Here's what I've learned from this:
- The power of prime time television - I wasn't on the show; all I did was write a blog post about it. And yet my blog has gotten more hits in the last 2 days than in the last 6 months combined.
- The power of controversy - A radio talent manager told me years ago that you get better ratings by stirring up controversy than by being nice. (He's the person who convinced Dr. Laura to air her real comments rather than what he called, "happy talk" -- and the rating soared.) Wow, was he right.
- What you put out comes back to you, amplified - While I didn't say anything mean, I am apparently guilty by association. Stephen said mean things on screen, and so that energy comes back at him, his family and me, just for writing about it.
- People are willing to judge someone based on very little evidence - Obviously, they are willing to condemn a man's entire life and being based on part of 42 minutes of (edited) television. And of course, they know him better than people who have met him. Does anyone remember "judge not, lest ye be judged"?
- Once people have made up their minds, they don't want to hear anything that contradicts their judgment - Heaven forbid you should bring up a different side of the issue.
- A 'public' figure is not viewed as human - People apparently feel it is fine to say horrible things to people they have never met. They say things I'm sure they would never say to a friend or family member -- or even a stranger -- to his or her face. I'm an adult, and I can take it, but I'm beginning to feel sorry for the teenagers on American Idol, who must get all sorts of crap, at a time in their lives when they're very vulnerable. Therefore...
- If you are going to be 'public', you'd better have pretty thick skin. - The problem with this is that people who develop such thick skin then begin to ignore the negative comments and surround themselves with people they feel they can trust. If those people are sycophants, that 'public' figure begins to live in an isolated, unrealistic bubble.
- Loyalty is not valued - To say something positive about someone who is out of favor is not viewed as loyalty, but as being vile, or stupid.
- Listener, viewer, reader beware: freedom of speech does not mean you have to tell the truth, let alone be civil - I've read that it's illegal to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater, unless there is, in fact, a fire. But is is fine to threaten publicly, and to lie about the facts on the air. Of course, I should have learned this from the media darlings who make their living by spreading lies that feed hatred, but I get it at a deeper level now.
318 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 318 of 318Stephen believes in that inverse correlation.
If he's as smart as he was bragging then it should be hard to trap into a set up then, I would think. He would have kept his cool, tryed to show her part of his world that he didnt even try to do.
He lost it totally he went over the line that a man should never go over plan and simple. He laughed at her he got enjoyment out of how she talked and let her know it.
NO Excuse for him at all.
Perhaps I shouldn't have written that but it's less an insult than a factual statement.
Can't you be bothered to read through what you've written and edit it?
I write well.
Saphirz, there is sense in some of what you say.
But there is some excuse. People do things out of character when under duress. Don't forget there was a camera crew in the house all week. Eight people, I think he said. Enough to drive most people nuts.
Adam, are you a Brit?
I disagree. People actually do the opposite under duress, their true character comes to the forefront.
Ah Adam, you reveal your true colors. You are a Hobbesian!
Mother is British, spent summers with my Grandmother in Watford for the first 12 years of my life. Visit every year or so. I may apply to LSE after I finish my undergrad.
No, I'm a Marxist.
The promised land right here on earth.
I really don't care if you like my writing or not. That was a good way to change the subject at hand.
Been along time since Ive been in school or even worked and I do get lazy at times typing.
I agree with Adam, people show their colors under duress.
But as far as Renee said to yahoo he was role-playing, it was a game, which is it him under duress or playing agame??
Are you a Brit?
Saphirz,
Both, I think.
Stephen realized that if he was perfectly nice all week it would make lousy TV and so to some extent he adopted a persona and gave abc what they wanted, but with exasperation (and lack of sleep) it got out of hand.
A friend of mine once played the character Sir Toby Belch but afterward in the bar someone was incredibly rude to him. Still partly in character he calmly stubbed out his cigar on the dastardly chap's neck, something he would never normally do. Take on a role, a persona, and strange things happen. Reality TV is not reality.
That might be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Sir Toby Belch was a character who was played by an actor in a play. Stephen Fowler was a self played role. For your friend to still be in character at a pub or wherever he was means he is an absolute moron. I'm pretty sure Will Smith didn't go around town acting like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air after shooting multiple scenes daily.
I've only read the 12th Night, not a big Will Shake fan.
Wow, you hang out with some awfully intelligent people. Your list of friends who do bright things never cease to amaze me.
Adam, it was merely an observation and illustration of human psychology.
Your statement "Stephen Fowler was a self played role" is an oxymoron.
Imagine the uproar if Sir Toby Belch replaced Stephen Fowler on wife swap, he might be in the slammer for burning out a cigar on a lady's neck.
I'm just going but what you and Renee say, that is was some role playing.
one excuse after and other, when is Stephen going to be a man and stand up for his ill manners.
Hes just making it worse for him self at this point. Reality or no Reality millions watched him on tv that night.
He needs to be a man and do a global apoligy.
or hes not going to have much of a reality in United States.
And with that im off 3:30am way past this country girls bed time.
And if you're going to take every word I say in a literal sense, I will also take the same liberties.
Doesn't this program underline incorrectly spelled words in red?
My point is that it is one of the great myths of America that one can be oneself (one self).
He became what he is pond scum!
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/rnr/1017823251.html
hum roleplaying??
Lets see Damo has offered at least 3 excuses for Stephen's conduct:
1. *The bitch made him do it* by baiting him. A standard excuse offered by domestic abusers and an interesting one to offer in this situation.
2. He was trying to help out ABC by playing a role as he is so much smarter than the producers and knew exactly what they wanted so he was just *acting* like an ass.
3. He was under so much pressure because there were 8 cameras in the house he lost his cool.
Funny....Mr. Long had at least 1 and 3 aimed him but that *dumb redneck* from *Podunk, Missouri* managed to refrain from insulting Ms. Stephens and was even gracious to her about the French lessons and dietary changes.
Face it Damo...your guy blew it big time.
Now I am done with this mess.
Damo Kawasaki said...
To Emmy,
You don't know Stephen and so have no grounds for saying he "is a total and complete jackass."
What was presented on Wife Swap was partial and misleading and I'm surprised more ire hasn't been directed at abc for treating Stephen in such a calculating and ruthless way.
