Ways to Handle the Holidays without Shopping

"Peace on Earth

Good Will to Men"

I don't know about you, but I don't see anything about shopping in that statement. I'm also opposed to buying things for people just because we're conditioned to do so. I mean, I love to give people presents -- what they need, when they need it, or something they'd love, when I see it -- but just because the calendar says so? I think not. (I make an exception here for kids, especially at this season, for a few reasons. First, seeing their faces light up. Second, Santa Klaus/Kris Kringle/Saint Nicolas did traditionally give kids small gifts, as well as stories of the three wise men bringing gifts to baby Jesus, so there is long tradition here.)

That said, I have to say that I'm lucky, in that my extended family either feels the same way, or at least understands that I do, and doesn't insist on a huge gift exchange. I don't remember when that shift happened, as I think the gift giving just sort of faded away.

What do you do if your family does insist? Here are a few ideas:

• Talk to other family members about your preferences
• Suggest that each family member draw the name of one other family member out of a hat, and then only get a gift for that one person.
• Suggest a 'white elephant' gift exchange, where each person brings something they have but don't want or need to give to a name drawn out of a hat at a gathering. People can trade gifts after the official exchange.
• Agree upon a dollar limit to each gift.
• Instead of gifts, make coupons for your services:
• Are you a great cook? Offer to make a meal for the recipient. 
• Are you handy? Offer a few hours of 'fix-it' services. 
• Does someone have small kids? Offer a few hours of babysitting. 

• Make a gift of food. 
• If you have a baking specialty, make that (my sister-in-law makes the world's best baklava, and there are small plates of it, cut into small squares and wrapped in paper frills, all over her kitchen, destined for many, many people -- apparently one pan feeds a crowd). 
• There are a bunch of simple recipes here. 
• Even if you can't bake, you can mix up a batch of soup mix (here's the recipe) and package it, along with the other things needed to make soup. When your recipient makes the soup, she/he will think of you fondly. Who doesn't like soup?

• Give your own art and/or crafts.
• Use your photos to make calendars -- there are lots of online services that will do this. Everyone needs a calendar -- and what's better than photos that are meaningful to the recipient? You could recent family photos, vacation photos, and old family photos scanned into digital form. You can also personalize the calendars to include family birth dates or other significant events. 

• If you aren't creative at all, and you still must give presents, here are a couple of ideas:
• Give a service (massage, psychic reading, etc. -- yes, call me at 888-446-5547 to set that up)
• Give something made in America --www.etsy.com has lots of things made by crafters right here in the US (but you do have to look, not everything is made here)

I WIsh You a Merry Solstice!

I wish you a Merry Solstice

I wish you a Merry Solstice

I wish you a Merry Solstice

and a Happy New Year!

(sung to the tune of 'I Wish You a Merry Christmas')

Our winter solstice traditions come from the millenia before we had electricity, which is to say, before there was electric light, let alone radio, television, or the internet, and before there was central heating. That meant that in the darkest, coldest time of the year, about all there was to do in the long winter nights (and if you live in the far north, night goes on for weeks) was gather around the fire, talk, sing, eat, drink and have sex. So all our traditions come from that -- candles on a tree for more light, carols and stories to entertain us and the kids, good food and drink, mistletoe. 

Enjoy your solstice tonight!

A Baker's Dozen of Tips for Pushing Stress Away at the Holidays

A few years ago, I was privileged to be part of a conversation of wise women about how to manage the holidays so that you can actually enjoy them. It turned out that there were common themes -- that we'd all gradually discovered the same things. Here they are:

1)    Know what’s important to you about the holidays -- For one friend, it's the spiritual aspect of this season, so that she can constantly remind herself of it and put the rest into perspective. For another, it's simply time with the family, to enjoy each other, so that they have happy memories. Be clear about what’s important to you and build traditions around what you value.

 2)    Find opportunities to serve other families and help other people -- Research shows this will increase your happiness, as well as others. I know one family who adopts a family to help each year. Their children are a part of this too, and they say it adds meaning to their celebration of the holidays.

3)    Keep it simple  -- One acquaintance says, "When our children were growing up, Our tradition was to give each of our children 1 new outfit of clothes, 1 book and 1 toy for Christmas. Now that our children have their own families they tell us that they now understand and appreciate their own childhood traditions even more."

4)    Make a list and stick to it  -- Do what you say you’ll do and don’t be tempted to do more than you’ve agreed to.

5)    Keep a binder of resources in one spot -- The binder could include a gift list, recipes, task list, projects, mailing list for holiday cards, directions for making decorations, locations of stored items.  It also helps to keep special things you use for the holidays in one place (e.g. linens, pans, decorations).

6)    Plan ahead – Do as much as you can during the days before your celebration. Only do what absolutely has to be done at the last minute on the day of the celebration. Having a written plan is essential. 

 7)    Do what works -- There’s no need to reinvent what you do every year for the holidays. If something you’ve done before has worked (e.g. a recipe, a seating arrangement, decorations) keep doing it. Include what works in your written plan. Having components of your celebration that you repeat becomes a part of the tradition and people look forward to traditions and annual “rituals”.

8)    Delegate wherever possible -- As the old saying goes, “many hands make light work.” Everyone wants to help and be a part of the celebration, even small children. Other people have talents and skills that you don’t. You really can't do it all -- at least not if you want to be healthy, sane and have some fun yourself! If you need babysitting so you can shop, ask for that. If you need help moving furniture, ask for that. One particular case of this is:

 9) Have others bring food -- Even if you’re not hosting a potluck, others enjoy contributing food to a holiday celebration. They feel more a part of the celebration if they've contributed -- and food is a particularly primal way to contribute.

10)  No One Cares What Your House Looks Like  -– Who is looking at whether the floor has been vacuumed? No one -- they're too busy with each other and the food and presents. Would you even want to hang around anyone to whom a clean floor is more important than the celebration? Again, an old saying works here: “The people that matter don’t mind and the people that mind don’t matter.”

11) Get support -- take care of yourself. Do something to feel supported, whether that's a massage or just time alone.

12) Set Good Boundaries -- What anyone thinks of you is none of your business. Stay away from people and places that stress you.

13)    Breathe -- Remember to breathe. Breathing brings you back into alignment.

Keeping the holidays under control

Okay, it's a little lat for this, at least for this year, but I was part of a recorded group conversation that my friend and radio host, Nina Price, did on how to enjoy the holidays. You can read the summary here:

http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#/note.php?note_id=52293441788&ref=nf