How to have a great Valentine’s Day – Next Year

First, you can have a great Valentine's Day this year by just expressing your love for your friends and family. Make cards, make phone calls, give cookies that say "I love you". There are a thousand ways to say, "I love you" and one of them, or maybe several of them, will be right for you.

But I'm assuming that for you, having a great Valentine's day can means having a Valentine, having a great relationship with a great partner. So how do you create that in your life? You do it in 3 simple steps:

1. Know what you want in a mate and in a relationship:

- What have you liked in former mates/partners?
- What do you like about your friends?
- What have you like about your relationships?
- What do you like about your friends’ partners?

Take your time! Keep adding to the list ove the course of a week or so. External characteristics, like age, height, weight, or parental status, often come up first, but keep thinking. What qualities do you want? Kindness? Centeredness? Honesty? And how will you know that your potential partner has these qualities? And list the qualities even if they're not PC. The qualities are what YOU want, not what it's cool to want. If race or religion matters to you, then specify it.

Think of EVERYTHING you want. if you want someone who plays pool, or eats meat, or plays racquetball, add it to the list! Because the one thing you forget is the one thing that will be missing. If you want him or her to bring you coffee in bed in the morning, add it to the list.

2. What do I do about what I don’t want?

Turn it into a positive – "no drugs/ alcohol" becomes "clean and sober". Sometimes this takes a bit of thinking. When you say "non-smoker", do you mean someone who has never smoked, or an ex-smoker? Or do you say, someone who has always respected his/her body.

3. Boy, I sure want a lot – do I narrow it down?

Yes and no. Organize the list into 3 groups:

- Have to have, i.e. deal breaker
- Important, but if a couple are missing, I’ll deal with it
- Nice to have, but if most are missing, it’s okay

4. What do I do once I know what I want?

Turn the must have list into an affirmation, a positive, present tense statement of what you want, as if it already existed. It should include not only the description of your partner, but also a description of your relationship. Again, take your time with this, and know that the affirmation may shift over time. That's okay.

Do the affirmation every day.

Use the list, including the rest of the list, as a kind of screen – you’ll know if you want someone who is kind, and he snarls at dogs, or puts down your best friend, it’s probably a good one to pass on.

5. Ask yourself, "Who do I have to be to attract this person and relationship?" and then be that person.