A TRUE SIGN OF SOCIOPATHY - EVEN WHEN YOU ARE THE VILLIAN, YOU TURN IT AROUND SO THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM. People, please understand that Stephen Fowler is a sociopath. Sociopaths are very good at manipulating the people around them who are part of their close-knit circle of friends. You will not convince his friends that he is a sociopath and you will NEVER convince a sociopath that they are, indeed, sociopathic. So, if you are having fun with him on this forum, cool. Debate away. But if you think for one moment that anything you say is getting through to HIM ....Be sure, it isn't. It can't. There is no cure for sociopathy. No cure at all. I'm not being mean, but it is true. Your best bet is to do a quick little review of sociopathy to determine what sociopaths hate the most - and torture him with those things. For example, sociopaths really hate it when they are ignored. Remember "Fatal Attraction"? "I won't be IGNORED, Dan!" What would really piss him off is to shut this all down and focus all of your attention on how wonderful the LONG family is and how they should be recognized for the love and compassion that they show towards each other. Instead of making anti-fowler shirts ...make I WANT TO PLAY PAINTBALL WITH THE LONG FAMILY shirts. or something like that. Or make a board for the LONG family that lets people say all the things that they did right. Again, I'd like to see someone beat the everliving shit out of Stephen Fowler ...but that's not going to happen. I'd like to see someone humiliate him. But that's not going to happen either b/c sociopaths are incapable, by definition, of embarassment. So, unless someone is going to go beat the man up and put it on youtube, let's just move on to something more positive and effective.
How fair-minded, now 'sweet dreams' and keep nice and warm with your righteous indignation.
"I'd like to see someone beat the everliving shit out of Stephen Fowler ...but that's not going to happen. I'd like to see someone humiliate him."
Hmmm ... so you, presumably, are a psychopath.
That's what makes it fun he doesn't under stand that he's the ant under the magnifying glass yes a true sociopath!
Well, it works like this; Mrs. Long was far too polite. The first thing she should have implemented with the rules change would have been to lock up the wine cabinet with a good, sturdy lock of the sort used on Midwestern toolsheds. Then when Stephen went into delirium tremens, she and the kids could have done whatever they wanted after he was carted off to Detox.
How tiresome, all these ad hominems!
Stephen in no way has a drinking problem. He's very health-conscious.
Presume all you want, dude. There is nothing psychopathic about wanting to see someone get a kick in the butt that they have coming to them.
See, sociopathy and psychopathy are marked by aggression and violence towards the innocent - as seen in your behavior towards Mrs. Long. YOU getting punched in the face is simply asked for. You know you want it. Come on, dude. Be honest. You just want someone to punch you in the face. Right, Stephen?
OK, here's the question for you, Stephen. If someone doesn't have a drinking problem, why are they almost never without a bottle or a glass in hand. Or perhaps it's a matter of you not tolerating fools gladly, and therefore having to drink yourself under a table in order to stand yourself?
Here's a tip for you. Make a big production of going into Rehab, and attribute your foul behavior to drink. Any number of celebrities have used this tactic with great success; indeed, some have used it repeatedly, to the extent that they seem to have the objective of being dried out in each of the fifty states and all of Western Europe. B^)
Don't forget now he's hired private security guards at house maybe you can catch him on the street for his punch in the face.
I suspect if he mouths off to his security guards about how stupid and ignorant they are he'll have to hire security guards to defend him from his security guards. The worst thing we could do to Stephen is to ignore him; he's probably performing interesting acts with himself while reading these posts since we're all paying attention to him!
It's late. Night time mentality is infecting these posts.
Hollis wrote: Listener, viewer, reader beware: freedom of speech does not mean you have to tell the truth, let alone be civil - I've read that it's illegal to yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater, unless there is, in fact, a fire.
Actually, Hollis, for someone with the education you claim, your ignorance of that court decision is appalling. It was not rendered over someone yelling "fire" in a theater; it was rendered in order to imprison individuals who opposed WWI, including at least one member of Congress. Perhaps you missed freshman history in your distribution requirements?
The postings have been incredibly mild from my perspective; very gentle treatment for someone who spent forty-two minutes performing actions that were morally equivalent to beating a curious and friendly kitten with a club.
And I am 100% sure it's not with Renee he looked very fem in the show maybe not out of the closet yet.
Hey Damo,
If Stephen is so health conscience,
Why did he go and piss off 99.999% of the people in this country who watched the show?
Yes, Stephen, in the 21st Century it isn't as simple as it used to be to clear up misunderstandings when one has infuriated the general public. Rehab is a lot cheaper than buying Harry Bennett's old house and the fortifications have probably been disabled, anyway. Back in the day, Rockefeller was able to buy his way back into the public's good graces by giving away shiny new dimes to street urchins. Ah, those were the good old days. B^)
okay.
um, here we go.
1st- does the author of this blog and/or damo k. believe that intellectual superiority merits and excuses rude, disdainful, cruel, or indifferent behavior to the "lesser beings?"
2nd- do above said jolly good sports also put faith in the proles vs. inner party, peasants vs serfs type of thinking? i.e.--the caste system--that is, do they believe all men are, in fact, NOT created equal and those who were blessed with exceptional wit or ability in athletics or the arts are unapologetically above those who were not? and thus not expected to adhere to certain social norms, politeness of conduct, and other assorted perfunctory human-interactive pleasantries?
if not, do not expect an apology or admittance of guilt, outrage posters- for you will NEVER receive one. what do you expect from a swine but a grunt? and what do you expect from a snob but a snort or a scoff?
*and arrogant people LOVE being called "arrogant" or snobbish" --so you can't even take them down with those dispersions since they don't perceive them as an insults--they take such words to be the highest compliments, believe me, and proudly boast of having been so labeled.
okay. now.
here is just a little food for thought--i am not being an impartial analyst, social scientist, or philosopher here, i am just sharing stories from my personal life i saw mirrored in the show and in the fowler's defense on this blog.
