Who can you trust?

True confessions time: even with my healthy skepticism, even with all my intuitive abilities, even with my guides (who are a *lot* of help), sometimes I'm not sure if I can trust someone. It's hardest with people who are completely congruent, that is, they totally believe what they are saying --  they aren't lying, they're just wrong.

I do trades with a few people whose abilities & integrity I trust, some for psychic reading types of things, some for more NLP/hypnosis types of things. Some of these are very regular, some are very occasional; some are formal (I do a session for you, then you do a session for me), others are informal, more like conversations where we both bring all of our selves and all of our guides. Some are planned, others are accidental -- I have clairvoyant friends whom I'll call just to chat as friends do, and occasionally those conversations morph into a joint channeling session.

So last week, when I did a trade session with a friend I'll call Patrick, I had every expectation that things would go well. Our sessions are intended to be joint channeling ones, where each of us brings questions, and all of us answer. Patrick is an engineer by trade, with several patents in his name, trained in several spiritual traditions, so he is a smart, hardworking guy. He has only the best of intentions.

But something was really amiss. Patrick said, before we even started, that if I didn't do something (I don't remember what), he couldn't continue working with me. And he said it in a way that implied I'd be losing out if I didn't continue to work with him. That should have set off alarm bells. 

Given that this was a joint session, why did it feel like he was teaching me? And that he was not open to learning from me, at least not much. I had this 'one down' feeling, like he was somehow better than me.

I know from experience that he tends to be in his ego, that is, on a sort of power trip, and that everything is always 'not working out' for him. He's tried many ways to make extra money to solve a perennial financial problem; all of them seem to end with him fighting with someone, or him being 'taken'. Since I haven't looked at most of these situations, I don't know what really happened, but still, it should be a clue that something's off.

The problem is, he 'sees' some things I 'see' -- so I tend to expect that everything he 'sees', even the stuff I don't 'see' -- is right. That's just not true! No psychic is 100% accurate, no channel is 100% clear. Particularly with channeled information, you always have to filter the information through your own BS detector. (This, by the way, is a standard propaganda tactic -- mix the truth with lies, so it becomes more and more difficult to distinguish which is which.) 

More than that, he used his knowledge of my own greatest desires and greatest fears to get me to do what he said his guides told me to do. I'm not sure any of that 'channeled' instruction was true -- even though I believe he believes it.

So, how do I avoid this in the future? How do you? (And I'm not just talking about spiritual teacher here -- the pointers below are just as valid if you are hiring an accountant or a plumber.)

Here's what to watch out for:

• You feel coerced in some way -- The truth doesn't need coercion to succeed (Qaddafi needs guns to stay in power, the protesters, who have the moral right on their side will eventually win in any case).
• Something rings false - Maybe it feels wrong, or sounds wrong, or doesn't jibe with things of which you are sure. Time to check in with yourself.
• You are discouraged from thinking/evaluating for yourself -- By definition, anyone who says, "Trust me, I'm right" is not to be trusted. Sometimes this is simply the person's ego talking, and sometimes it is an intention to disempower you, or cheat you. (This last comes from a friend with whom I shared my story -- she had a much more toxic experience with a 'teacher'.)
• You feel bad about yourself -- Spiritual teachings for developed souls should not make you feel bad about yourself. That is the province of religious teachings (hellfire & brimstone) designed for less developed souls, who need clear lines drawn between right and wrong.

I'm going to take my own advice, and not work with Patrick unless/until I can find a way to do it safely. 

Updated Prayer for the World

After Libya began to get bloody, my guides would no longer join in with me when I did my daily prayer. (I used to her them chime in.) With their help, I have adjusted the prayer so as to minimize the killing. Here is the new version:

"My the hearts and minds of those in power be turned to the good of the Earth and her children, or may they be removed from temporal power quickly and permanently.


"May the Earth and her children rise up in peace and claim their birthright, their divinity, the ability to co-create peace, justice, abundance and freedom for all (including the deposed).


"My only those who have chosen martyrdom be the ones to die or be maimed."

I have to admit that there is a part of me that liked the old, simpler, somewhat stronger version better, but then again, I don't like to see people die unnecessarily.

