steady and not wind-driven.

Flashback #1: About 10 years ago, I was at a wedding reception in a restaurant on top of a high-rise in SF. Hardly knew anyone, and I'm actually kind of shy, so i went to the windows looking west to watch the panoramic sunset. i asked my guides what they thought, and they said thank you to me, because they don't have physical eyes, and can only see the earth's beauty through ours. So now, when i see something beautiful, i invite them to have a look.

Flashback #2: A few weeks ago, when my husband was up in Mt. Shasta with a group calling ETs, i seem to have gotten some new guides, who prefer to be called "high beings" rather than ETs. My husband and some others, who were out in an unlit field, miles from anything, at night, took flashlit digital photos of each other. There are 2 of him. in the first, he's just standing there. then he asked the photographer to wait a moment while he called the ETs. He sent them love and asked them to show up. the next photo is of him surrounded by translucent white/gold globes, so many that it is as if you are looking through a bubble bath at him.

Back to this morning: When i invited my "friends" in, i could psychically see myself surrounded by bubbles, and there was a marvelous peaceful, loving feeling around me. Ahhhh...