#1- "she baited me AND BAITED me...and that's why i BROKE and began calling her names and running away from her and instructing my children not to look at her and forbidding her from entering parts of the house and refused to participate in the show"
these were they EXACT WORDS my father used to justify his verbal and physical abuse of my mother "DON'T YOU DARE DEFY ME! DON'T YOU BAIT ME , WOMAN! I DIDN'T MEAN TO BLOW MY STACK BUT YOU'VE BAITED ME ONCE MORE!"
i am serious these are the EXACT WORDS he used in his defense and my mother suffered through a HORRENDOUS marriage with a man who cared little for her and in fact, did truly see her as his intellectual inferior, what little fondness he had for her was based upon her physical beauty and the fact that she was the mother of his children.
i believe smugly insinuating caving into miss folwer's child-like pleas to enter the show to appease her by going on as an attempt to show his "worshipful love" for her smack of patronizing paternalism. if you want to show your wife you worship her don't embarass your family by acting like a buffoon, or put your foot down and say "no, this isn't for me, it will do more harm than good"
again:
"she baited and harangued me"
it's called "blame the victim," and mentally cruel people use t to justify their abusive behavior.
normal people deal with all types of less than ideal situations and encounters every day without resorting to cruelty (name calling--even if it was in good brittish fun--by the way--this is also a classic abuse tactic--negate the degree of the abuse--write or laugh it off as something else) or emotional abuse (ignoring someone, purposefully not speaking to someone, etc)
#3- it is wonderful to be well educated. it is even more wonderful to ant to pass this love of learning and culture onto one's spouse and child-this has never been in dispute. but spiritual development is essential as well. empathy, sympathy, compassion, tolerance, forgiveness, understanding, objectivity, humility, supportiveness, flexibility, kindness, unconditional love...what good is all the knowledge in the world if it is misapplied, or it's message tainted by it's delivery?
i would recommend that in addition to his lexicons and philosophy texts, mr fowler and the psychic read the beatitudes from the book of matthew in the new testament--truly one of the most elegant and simple lessons on how to have love for and take pride in all of humanity, and find worth even amongst the worthless, forgotten, and undesired. also, try researching some of ghandi and OSHO's teachings. these are good places to find lessons on true universal love and peace. you don't just wear it on a t-shit or sign off with it on a blog post, you PRACTICE it in your daily life towards EVERYONE.
you are here to love, right? not to lord or conquer? or would you rather do something else? and what would that be?
we are here to share our outrage at watching someone willingly inflict pain on another person to a degree that was distasteful.
of course, it is stressful to go weeks without your spouse--especially if she is the one providing the majority of child care and running of the house--believe me, most people don't really miss you and see what you DO do until you are gone --but many families have gone through such separation without resorting to painful emotional and mental abuse of the new house guest. you can't just fall to pieces because your wife is gone for a bit and there are some cameras in your house for a while, and who are, from what i've been told, paying you quite handsomely for such an intrusion--a VOLUNTARY ONE at that) it was just--horrifying to watch.
if damo can't see that, what can we do but have pity for him, mercy for his soul, and prayers for hopefully his eventual salvation and enlightenment? that is all that is left.
it isn't so much an outrage or attack on his behavior as a disbelief; it is difficult to believe someone successful, well-to-do, highly educated and pretty good-looking could be so empty and callous inside... someone raising CHILDREN, for god's sake, that is what we are reacting to. get some help, preferably spiritual guidance- mr fowler, look to your heart and not your brain or your pocketbook or your trophy wall to discover the man you want to be.
but i reiterate-people who do not feel as if they must katow to societal norms are never going to. people who think they are "special" and "superior" are going to act just that way and derive immense pleasure from doing so.
so just let them be.
it's like my beloved mother always said, "sometimes in some people something crucial gets left out, and all the love and kindness and study and support in the world can't put it back in, especially if the person who doesn't have it doesn't even know it's missing."
"our outrage at watching someone willingly inflict pain on another person to a degree that was distasteful"
I thought abc had hit the jackpot. Isn't this precisely why people watch "reality" TV?
Don't watch it myself. Educate me.
Oh yes, and try reading some Montaigne. He is a good cure for logorrhoea.
One more thing. Please desist from the odd but apparently comforting fiction that Damo = Stephen.
I wonder what happens to Renee when he perceives that she is baiting him.
I bet he perceives that she baits him a lot.
I bet she gets tired of being accused of baiting him.
I bet she is constantly walking on eggshells around him.
I bet he is so co-dependent on her that this is the reason she and he both work from home. (other than that nobody else can stand to work with him in a "workplace")
I bet she can't go to the potty without him knowing her whereabouts.
I bet he threatens suicide alot, too. (But he'll never do it)
Compassion oozes from your every pore, bodhisattva.
He probably leaves the marks wear you can't see them.
Hey Damo,
Can you ask your friend Fowler why he resigned from Pacific Environment. And also why Magic Wheels is distancing itself from him as well.
By any means necessary.
I'm sorry bruises.
@Damo
I think it ironic that someone with Stevens IQ would associate with self proclaimed "Psychics"
I myself think Steven might actually be psychic...
I recall at the table meeting, Stephen telling Renee, "You're not going to be very happy with me."
Or perhaps he knew she would not approve of his foul behavior because it was going to have a negative impact on the business she was trying to promote.
Or is it possible Stephen intentionally ruined her business.
I thought in the beginning Renee might not be such a bad person. She seemed sincere in her concern for the long family's health but it did not take her long to join Stephen in insulting the longs once she was back home.
Stephen, it's "logorrhea", not "logorrhoea" on this side of the pond. In any event, did anyone ever advise you that your writing style is extremely pedantic and tedious and that it is poor form to write of oneself in the third person?
LOL I like yakimabelle
Shoot, honey, I'm the daughter of a redneck PhD and learned from grading university student papers back when I was in elementary school that the more obfuscatory the composition, the less valuable the content. In other words, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull product.
Anyway, it could have been far worse for Stephen; imagine what would have happened had Mrs. Long been a member of a minority religion or of a different race. He could have had dozens of confused suburban adolescents painting encircled "A"s on his sidewalk and smashing all the windows up and down the street. I certainly wouldn't want the spoiled children of the bourgeoisie annoyed with me. They do the sort of damage that causes the neighbors and one's own social set to hate you.