If you like the prayer, please use it.

Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married

Great article -- very honest. And it explains in just a few words why women have to get to know a guy before they have sex:

Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married

(Thanks, Kimi, for alerting me to this.)

What do you choose to remember?

I began my daily walks in the late 1990s. Then FaceBook came along, and then I got an iPhone, so now, I can take a photo each day on my walk, and easily post it to FB. (If you'd like to see some, click here.)

Last weekend, my husband and I went to visit friends in Las Vegas -- well, technically N. Las Vegas. N. Las Vegas is a sort of sprawling suburb that was all built in the last building boom (90s? 00's?), the kind where large houses are placed on small lots inside defensive walls (what are they defending against?), with tract names like Hidden Gardens.  If you want to walk very far, you are forced to walk outside the defensive cement block walls on 6 lane boulevards with left turn turn-out lanes. (The photo to the left is what it looked like where I was walking.)

I went on my morning walk each day. You could
see lovely mountains in the distance, but partly because it's the desert and partly because of the walls and boulevards, and partly because the iPhone has no optical zoom, it was difficult to find something I really wanted to share on FB. I did, eventually manage this photo (on the right) by showing a lot of sky. I like it much better -- more peaceful, more beautiful.

And that's when it hit me: We have a choice about what to remember and how to remember it. We can choose to remember the unvarnished truth, up close and personal, or we can choose to remember the best version of an event -- or the worst. Yes, the large stretches of asphalt and the cement block walls are there, along with the power lines and street lights -- and we can choose to focus on the snow-covered mountains instead. (Or as our host said of my photos of The Strip, "You make it look so much better than it actually is.")

When you think back over your life, what are you choosing to remember? Are you choosing to remember every time you messed up, or every time you succeeded -- or both? Are you choosing to remember every time you were slighted, or every compliment paid to you, every kindness done to you? Or both? How do you hold the 'negatives': as a victim, or as things you can learn from? It's all your choice -- and one set of choices will make you happier than another. (BTW, it's possible to shift these memories -- if you'd like help, call me at 888-4-hollis.)

"Your Life, Your Relationships" from 2/16 is up on the web

For iTunes link and RSS feed, click here and scroll to the bottom of the page, then click on the link.

To listen and download directly from www.ProgressiveRadioNetwork.com, click here.

Info from "Your LIfe, Your Relationships" 2/16

Lee  Glickstein has published lots of tools to help you be more authentic and comfortable in front of an audience at www.speakingcricles.com .

You can reach Lee directly by emailing him at

lee@speakingcircles.com

How a Relationship Starts Predicts How It will Continue

Last week, my radio show guest (who helps me fill 20 minutes, so I'm not doing an entire hour all alone) was a no-show. Yeah, I was annoyed, partly at the guest, but partly at myself. I should have known better.

Every time I called the guest, it took 4 or 5 days for him to return my call. I actually gave up on having him on the show. But each time, he apologized for taking so long to get back to me. Anyway, I wanted someone who would cover his subject matter, non-violent communication, so I overlooked this issue.

On Monday, I sent him all the info I send everyone before the show, things like what they need to send me (a bio, e.g.) and when and how to call in. I know he got it, because he answered my questions by email (and I have copies of the emails). I got all that yesterday, and sent him an email reiterating the time and phone number. I don't typically remind people to call -- if they are professional enough to have done things that are worth talking about on my show, they should be professional enough to keep a calendar and use it. This has never been a problem before (and I did a weekly show with interviews for 3 years).

And what do you know? The guy who couldn't return my calls promptly didn't call in for his interview. Maybe there was some mix-up on his end, I don't know. But the relationship started off with him returning calls late -- and ended (at least for now) with him not showing up to an on-air phone appointment.

It reminds me of my first post-college job. I interviewed on campus with Arthur Andersen in November of my senior year at Princeton, and was thrilled when I got an interview at their offices in New York. I expected that at the end of the interview day, either I'd be offered a job, and feel great, or not be offered one and feel terrible.