Damo:
You do know when you have to resort to insults, you have lost the argument right? It's the only thing left in your arsenol. Instead of answering the question you say, Oh your English is terrible. You are aware that is fail, correct? Ok, good.
I wonder how did you know there would be backlash unless you knew you (Stephen) were going to act foolish and treat someone abominably from the get go? If Stephen is this "great guy" as his "friends" claim, why would you expect him to treat someone so horribly and that he would get backlash? A) Because you know Stephen is a pompous and elitist fool B) Because it was planned. That if he got someone who was even remotely uneducated the plan was to make her feel like dirt C) He was seeking to destroy his wife because she was getting more successful then he was.
PS: Renee supposedly posted a letter to Wife Swap. Since ABC likes to delete everything under the sun, I would suggest posting it here. As you know, you have the "inside" track.
Also lets see how "American" Stephen is when he goes to sue ABC for showing his true colors. I wonder if they (Stephen, Scott, Hollis) are all laughing now.
I think its funny one seems to think such an intellectual as Stephen proclaims himself to be was "baited". Kinda like he tried to "bait" Alan Long into decking him, but Alan showed more class? It must gall you and your ilk that the Long's are far classier in America's eyes then you could ever hope to be. Of course we are all a bunch of dumb rednecks with low IQ's. And yet... looking at Stephen's "resignation" and how many companies are pulling away from any association with... the power we wield. Which I am sure scares you to death. Oh wells.
PS: Hopefully someone saves the children. I never saw such unhappy children in my life. Give your kids some love Stephen. Education and money are nice, but a parents love (not a parent who gets "grumpy" and cant stand to be around them) is the greatest thing you can offer a child. The daughter is probably going to be a mini robot of the father (she parrotted every nasty thing he said... he must have been proud), but the boy... the boy has hope. He will be the rebeller. Poor kid... he will have a hard road of it, but he will be a better MAN then his father can ever hope to be.
Understatement of 2009:
Stephen to Renee: "You wont be very happy with me"
Who thinks this will win?
I mean he only undid every bit of work she did with her career in 2 weeks. Bravo Stephen. Bravo.
Can anyone out there trace Damo's ISP address? I'm certain it's either Stephen or Hollis.
Also, I've written to ABC corporate to ask why they haven't published a statement and why the ABC affliate in SF hasn't covered the story. If I were a reporter out there, I'd be all over this one. Does anyone find it odd that there's been no coverage?
"You do know when you have to resort to insults, you have lost the argument right?"
You might want to apply this remark to the vast majority of the posts on this topic.
Damo:
They are insulting the insult while answering the questions put forth. You just do like Stephen and insult, without bothering to answer anything. It appears to be when the questions get too hard. It's ok. We understand.
BTW - Heard that Fowler hired security and then made fun of the security he had hired. I mean really. Does the man have that little self-control? I am hoping the people are wrong, but after watching Wife Swap...
Good thing Stephen thinks its redneck to own a gun, because I dare say... the bloke has done lost his mind.
DAMO KAWASAKI SAID:
"'that poor lady' Oh come on! Don't allow yourself to be manipulated so easily. It's clear to an objective viewer that she is baiting him. Baiting, baiting, baiting and in his own house and with his children about whom he cares more than anything in this world. Why the hell do you think the producers chose her? To get under the skin of some rich prick - that was their remit - and doubtless they prompted her to dig, dig, dig at him until he lost his temper to the extent that he said bad things. That way they got what they wanted.
I know from my own experience that when your own children are exposed to things that go against your own values it is easy to lash out in an over-emotional way. To 'lose it.'
Stephen lost it. He made a mess of it. But that doesn't mean he's an awful person. He has some prejudices, sure. Who doesn't?"
_________________
After reading over everything this supposedly "Japanese fellow" Kawasaki has said, there is only one logical conclusion. I honestly believe there is only one person on this planet that could possibly have seen that show and completely exonerate Stephen Fowler. Stephen Fowler's own mother couldn't do it, let alone some chap from Japan.
No, the only person in the world that could have watched that public evisceration and find Stephen essentially blameless is the narcissist Stephen Fowler himself.
And, "DAMO" tells us, not only is Stephen blameless, but actually the VICTIM!
Do you know one thing that wife abusers have in common? If you ever heard OJ talk about what happened, you got a clue. The "problem" OJ explained to us, was that HE was really the victim. He was baited into it. He was forced to do it.
And now we have DAMO saying the same thing. Poor Stephen. He has been so badly treated. That low-class bitch Gayla bullied, threatened, intimidated and baited him. ABC tricked and misused him. The nation misunderstands him. The unwashed plebeian rabble mob persecutes him.
Others have posited that Stephen Fowler is a wife-abuser. I thought that was a stretch until I read what our pal "DAMO" here has to say. And now I'm not so sure.
Watching Renee lower her head and cower, rather than confront him at the final resolution table. And her comment to Alan Long, "Are you going to hit me?" Mr. Long was clearly quite startled at the unlikely notion, but Renee said it like a woman that expects to get hit because she does get hit.
And now this. Stephen telling us all how it wasn't his fault. He, like OJ, is the REAL victim here. He is the one deserving of our sympathy and praise.
Of course DAMO is STEPHEN. Goodness knows Stephen suddenly has a lot of time on his hands. His immense ego wouldn't let him sit idly by while he's roundly thumped online by the entire country. Oh, he's talking somewhere, alright. You can bet on that.
And I'm betting it's right here.
And I'm asking Renee to get help.
Ghost Whisperer said...
“…You infer this by saying you knew there would be a backlash….”
Then Damo Kawasaki said...
“To Ghost Whisperer,
I infer no such thing.”
Demo later said…
“What the hell kind of dictionary do you guys have!!??”
Demo I would ask you the same thing!!!
You imply something TO someone.
You infer something FROM someone.
The proper response to Ghost Whisper would have been…. “I IMPLY no such thing.”
Later you even have the gull to post this…
Damo Kawasaki said...
“I hesitate to fuel the belief that I am Stephen ... but Saphirz, your English is atrocious.”
Damo, obviously your English is atrocious.
STEPHEN -
There's an old American saying: "DON'T FIGHT WITH PIGS. WIN OR LOSE, YOU GET DIRTY AND THE PIG LIKES IT."
Anyone that doubts you are indeed the odious Stephen has only to read your comments and detect the unbridled and unhidden glee with which you have taken on this debate. I am sure you are enjoying this immensely - congratulating your superior self with each witty thrust and parry.
It's clear that your ego is so enormous that nothing could ever get through to you regarding your misconduct, but is your ego so great that you care nothing about Renee & those children of yours?
It's obvious that Renee talked you into doing that show in an effort to help her garner favorable publicity for her career. Thanks to you, it's backfired badly.
And now, the longer you drag out this controversy, the more damage you do to her, and to your children. Does that concern you not one whit?
For God's sake, shut up.
As for me, I've wallowed in the dirt with this pig long enough.
I think it is more likely that Damo is Stephen's brother, who lives in Japan.
It is ridiculous to insinuate that what happened was the wife's fault. We are not slaves to our emotions.
The whole situation reads like a modern day fairy tale. Your brother is the wicked child given his comeuppance at the end of the story. Mrs. Long is the fool (I don't mean to say that she's an idiot but in these old stories the hero is often a young boy everyone thinks a fool) who is rewarded for her virtue.
I think Mr. Fowler fancies himself a modern day John Maynard Keynes, rude, vicious (believing in eugenics and the inherent superiority of Cambridge men) without any of the intelligence or accomplishment to back it up.
No matter, I always liked Hayek more anyway.
Apollonius -
Oh my god, there are TWO of them?
Look you can justify and defend your friend all you want but you make the comment to the effect, being mean to people you have never met. Stephen is reaping what he sowed. He's getting exactely what he dished out. It reminds me of the old saying "if you can't take it, don't dish it out".
I read Renae's comments that had been posted to her Yahoo group, to which I respond : WOW, Pathetic ! She has all kinds of excuses for her husbands behavior, but lets not forget this is the same person that bragged about IQ scores, education and how much smarter than everyone he was, but didn’t have more self control than a 2 year old having a temper tantrum.
I saw a post yesterday from someone who had chatted with Mr. Long via Facebook and when asked why he hadn’t punched Stephen. Mr. Long responded because that what he wanted.
Again WOW , who’s the smarter one there ? (Rhetorical question) and definitely don’t even need to ask who has more self control. It’s pretty obvious.
BTW it is not impossible that Mr. Fowler is both a good friend to his defenders (those posting in this thread) and a tyrant to his maid and people of the class he so recently denigrated so spectacularly on TV.
It may very well be that he is able to insulate himself thoroughly with people only of his "class" (though honestly I would say his preoccupation with class puts him more with the lower classes) so that they've never seen this behavior before.
That being written, I shudder to think what the "downstairs" crowd is doing to his food and home. What they're cleaning his toilet with (I'm thinking his toothbrush), what they're adding to his food (won't hazard a guess here).
As a final point I would add that Damo is wrong. It isn't "us" the plebeians who had any ability to hurt his friend. We might howl but really, what can we do? The people of his own class are giving him his walking papers because of his behavior. These are people who, presumably know him, know what he's like, know his work and how valuable he is to their businesses. But even they have turned away.
Why do you all keep posting here? This person is just trying to get blog hits off of her friends miserable circumstances - some friend.
DON'T POST HERE ANYMORE!!!
If this post gets deleted, it just proves my point!
STOP POSTING HERE! THIS BLOG IS A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO GET HITS OFF OF A FRIENDS MISERY - HOW PATHETIC.
All I have to say is I have read this whole diatribe by whom I believe to be FOULer and he makes me sick to my stomach.... if in fact by some odd chance this was not FOULer then we have someone defending the indefensible... As for you Hollis no psychic I know needs to BE ASKED you would just intuitively know something did not feel right about your friends going on that show. The whole thing reeks of one thing - publicity that backfired!
STOP POSTING HERE! THIS BLOG IS A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO GET HITS OFF OF A FRIENDS MISERY - HOW PATHETIC.
@Thoughtful Things In Life
Who cares if "Hoky Hollis" gets page hits?
She nor the Fowlers get any money for page hits and no one in their right mind will be doing any business with the Fowlers or anyone who defends their behavior....
MAGIC WHEELS SPEAKS OUT AGAINST FOWLER:
As a concerned U.S. citizen, we value your response to the recent ABC “Wife Swap” episode with Mr. Stephen Fowler that was aired on January 30th. We thank you for your email. From all of us at Magic Wheels, Inc. we are also outraged by Mr. Fowler’s statements and would like to respond to some of the concerns you expressed.
Stephen Fowler has no involvement with Magic Wheels, Inc.
We do not know Stephen Fowler.
He is not a representative of, nor does he have any management role with, Magic Wheels Inc.
We do not support his statements about the military.
We do not share his opinions as aired in the ABC Wife Swap episode on January 30, 2009.
We value the service of our military and our veterans.
The statement below is from Peter Kennedy, Founding Partner at Fulcrum Funds and a previous investor in Magic Wheels.
“Unfortunately and incorrectly Mr. Fowler was listed as a current associate of Fulcrum Funds on an outdated web page. Mr. Fowler was never an employee of Fulcrum and his brief and informal advisory role ended in early 2008. I have been working out of the country and have not seen the show but am deeply troubled by some of the comments I am receiving. There is no association with Mr. Fowler and his comments in no way reflect Fulcrum's values or views. I sincerely apologize for the confusion and any problems that this might have caused any of Fulcrum's affiliates.”
Renee's Yahoo Group LOSES MEMBERS:
RE: [insideoutweightloss] PLEASE READ: about "Wife Swap" posts
Hello to all. And goodbye. I disagree with the moderator saying some Wife
Swap-related posts have been less-than-respectful. It seems to me some of the
IOWL community are dismayed and feel betrayed over many of the class and
geographical prejudices Renee and her family appear to hold. (There is a reason
therapists should maintain a neutral and non-judgemental stance when functioning
in their professional capacity.)