That's not what happened. I had about 6 interviews -- and really enjoyed them. At the end of the day, they offered me a job. Then they leaned on me so hard to take it right then, which I refused to do, that I felt terrible. Job offer -- feel terrible. What's wrong with this picture?

In the end, I took the job. Big mistake! I was treated horribly for 2 years, as was everyone else with whom I worked.

The lesson: Be very aware of how you are treated at the beginning of the relationship, when the other party wants something from you, like PR or your body. If it's not good at that point, it isn't going to get better, when they have what they want. 

PS - The guest did email me the next morning to apologize. There was no good reason -- he just was working and... forgot! I accepted his apology, and I'm no longer upset, but I'm looking for someone else to talk about Non-Violent Communication on the show.  

Link from today's show (2/9/11)

This is a great book, with different ways brains can malfunction, questionnaires to tell if you are likely to have each of the malfunctions he describes, and simple interventions, like diet changes, for many of them.

Evidence for Homeopathy

The number of dis-eases for which homeopathy has been shown to work (studies published in peer-reviewed journals) is truly surprising, especially for Americans (homeopathy has been much more widely accepted in Europe than in the US).

Another Nobel prize winner, Brian Josephson, PH.D., professor emeritus at Cambridge University, described "how many scientists today suffer from "pathological disbelief;" that is, they maintain an unscientific attitude that is embodied by the statement "even if it were true I wouldn't believe it."

Dana Ullman: Luc Montagnier, Nobel Prize Winner, Takes Homeopathy Seriously

On a side note, it is sad that this groundbreaking research is being done in China, not the US.

How do you know what to do?

How do you know what to do? What the right course of action is?

Sometimes your body gives you clues. Here's what I mean:

My friend, Jenni, like so many people, is unemployed, and has been for over a year. She's managing by moving in with her elderly parents, and helping to take care of them while she looks for work.

One thing that buoys her spirits is the spiritual course/community she joined for the year. It meets weekly, is reasonably priced, and has helped her maintain a positive attitude. As part of the course, she was required to attend a retreat weekend, to which she readily agreed, though she didn't know how much it would cost. It turned out to cost $275, which, she said, was more than she'd spent on anything in over a year. She was committed, as it was part of the curriculum, and because she'd given her word, which she takes very seriously. She had an immediate visceral reaction, literally feeling sick to her stomach -- and that reaction recurred every time she thought about the retreat. She also found it hard to eat.

Finally, she couldn't stand the feeling any more, and got up the courage to explain her situation to the group leader. Of course the leader was sympathetic, and asked her what she could afford. She told him $125, to which he readily agreed. While that was still more than she'd spent on anything in the last year, she felt the money was well worth spending. And her digestive distress went away completely!

Here's another example:

I ask people I talk to casually to call my radio show if they have any relationship questions, because I do need callers, ideally about 5 per show -- hint, hint. (Oddly, though, the people who have called in are not the people I've asked.) So I asked Ben, whom I met at a party a few weeks ago to call in. He agreed to call that same week, and I was thrilled.

A few hours before the show began, he called to ask if it was okay if he didn't call in to the show, saying he was under pressure at work.His call surprised me --  I'd forgotten that he'd agreed, and anyway, if I had a dime for each time someone said they'd call and didn't, well, let's just say I wouldn't still be doing client sessions. Of course, I said it was fine if he didn't call.

Here's what he told me later: "I felt so much better after you let me off the hook, it was amazing! I had
walked down to my PO Box, and my head was pounding. My blood pressure has been going up and I'm sure this was a new record. The world looked dark. 

"When I make a commitment to someone, it's cast in stone, but I decided I should at least find out what my commitment meant to you, so I called. When you said it was fine if i didn't call the show, the day literally got brighter -- it was a beautiful day and I had not known that.

"Oh, and my head stopped pounding."

So here's the take-away: At a deep level, you know what you need. And since mind/body are one system, your body knows what's best. If you don't yet have a well-developed intuition, you can begin by listening to your body -- it will guide you to do what you need to generate positive results. 

On BlogTalk Radio in a few minutes

I'm a guest of Vanessa Scotto's Map2Self, whose show is all about empowering women. We'll be talking about developing your intuition. You can listen online or download later.