It has been interesting to be part of the yahoo group IOWL community, but if
Renee/the moderator can't handle the members using this forum to express
honestly their hurt and betrayal over what they saw in Wife Swap, then I must
bow out. A large part of my journey towards inner alignment is seeking to be
honest and compassionate with myself. This includes listening when overs feel I
have hurt or betrayed them. I cannot be a part of a yahoo group community led
by someone who does not practice the same values.
I wish you all well, Candy
***************************************I cosign this post. Honestly, I have really really enjoyed the
podcasts. I also never would have watched Wife Swap last night if I
hadn't heard about it on the podcast. I usually watch Ghost Whisper
at that time. Sadly, after the show last night my excitement over
the podcasts has waned a little bit. I have read the posts over on
ABC, and this message board has been unbelievably kind compared to
their messages. Maybe you (the moderator) should watch the show and
then see if you can feel compassion for some people on the message
board who do feel as if they have lost a little something.
********************************************Hi, I watched the show last night and I was absolutely shocked! I know
they edited it a lot, but I think it gave a good overall view of what
their family is like. Renee's husband is very obnoxious! I actually
think that he is a very insecure person. Renee seems like a better
person than her husband, but at the end when she said that she didn't
learn anything from the other family, it just made me see that they are
stuck up people who think they are better than others. And I don't like
that at all. So, I'm not sure if I'm going to continue listening to the
podcast. There are a lot of other helpful weight loss podcasts out
there to choose from.
************************************
STEPHEN has created a website for TERRANOVA so that if you click on "more information" it will infect your computer with a virus.
here is the address:
http://terranova-bioenergy.aliyev.biz/
If you CLICK on the image of palm trees to view more info, it IMMEDIATELY begins infecting your computer.
LOL this little punk.
stephen was the highly educated one. stephen was the self proclaimed most intelligent one. yet somehow stephen was the one that was duped, and stephen was somehow the one that was baited into bad behavior for which he is not claiming any responsibility, just offering up excuses and shifting the blame to others. stephen was under duress. poor poor poor misunderstood pitiful stephen. this highly educated, supposedly highly intelligent, high earning upper crust, was duped and used like no one who has ever before appeared on this show has been. maybe stephen isn't as smart as he thinks he is.
or maybe stephen is just over-educated. over-educated to the point that he doesn't know how to function in the real world. over-educated to the point that he doesn't know how to communicate and get along with people who don't closely match his own mindset. he was just using british humor and was misunderstood. well he obviously thought very little of galya's mental capabilities, and made it known what he thinks of the average american's mental capabilities, so why on earth would he think his british humor would go over on american television? if stephen is as intelligent and as smart as he proclaims to be, surely he could have figured out, when in rome do as the romans do, ie when on american reality television, don't attack american sensibilities, the american military, and the american way of life. poor poor poor misunderstood stephen. if he hadn't been such a pompous ass, and showed just a modicum of humility, and a smidgen of empathy for those he considered beneath his station, perhaps he may have received some in return. but in the end he merely is reaping what he sowed.
@Damo
Okay, one more question:
The reason most of us were incensed is because we didn't see any remorse from Stephen for his behavior. And to be fair, maybe it was edited out of the show, so we don't get to see his alleged apologies to know if they were sincere or more along the lines of "I'm sorry you're fat."
So here's what I want to know: Does Stephen feel any remorse for behaving badly — not because there's been a backlash but because he did let his temper get out of control? Does he understand that he treated someone very poorly, whether or not he had been baited?
FOWLER'S MAIN PARTNER AT TERRANOVA BIOENERGY:
Pat McDonnell
Partner
pmcdonnell@terranovabio.com
Stephen Fowler
Partner
sfowler@terranovabio.com
for phone numbers, click here http://www.pge.com/pipeline/rfi/rfilist.shtml and scroll down to Terranova Bioenergy
minus the "and" at the end of the second line. got it?
I do think Damo has made some reasonable points. Haven't you noticed how much toxic behavior presents itself on that show? It seems to be the nature of the beast, undoubtedly encouraged by the producers, though Stephen carried his pejorative comments too far. But even in one scene Gayla kind of smiled at Stephen's insults -- I think she understood the theatricality of the whole situation.
Nobody ever is so furious at a Jerry Springer guest, who might say things much worse -- because people understand that shows like that are a circus.
Damo/Stephen,
You're not a very smart man. About 2/3 of people who hate your guts know what school your children attend, know where you live, etc. Yet you go on and on with the insults and even infected your business site with a virus. You do not think beyond the large nose on your face, do you?
Wife Swap message board had this...I thougt it was funny:
It's possible that this is a rogue site built by one of the many people that Stephen managed to offend:
Rednecks
People in the military
People who have someone they love in the military
Overweight people
People who enjoy Paintball
People who enjoy AT vehicles
People who enjoy GoCarts
People who live in and call themselves Americans
People who like Fast Food
People with opinions as strong as his
People who didn't go to college.
Did I leave anyone out? It's broad base and it's not inconceivable that someone who's really computer savvy decided to retailiate from his/her own area of expertise.
D & S:
well, like said , it was pretty obvious spirituality was missing from your existence. cling if you must to your montaigne and philosophy, it will not get you where you need to be. clearly, there is something wrong with stephen and the way in which he interacts with people and one isn't going to fix it by not seeing it for what it is. maybe you and he should try kurt vonnegut or mark twain, they were secular humanists who still retained their sense of humour and had a certain degree of respect for their fellow man, even those of inferior wit or accomplishment, i dare say they almost had more respect for them, in some instances.
like i said, mr fowler doesn't feel he HAS to have respect for those BENEATH him, so he is NEVER going to admit any wrongdoing, and i'm quite sure his wife had to pull that "apology letter" out of him tooth by tooth.
if there is no sincerity in an apology. why give it?
this man is intelligent, this man does have a family, and if he has any type of conscious, somewhere deep inside his soul, he is ashamed of the way he behaved and knows he needs to change his thinking and the way he sees others.
after all, he wouldn't want to raise his precious children in a country where over 80 percent of the people who watch the show HE CHOSE to appear on (whether he watches it or not) don't agree with his actions and are frightened and repulsed by him would he? why, what if they turn out the same way--people ARE influenced by their environment, after all-why, what does that say about his choice to remain here amongst the hoi polloi?
and now we'll end with some words from my dad:
"there's nothing to a horrid offense but an sincere apology. a sincere apology and a vow to do better can right some of the most terrible wrongs"
i don't believe it was logorrhea that clouded the message of my first statement here, it was the fact that you disagreed with it's content entirely.
and just to let you know, i won a full scholarship for essay writing to duke university in 1991, so i doubt very much the english department at duke shares the criticism of my abilities you made.
but thanks much for the snide insult disguised as a witty remark! why, they're so many barbs on here from you damo, one almost feels as one will cut oneself just trying to read through to the end of the page!
(but you know, honestly, i wouldn't have expected any less.)
go on do it--drag out the religious and spiritual tomes you have no use for, you can do it--one at a time--come, come, now, they aren't TOO heavy...
you can do it, damo and steve!
*sigh* its just like i said--they like the way are, it identifies and protects them. people like stephen fowler- (and i suppose his defenders)- they aren't going to change.
you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. plus, i don't think stephen's inferring the correct messages from what sorts of philosophy and rhetoric he DOES read.
"a little learning is a dangerous thing, drink deep, or taste not the pierian spring--there, shallow draughts intoxicate the brain, and drinking largely sobers us again."
like i said , pray for their like, for they know not what they do.
Hollis,
Perhaps you might want to direct Stephen and Renee to your post from May of 2007 titled "The Platinum Rule", wherein you made a very good suggestion for all of your readers to live by:
"
Everyone knows the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Pretty simple, and pretty good.
And I’d like to humbly submit the upgrade, the Platinum Rule, “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.”"
What a wonderful and noble thought. Treat others as they would have you do unto them. Hmm, perhaps I should simplify it for all of us "fools" who are "uneducated" and can not handle such "big words" Treat other people the way that they would like to be treated. Do you think, Hollis, that Gayla Long liked being treated the way that your friend treated her? I do not think any one would like to be treated that way. I also do not think that she would like to be treated the way that you have treated her. You are delusional if you think that you did not say anything "mean". But what do I know. I am just a stupid, undereducated, fool from po-dunk Missouri.
"You don't know Stephen and so have no grounds for saying he "is a total and complete jackass."
What was presented on Wife Swap was partial and misleading and I'm surprised more ire hasn't been directed at abc for treating Stephen in such a calculating and ruthless way."
sorry but I only have so much ire and it was reserved for the things you I mean steve actually said and did.
what pressure could he possibly be under? I've have cameras in my face before, I've been in houses with people I disagree with politically and probably had educational differences with them, I never resorted to calling them names or insulting them if they asked if I had a nice time. nor have I ignored them when they tried to be civil. if I did loose my cool I was quick to apologize, quick to learn from it and quick never to do it again. thats the key. no editing excused the repeated abuses that flew out of that fools mouth.
"Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are".
By the by.If what ABC did was really slanderous Mr. Fowler may avail himself of the American judicial system. Indeed our standards are quite a bit higher than in the UK -- however he can easily show harm so if ABC really did put words in his mouth he can sue for damages.
I'm willing to bet that ABC knew this episode would be a real firecracker and they gave it over to their legal department first and they have even more offensive comments just waiting to release in the event of a jury trial. Mr. Fowler so befouled the jury pool that it will be difficult to get anything out of ABC.
That's my bet.
" Damo Kawasaki said...
To Saphirz,
because the show is about lifestyles and that is what she's interested in.
The only thing Stephen watches on TV are Chelsea games and to make matters worse for him they lost 2-0 to Liverpool on Sunday! He didn't know what he was letting himself in for"
What? You mean his higher intelligence can not comprehend what he gets himself into?
Come on Stephen, you are getting yours now! Amazing what influence us Podunk Americans have on America's business's!
Even if the show managed to capture you at your worst,your actions and words far out weigh (pun intended) any good qualities you MIGHT posses. Good residence man
hollis, you left out the real lesson - treat everyone with respect, especially if you're going to be on national tv and don't want the rest of the world to 'misunderstand' you.
To Hollis Polk:
Since you posted "More Lessons from Wife Swap (& its aftermath,) your blog's received 298 comments, all of them are negative towards you and Fowler. I stand correctly, all are negative except the ones Stephen posted himself, and those were pathetic.
What infuriated me about you in your original blog was not so much that because you are Fowler's friend, you attempted to defend him. It was the WAY in which you wrote your defense.
Before I read your blog, I'd seen the show so I had some indication of the Fowler's social life. As I read your blog, I could visualize the scene. In my mind's eye before the show begins, I see a group of group of people in expensive casual attire sipping wine (or perhaps imported beer), absently picking at trays of various cheeses and organic crudites while engaging in inane conversation consisting of the guests trying to trump the others with their witty humor.
But wait...you live on the West Coast. At 9PM EST, it's only 6PM PST. The entire East Coast has seen the show, and most are enraged. It's easy to find the Fowler's phone number because they have it plastered all over the internet, so the phone calls telling Stephen a pompous, cruel, piece of excrement have begun pouring in most likely BEFORE their guests have arrived.
So tell me Hollis, were you and Scott hysterical with laughter before you saw the program or afterwards? Did the Fowlers shut off their phones before or after the program began on the West Coast?
Also Hollis, after seeing the program, were the Fowler's friends still laughing? You make it seem as though they were. So what is it? Were you and Scott the only ones amused by Stephen's cruel treatment of Mrs. Long, or was everyone taking part in supporting this little creature? I can't bring myself to call him a man.
Anyway, it could have been far worse for Stephen; imagine what would have happened had Mrs. Long been a member of a minority religion or of a different race. He could have had dozens of confused suburban adolescents painting encircled "A"s on his sidewalk and smashing all the windows up and down the street. I certainly wouldn't want the spoiled children of the bourgeoisie annoyed with me. They do the sort of damage that causes the neighbors and one's own social set to hate you.
WhiteTrashBodhisattva wrote:
Wife Swap message board had this...I thougt it was funny:
It's possible that this is a rogue site built by one of the many people that Stephen managed to offend:
Rednecks
People in the military
People who have someone they love in the military
Overweight people
People who enjoy Paintball
People who enjoy AT vehicles
People who enjoy GoCarts
People who live in and call themselves Americans
People who like Fast Food
People with opinions as strong as his
People who didn't go to college.
Did I leave anyone out? It's broad base and it's not inconceivable that someone who's really computer savvy decided to retailiate from his/her own area of expertise.
Well, WhiteTrashBodhisattva, from reading the Internet, it appears Stephen and Renee offended at least these additional groups:
business leaders
investors
consumers
physicians
attorneys
intellectuals
dietitians and nutritionists
academics
engineers
librarians
schoolteachers
Brits
French
environmentalists
liberals
San Franciscans
registered nurses
MBAs
Oxbridge graduates
AMERICA claims to stand for FREEDOM.
Freedom means the freedom to be offensive or it means nothing at all.
sure damo, stephen has the freedom to be offensive. and we have the freedom to take offense, and call him on it.
is stephen aware of what he taught his children those two weeks? he did teach them some very bad lessons, that will not serve them well in life.
you see, children learn what they live, and what these children lived during those two weeks is that's it's ok to be disrespectful and rude to a guest if you think they are beneath you and unworthy in some way. they learned to judge someone based on their perceived level of education and intellect. they learned that one should divide ones associations based on 'class' or lack there of, and if you feel that someone around you doesn't measure up they should be berated and then ignored. they learned to not look for the good in someone, and see what they have to offer, but to find every fault possible.
Freedom to express opinions and attitudes without attracting the attention of the mob. ...
Stephen is being pilloried. His business interests are being attacked.
He hasn't committed any violence. He's a peaceable guy. Just has strong opinions which are distasteful to many.
He's extremely dedicated to his children and most likely a better parent than the vast majority who are criticizing him.
Damo,
First you still have not address anything I have posted. Including your own misuse of the words imply/infer while complaining about others' English skills.
Second, America does support the Freedom of Speech. But the freedom is the freedom of speech is the freedom from gov't stopping your free speech. NOT freedom from private reprecussions of your own use of free speech.
People can still voice thier own opinion towards another's opinion.
What is happening to Stephen (OTHER than the threats) is all part of freedom of speech. Just as Stephen has the freedom to say what he wants to anyone, so does everyone else.
Everyone else is just expressing their opinion to Stephen, to his employers, and to the world.
Damo said...He's extremely dedicated to his children and most likely a better parent than the vast majority who are criticizing him.
Please don't say that, "most likely a better parent", you have no idea what kind of parents are on this board. You are losing credibility with your insults.
OK, this is what I think needs to happen, then this will all go away. I need Gayla Long to make a post, blog, whatever. If Gayla states that Mr.Fowler was infact a victim of poor editing and that the viewer was mislead, I will forget all this. I would even write apology letters to his affiliates, her clients etc. Because If I were Gayla Long and seen this happening, and he was a victim, I would never be able to take a back seat.
I'm not talking about "freedom of speech," I'm talking about "freedom."
More for Damo & Stephen
Go into Rehab; discuss how alcohol has ruined your life and you are now setting out on a sober path.
After leaving Rehab, donate money for a paintball scholarship at University of Missouri (Mizzou). After all, even Gordon Ramsey plays paintball - he's darn good at it - and he makes more money in a week than the Fowler's earn in a year. Discuss how there are many new sports that have benefited from scholarship funding, such as synchronized swimming, and how the students benefit from the scholarships.
Volunteer to help women getting off of welfare write their resumes and fill out job applications. Bring your kids along. Renee can offer weight loss guidance while they are there.
Remember the power of the press release; more than 85% of news stories result from press releases from interest groups, corporations, and others. The media will be interested.
Renee has now made a public statement of apology and has said that she is appalled by her husbands behavior and she has asked him to get professional help.
So if the woman who lives with him feels this way.. why is Damo still defending him (self).
damo, there's much more to being a good parent than providing the best education and private lessons money can buy. the main duty of a parent is to teach their child how to be a good person; to teach them empathy and humility, ie concern for someone other than just themselves. to help them develop a conscience.
freedom of speech as cited in the constitution actually has to do with freedom of political speech. it as nothing to do with being free of criticism for behaving badly in public.
he hasn't committed any physical violence, but words can be swords.
damo you said:
Freedom to express opinions and attitudes without attracting the attention of the mob. ...
and
I'm not talking about "freedom of speech," I'm talking about "freedom."
===========================
damon,
one cannot go on national tv and expect to not attract attention from your so called 'mob'. nobody forced him to bring this attention to himself by appearing on the show. that was his free choice.
“This is especially true of hatred, which is dislike and antipathy inflamed to a high degree and inspired by beliefs which stimulate a set of other emotions in the hater, chief among them fear, ignorance, jealousy, anger and disgust. But note that all these emotions, and especially the first three, are about the hater; thus hating says more about haters than what they hate. It shows weakness for it is a crude emotion which turns fears and anxieties outward to fix them on something else. When one dislikes a person on good grounds – because he is provenly dishonest, malevolent, or treacherous, say – the appropriate reaction is disdain, and a withholding of social courtesies. Someone truly contemptible does not merit the energy that stronger emotions require. And as La Rochefoucauld observed, ‘When our hatred is too keen it puts us below those we hate,’ which is an allied point.
“Moralisers – those who seek to impose on everyone else their own timid conception of morality, usually in the form of [the] ‘family values’ ethos – are in a fair way to being haters of anyone who thinks differently from them. Certainly the ingredients are there: fear of different choices and lifestyles, ignorance about their interests and experiences, jealousy of their freedom from the disciplines that the moralists impose on themselves, disgust and anger at what others do: these are the ingredients of hate which, when wrapped in the pious rhetoric of conventional morality, breed repression, illiberality, and narrowness. A key lies in the fact that the views which moral conservatives try to impose on others are often an expression of what they most fear in themselves: ‘if you hate a person,’ Herman Hesse remarked, ‘you hate something in him which is part of yourself.’”
A.C. Grayling
“ … it is almost impossible to hate an individually known human being.”
Oh Stephen,
You will never understand how much you don't get it.
Kind of makes me feel good about myself.
Thanks!
Drew, your comment confirms Grayling's analysis.
Thanks Stephen
Post a Comment